Friday, May 10, 2013

Shark Hunter

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Or we can hunt some sharks...or man, the most dangerous prey of them all.

Shark Hunter – 1 out of 5

I really love bad movies. The lower the budget and more ridiculous premise the better. If you throw in some awful acting and bad special effects (and those are just a given) then you have the icing on a really bad B-movie cheesefest that doesn’t disappoint—unless you are expecting something good, then it will probably disappoint. My favorite bad movies are of the monster variety—especially when they involve sharks. Bad shark horror movies are easy to come by and they never fail to make me laugh. Shark Hunter with Antonio Sabato Jr. is no exception.

Fighting a giant shark or pooping?

This film tells the story of Spencer Northcut (Sabato). A young man with the name of a Viking who sees his parents killed and devoured by a megalodon shark—an ancient (and very extinct) member of the shark family that makes the Great White look like Peter Dinklage standing next to Shaq. Despite the trauma of seeing his parents consumed by an ocean dweller, Northcut dedicates his life to the ocean and helps invent the mother of all submarines. After the megalodon takes out an underwater facility, Northcut is enlisted by his friend to help figure out what happened—remember, the megalodon is suppose to be extinct. After saying yes and boarding the biggest freaking submarine to ever exist and seems to only be piloted by 4 people (until the body count needs to be increased then the rest of the crew shows up), Northcut quickly learns that the beast that took his parents is still out there and the rest of the team wants the damn thing alive…and you know what happens when that decision is made.

Did I mention that Northcut's mother was David Bowie?

Shark Hunter is a film I can only enjoy in order to laugh at because it is awful in every sense of the word. The acting is terrible but humorous—especially from Sabato Jr. who seems to act like this may be his moment to break out of bit parts and soap operas. The rest of the cast is filled with people who have either a loose definition of what acting is, were unaware that they were even in a movie or are with Sabato Jr. thinking that they may get an Oscar nomination for their heroic portrayal in Shark Hunter.

For some reason, the plan that involved catching a megalodon didn't include
feeding a man with a goatee like this to the shark.

Then there are the special effects that were clearly done on a catering budget for a modest family get-together (Choose Qdoba for your catering services.  Not only do their burritos satisfy immensely in the taste department but their prices are reasonable and I'm trying to get some of that sweet, sweet Qdoba cash). The CG sequences are weak and that probably explains why the body count from the shark is so low and why you rarely see the shark anyway.

But with special effects like this, do you really want to see the shark?

"The ocean is sure dry today."
 Hell, the production couldn’t even afford to actually film underwater as the scuba scenes are filmed on a sound-stage with no water and little snowflakes falling from the ceiling to…um…recreate debris in the water or the fact it snows under the waves--I don't know. The best part is seeing how this snow-bubbles or snow-debris (or whatever the hell it is) collects on the divers backs—never mind the fact it’s obvious there’s no water on set and the fact the scuba divers are walking underwater (not swimming) or even moving like there is a massive body of liquid given them resistance.

Where will you be when dandruff strikes?  Scuba diving?

There’s also a host of little things that makes the film simultaneously stupid and hilariously awesome. For example, you can make a Shark Hunter drinking game where you drink every time they say megalodon or when you see people needlessly touching each other during a conversation (seriously, there is A LOT of people slapping shoulders, slapping sides, arm grasping and tummy touching going on in this film). Or how about the time where the tough-as-nails, wannabe Carl Weathers in Predator character (played by Grand L. Bush) that gets a crunching noise to accompany his eating of an orange—a FREAKIN’ ORANGE crunches like a potato chip in this film.

"Sometimes a man just wants to eat a crunchy orange in peace."

I realize that bringing up a crunchy orange in the review seems a tad ridiculous and off the point but it just goes to show the odd decision making that went in to the picture. Either the orange Bush ate was made of plastic or something that can induce a heavy dose of bathroom time or the production decided to add a sound effect of him eating and accidentally put the “Chip Crunch” mp3 in the audio timeline and decided that going back and changing it and then having to render the entire film all over again would be a waste of time.

"This is my impression of a statue holding an invisible gun."

Shark Hunter is just one of those great bad, low-budget films that does everything wrong and, in doing so, makes something that is just “oh so right!” The film has a weak story with nearly no plot, there’s no dramatic tension that fits with the over-the-top presentation that some of the actors are bringing with their performance, the special effects are about as bad as they can be (although, I have faith the filmmakers could push themselves and done worse) and all the mysteries like the crunching orange and filming on waterless sets for underwater sequences makes the film something that is enjoyable to sit through—even though it’s not the reasons the director was going for. It’s one of those movies that is great to watch with a bunch of friends, a bunch of pizzas and adding in some illicit substances only make it much more enjoyable—although you don’t need to be high or drunk to find this one amusing.

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