Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Disaster! The Movie

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! The only disaster was this film!  Eh?  Eh?  I'll show myself out.

Disaster! The Movie – 0 out of 5

So…I enjoy an occasional episode of Robot Chicken and dig the stop-motion animation with dolls and old toys. So, when Disaster! The Movie was recommended to me on Netflix (I dropped your name, pay me!) and I noticed it looked like what Seth Green and the gang make on their Adult Swim show, I decided to give it a shot…

I shouldn’t have.

The look of horror after realizing this was actually made with real money and wasn't just
a fever dream.

On paper, Disaster! is a spoof of various end of the world/doomsday films like Armageddon and…and…well, I guess kinda Deep Impact but this film just feels like parodying the one with Ben Affleck and his incredibly white, capped teeth…and, I guess, Bruce Willis was in it too.  In reality, however, this film was just a steaming pile of unwatchable shit. 

Wow...a Survivor parody...this film is on the cutting edge.

So, in this world of toy-looking things, a planetoid is sailing towards Earth so ASSA (yes, they call NASA "ASSA" in the film and, from that, you can instantly guess what level the humor is aiming for in this film) sends out their best team of annoying characters with bad innuendo, unfunny gag names (names like Harry Bottoms, Sandy Melons, V.D. Johnson, etc.) to go and nuke the ever-loving fuck out of it and save the day…and make sure there’s a lot of sex jokes repeated over and over again and more fart jokes than should exist in any work of fiction.

They mock Steven Hawkins with a character called Steven Mocking...
Jesus...who wrote this?  People with head traumas and Jeff Dunham fans?

If I were to call Disaster! a juvenile, sophomoric adventure filled with bottom-of-the-barrel jokes, I would be completely wrong because it is far worse than that. The movie makes juvenile humor look sophisticated and eloquent. The reality is, Disaster! was just an unfunny, terrible parody that almost makes the films made by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer look intelligent and witty.

And then they make fun of terminal children...because why try to be funny
when you can just try to offend.  The same motto of a shitty stand up comic who can't write jokes.

And if the well of bad humor wasn't emptied enough with
this film, they make fun of the French.  At this point,
the film should just be called Hack! The Movie.
There was nothing about this film that was redeeming for me. The humor is so bad that I went to the doctor afterwards to make sure that I didn’t lose the sensation that is called Joy and make sure that the terrible jokes (that are repeated over and over again) didn’t just give me cancer. The film only has three jokes that it constantly keeps dusting off and trying again and again but they never get better. It doesn’t matter if the sex gag, the blowjob joke, the fart scene, the gay stereotype and the masturbation joke didn’t fly the first time, they just keep trying and keep failing.  And because they are repeated ad nauseum, it really didn’t matter if you missed it because there’s a guarantee that it will be done again…and each time I met them with stone-faced silence (well, after I got tired of sighing and rolling my eyes). 

Look, they hit an old lady with a car.  If you miss the joke, don't worry.  They
do this joke, literally, another three times.

And then you have to deal with how often the female character show off their boobs.

I’m not entirely sure if this was suppose to be a joke (because it was impossible to tell if anything was funny in this film because the writers clearly don’t understand what jokes are…here’s a hint: Jokes CAN include things that aren’t butts) or if this was just some lonely men acting out their fantasies but, either way, I’m very surprised you didn’t see jizz stains on all the female characters. At a certain point, the incessant need to show off some puppet breasts borders on creepy and a need arises to ask the question; The people behind this film are on a sex offenders list, right? A good follow up question would be; They're at least not allowed near schools, playgrounds and Chuck E. Cheeses’, right?

Take one guess on how they stood the hair up...

Jesus...they look like soulless demons ready to take you
to hell...with thinning hair.
Then, as if the producers want to nail down the point that this film was made entirely for immature turd jokes and doll nudity, the animation is frighteningly bad. The stop-motion characters look like they are having seizures when they are doing normal things like talking, walking and, sigh, having excuses for their tops to come flying off. Matters are not helped when the characters are already molded and design to look like they are suffering from some sort of facial deformity, birth defect, or were part of an origin story for the latest Batman villain.

Yeah, all the character pretty much look like they are about to suffer full
paralysis at any second for the entire film.  But don't worry, they made sure
there was tons of puppet boobs.  So, who needs decent animation?

Disaster! The Movie is exactly what the title sells; a disaster. The film looks like crap and the jokes are equally crappy (maybe worse)—literal crap since 90% of the jokes are poo-based. As if this film couldn’t get worse, it’s obvious that art of parody and satire is lost on the production as the entire film’s parody quota is spend on going for the obvious criticisms over the genre and going at them with an even more obvious joke. There’s no subtle nuances the film pokes at over the doomsday genre and, instead, goes at it knee-jerk style with a joke that is far more familiar and mark-missing than the obvious formula that goes into Armageddon-like movies. In fact, this film is so bad with its parody that it somehow made it feel like THIS was the genre film and Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis were parodying THEM in Armageddon.

Seriously, I hate Armageddon but, by comparison, this film made that one better.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.