Children of the Corn: Genesis – 1 out of 5
At what point does a franchise just say, “Fuck it. We give up.” Well, in the case of Children of the Corn, it was their eighth, Direct-to-DVD installment; Children of the Corn: Genesis.
|"Shit...we're in the bad one."|
"There's a good one?"
|"Come on in and use the phone, I don't mind.|
Say...are you two familiar with 'swinging?'"
|First rule when your car breaks down: Sit in the middle of the road.|
I’ve never been a big fan of the Children of the Corn series. I’ve never found the stories that interesting and I’ve usually watched them because they’re pretty good for a laugh but this one really takes the cake for a phone-in sequel in a horror franchise that has been all about phoning-in sequels ever since the series decided to hit the inner-city.
|Damn, even the kid looks disinterested in this film.|
Nothing happens for most of the movie and it really feels like production had no idea what it was doing and, ultimately, decided to make something out of a quick, two sentence summary and no script. In fact, the whole movie feels lethargic and like it doesn’t feel motivated into putting the effort in. The story goes nowhere slowly, the characters of Tim and Allie and flat and flavorless, and the film has an extremely lackluster ending that’s incredibly anti-climatic. Hell, even Billy Drago as Preacher isn’t that spectacular and that’s shocking because Drago is a creepy looking dude and is able to create a fear-induced piss stream with something as simple as a glance in your general direction but, in the film, he looks bored and I actually felt sorry for him because he played the role like his dog died right before the director called "action" and was doing everything he can to not think about his pooch.
|"The worst part is we watched Old Yeller before he died so I'm extra sad."|
If anything, Children of the Corn: Genesis provides an excellent argument that it is time to retire the franchise. The series itself has never been the most exciting one or even one built on a rich mythology but the sheer laziness painted on the screen with this one shows that there really was no point for the studio to even bother producing this one or anymore down the line. I suppose I could make a harvest joke here but since the symbolism of corn was all but abandoned in this film, I won’t bother.
|Okay...well...there was some corn.|