Bikini Spring Break – 1 out of 5
Oh, The Asylum…what a bunch of first rate douche bags. I know that sounds harsh but have you ever seen their films? For those who don’t know who or what The Asylum is, it’s a production company that specializes in extremely low budget, unbelievably poorly acted and all around god awful Direct-to-DVD films that are usually really bad horror/monster movies that are only enjoyable if you watch it while stoned or are watching it to make fun of it MST3K-style. Often the films they make are wannabes of big budget blockbusters that look enough like the better product in order to fool the naïve and/or ignorant and enough dislike the other to stop any real threat of a lawsuit. Bikini Spring Break (shockingly not a political thriller) is their answer to the Selena Gomez breast exposing film Spring Breakers…and it keeps the epic record for The Asylum of continuing to create shit!
|They couldn't afford Selena Gomez so they hired her underdeveloped,|
possibly constipated clone.
|I wash my car the same way...in slow-motion, wearing a |
bikini and with lots of sex appeal.
|Where the fuck is this spring break happening?|
Other than being one long excuse for The Asylum to rip off Spring Breakers (or, as the media have dubbed this type of work: Mockbusters), the film is just one giant excuse to flash some mammaries to the only kid in the world who doesn’t have access to the internet and has to see some boob flesh by hitting up the local Redbox. While the film does offer up some semblance of a story (about as much as you can ask for from the company that made Nazis at the Center of the Earth) that little
|Seriously, was this filmed at a public park? Is there a family having a picnic|
by a pond just out of shot?
|"So you'll pay me in sandwiches? Oh, sandwich|
coupons...okay, I'll do it...oh, they're expired coupons...
|The man with the inflatable guitar is ready to party with|
the 5 other, non-main stars, who attended the wet t-shit
|I just had to add this pic in order to really showcase the crap The Asylum is capable of...|
this picture is suppose to be showing a near-hurricane level rain storm that occurs
in the movie. Aim for the stars, Asylum.