A Good Day to Die Hard – 2 out of 5
Damn…I really wanted to like this movie. I was excited for it when I saw the trailer and sat down with anticipation that I would get some awesome McClane/Yippi-Kay-Ya, Motherfucker action…but I didn’t get that. Instead, I got a Die Hard film that just was utterly disappointing…but at least it gave me some decent action. That’s got to count for something…right?
So, John McClane is back and he is getting all Comrade all over your vodka-chugging asses (whoa…did I just get racist against Russians?). After finding out his son was put in prison for murder, McClane (Bruce Willis—but like I really had to say who played him, COME ON!) travels to the country that, according to movies, is made entirely out of vodka, overcast skies, abandoned factories that are used for housing insane raves full of people in a lot of fur and leather and loads of snow—he went to Russian, is what I’m trying to say. Soon he finds his son Jack (Jai Courtney) after he breaks free from being detained and John finds out that his son is actually a spy sent to stop a nuclear heist from going down. Now, the McClane crew must work together to kick some ass…and…I don’t know…make their enemies die hard? (There, that is my obligatory stupid use of the title in the review that most critics are so fond of and think it makes them awesome.)
|Jack's shirt isn't red...it's just stained with the blood of his enemies.|
I really, REALLY wanted to like this movie because I’m a fan of the Die Hard films (yes, even Live Free or Die Hard—I await your negative comments about how I’m wrong and stupid and should die for liking a movie you hate) but I was so incredibly disappointed with this one. However, I was filled with such optimism that McClane wouldn’t let me down that it wasn’t until the movie was practically over that I was honest with myself and admitted that I found the film to be boring, unimaginative and just something that looks like it was thrown together last minute.
|Do you really wanna die hard with that face on your mug, McClane?|
|Nice Hans Gruber impression...very detailed.|
|"My dad is just a regular guy...which is how I learned to become a |
This time, there is no semblance. Whether it be John leaping out of a 30th floor window and landing safely or standing in the open and fire at a never-ending horde of enemies and not getting his ass shot enough times to give him rapper street cred a million times over or walking away from car crash after car crash with just a couple of cuts on the top of his bald head (remember, he had hair when this franchise started…but, I guess, if you can’t go a year or two without having to fight some form of terrorists or their revenge-happy brother, you would probably lose your hair too), McClane is no longer the man he was when the series started (in more ways than just his hair)—but that’s understandable because a character has to develop over time—but he, somewhere along the way, was injected with whatever Captain America has in his veins, ingested some of The Hulk’s piss, had a blood transfusion from Spidey or is, secretly, another lost son of Krypton because he is no longer the cop running barefoot through broken glass to stop Alan Rickman and is now, basically, a superhero and it’s kinda annoying.
|"I shared needles with Superman today, son. We can fly now."|
|When you're a villain that built and that covered in|
tattoos, you're legally required to not wear a shirt.
|Not a single person survived...but these crashes were by people hoping to block|
out McClane's constant shouting.
While it was cool to see John get to reunite with his son (who is really only established and nothing more throughout the franchise) and have an adventure with him (having his daughter added to the mix was another thing I enjoyed about LFODH…IMDb users are warming up their “you’re a faggot” comments) but the writers completely skipped over the rich, fertile land of dramatic tension this could bring to fruition (because Jack has some Daddy issues) and, instead, made Jack a super spy with the same superhuman abilities as his father. This just ends up further pushing the line that this film is just another generic action film.
|"Why didn't you buy me that Nintendo, Dad! I hate you and your constant|
saving the day from terrorism."
|I'm assuming this leads to a Stargate or a star-like|
|"Unlimited ammo, noobs. LOL!"|
Aside from these very harmful factors, the rest of the film is…decent. Bruce Willis and Jai Courtney are adequate in their roles while the rest of the cast is…well, there. The action sequences are passable and are over-the-top in such a way that they are memorable but, at the same time, are TOO over-the-top so they end up becoming too ridiculous to really appreciate. I also enjoyed that they decided against trying to appeal to a mass audience and just went with the much appreciated R-rating (that was the one thing I didn’t like about Live Free or Die Hard—but then they made it up to me with the Unrated DVD release!).
|At least another 20 innocent villains died to kill the 6 bad guys pictured.|
|Insert your own J.J. Abrams joke.|