Tuesday, April 1, 2014


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Well...I guess it could have been worse.  It could have been this Frozen.

Frozen – 2 out of 5

When Frozen hit the theaters, I took one look at the trailer and thought it looked like the latest generic animated film that Disney has decided to pump out until Pixar's next film was finished. The character design and animation looked no different than the forgettable Tangled and the fact it wanted to make sure that that you knew there was a talking snowman in the film told me that the story probably wasn’t that great either. Then the reviews came out and the hype machine went into overdrive and threatened to overheat and go nuclear. Friends of mine with children were going on and on about how great it was and how it’s the “best Disney film ever made.” Well, I still wasn’t sold and when I finally sat down to watch it I couldn't help but think it is nowhere near as great as it was described to me.

My favorite part, however, has to be the set construction by Dr. Manhattan.

"I don't feel like putting much effort into my design...
Hey, are those templates for Rapunzel still available?"
Continuing their tradition of stealing other people’s fairytales and making them their own, Frozen was inspired by Hans Christian Andersen’s The Snow Queen and tells the story of two sisters; Elsa (Idina Menzel) and Anna (Kristen Bell). Elsa has Iceman-like powers and can create ice and snow but, after an accident, Anna is made to forget those abilities and, due to her feelings of guilt over the accident to her sister, Elsa becomes a shut in. Years later, when the doors to the castle are finally re-opened, fun times are interrupted between the sisters and Elsa has an emotional (and ice-based powers) outburst and accidentally triggers an eternal winter. Now Anna must try and get to her sister with the help of a talking snowman named Olaf (Josh Gad), a reindeer named Sven and an ice salesman/mountain man named Kristoff (Jonathan Groff).

Olaf has murder in his eyes...

Don’t let my score fool you, I don’t hate Frozen. There are actually a lot of things that I enjoyed about the film. I respect that Disney wanted to make the film actually feel like a legit musical and not just an animated movie that contains a couple of catchy tunes. The animation is incredible and the snow effects look gorgeous and I did enjoy the character of Olaf. However, I still didn’t care about the movie and didn’t buy into the hype. The reality is I’m just not the audience for this particular film.

It looks whimsical but that icicles are frozen dingleberries attached to an Ent.

While there was a song here and there (okay, just one…the one where the snowman is singing about summer) that I enjoyed but, for the most part, I just didn’t care for the songs in this. Number One) there were too many of them—however, I don’t really want to count this because it was suppose to be a musical so complaining about a lot of songs in a musical is stupid on my part. More to the point is the fact I just wasn’t tuned in to the tunes. I realize the internet is ablaze with the “Let It Go” song but, for me, that song was really grating and hard to listen to. Maybe because it sounds no different than most crap that gets churned out on Top 40 radio or maybe it's the fact that I found Idina Menzel’s voice really hard to endure during it (You can hate me for this but the clips of the awful singers on the American Idol tryouts were easier on my ears), either way, I wasn't getting into the music in this one.  It was no "Under the Sea" or "Be Our Guest" or "Hakuna Matata," in my opinion.

Don't look sad, Disney pretty much hit their peak with "Hakuna Matata."

Finally, and this is the biggest reason I didn’t enjoy the film, was the fact that the character of Anna was incredibly annoying…but she is the very person the film was made for. The story wants to remind you over and over again that Anna is awkward—and I don’t mean awkward in the sense that she really struggles with social interactions in public but the internet (and movie) created idea of what awkward is. You know what I’m talking about; the awkward where you say silly (but adorable) things and you are clumsy (but not in a way where you hurt others or yourself) and, in reality, you’re more quirky and use this self-inscribed label of awkward as a way of being flirtatious and hiding you have no personality.

Here we have Kristoff trying to force out a fart while Sven is behind him with trolls
hanging from his antlers...what the fuck is going on in this movie?

Frozen was made for the selfie generation. From tweens to girls in their early to mid-twenties who can’t go an hour without posting a picture of themselves online that looked no different from the last seven they posted and is usually post it with the caption “lol Im awkward.” THAT is the person this movie was made for. You can almost hear that phrase repeated over and over again every time they try to bring comic relief with Anna. It was like Instagram came to life and made a Disney movie off of one of the only things it knows (at least it didn't make a movie about all the girl posting that handjob position when photographing their nails). Since I’m a thirty-plus geek, this dynamic didn’t resonate with me and I found the film to be less than cute and more annoying…just like all those damn selfies and claims of being “awkward.”

"Lol, I'm so awkward...time to take a selfie to let people know that."

Frozen isn’t a bad movie—it’s just not a movie for me. It appeals to kids and social media created girls mostly but there’s clearly money in that as the film made a freakin’ billion dollars. While I enjoyed the animation, the snowman, a single song and there were some really talented actors in the film (like Josh Gad, Alan Tudyk and Maurice LaMarche)--although, admitted, I was less than impressed with the rest of the cast, the film just didn’t appeal to me.

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