Zombeavers – 3 out of 5
I am so thankful that I live in a reality where films like this exist! It’s so easy to write off a film that is titled Zombeavers as a soul-less, SyFy qualify movie that was made for nothing else beyond the fact it could be done. I like to think that the production of this film was composed of a group of people who gave their blood, sweat, and tears, and some semen (they donated it for the extra cash) in order to make this film come into existence! Knowing that a film called Zombeavers exists is enough for a man to have all faith restored in humanity and realize there is still good in the world…good in the form of silly, zombie-based dark comedies.
|How many more films could be improved with the presence of zombie beavers?|
|"Zombie beavers? Really? Fuck yes, I'll do the movie."|
Two lowly truck drivers (played by Bill Burr and, for some reason, John Mayer) are in charge of transporting some toxic waste. After accidentally hitting a deer, a canister is lost and floats down a river where it unloads its contents into the home of some beavers. As this happens, three girlfriends; Mary (Rachel Melvin), Zoe (Courtney Palm), and Jenn (Lexi Atkins), are on their way to a secluded cabin for a girls weekend where they will try to fix Jenn’s broken heart—her boyfriend cheated on her. However, their Girls Only weekend is interrupted when the men in their lives suddenly show up…and just in time for the now contaminated beavers to show up with murder in their dead beaver-y eyes. Joined by a local hunter named Smyth (Rex Linn), the group must now try to fight off these zombeavers and try to escape the secluded area before they are killed or become zombeavers themselves!
|Man will never achieve greater than this moment right here.|
In a world where The Asylum has given birth to the mockbuster and has made internet sensations of the Sharknado films, it’s easy to write off a film like Zombeavers as a piece of crap that is just riding the coattails of the zombie craze and is just a mad dash for internet fame with little thought put into it. For the most part, it’s kinda that but the film also has a little bit of wit to it, refuses to take itself seriously, and is completely self-aware of how ridiculous it is.
|The filmmakers put John Mayer in a stupid fake mustache. That's almost as|
good as the zombeavers.
|"Crap! First zombie beavers and now that muck monster|
from Creepshow 2 is after us."
I won’t pull any punches here and say the film is well made. The story is pretty stupid and simplistic, the drama from the characters is tacked on at best, the characters themselves are one-dimensional and cliché, the zombeaver puppets look atrocious, the makeup effects are laughable, and a lot of the acting is barely passable…but that’s why this film is entertaining! The puppets look crappy and that provides laughs—besides, it would be even harder to enjoy if they actually looked realistic. The story works for what it is providing, the drama attached is actually just a sneaky joke the filmmakers put in to make fun of other films (that also applies to the one-dimensional aspect of the characters), and the acting needs to be bad, you can’t take the silliness of the film all in if the acting was good. However, Lexi Atkins who plays Jenn was pretty fucking terrible. Her scenes were just painful due to her looking like she was giving absolutely zero effort.
|Not surprisingly, the filmmakers made sure to work in pointless nudity.|
It's like they didn't realize that the zombie beavers would be enough of a draw.
|"Someone help! The zombeavers ate my hair!"|
Zombeavers is a cheesefest that is all about bringing the ridiculous. The gags, albeit very predictable, work to make the film fun and humorous. Additionally, the film won’t shy away from self-regulating itself and calling itself out on its own bullshit. While it should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone, the film is loaded—JUST LOADED—with vagina jokes (get it? Beavers!) Just when this repetitive gag starts to get too much, the film will actually make a joke about having too many beaver jokes! Even the Sharknado films won’t even be this self-referencing…in fact, in the sequel, they were way too busy cramming as many has-beens as they could into the story to worry about making a joke about what a joke the film was.
|The movie's product placement for ridiculously short shorts was very blatant|
Zombeavers may not be the best dark comedy in existence but I won’t deny it is fun. A lot of the jokes are cheesy and most of the laughs came from the terrible filmmaking and more subtle gags but it was in these elements that gave the film built on B-movie premise a bit of wit to it. It’s easy to write off Zombeavers as just some piece of crap, Direct-to-DVD mock-horror film but it’s still entertaining in its own unique way.
|Zombeaver bears?!? Where's your god now?!?|