Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Or we can finally admit to ourselves that Bigfoot is either not real or hates us.

Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes – 1 out of 5

This is actually the 2nd Bigfoot-themed “found footage” film I’ve watched in 2013 and, for the record, that’s two too many.

Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes takes the very tired (and very cheap) genre and formula of the “found footage” horror film and brings it to the world of the mythical figure of Bigfoot—you know, the giant ape only unwashed people who have a stink of alcohol on their breath see. Sean (Drew Rausch), a wannabe television show producer recruits his friend and/or fraternity brother Darryl (Rich McDonald) to help him create a pilot for a Bigfoot reality show (because somehow you can have more than one episode of guys stumbling through the woods and finding nothing—wait, shit, they have done that). With the help of an ex-girlfriend and producer (Ashley Wood) and a sound guy who acts as bad comic relief (Noah Weisberg), the team sets out to meet with a reclusive woodsman named Carl Drybeck (Frank Ashmore) who claims to have a rotting corpse of a sasquatch. However, once they stop making fun of Drybeck (which is totally a professional thing to do when filming a potential reality show), the crew learns that there really is a threat surrounding them in the woods and no one is going to get out alive.

"I've brought you into the woods to find something special...Jesus."

Considering the film is a Direct-to-DVD production, the fact the acting is awful, there’s not a single recognizable name in the bunch, the bad story and the fact it’s a “found footage” film (a genre that is made only to maximize returns and cut down on the budget by throwing out things like a story and a script--in case you haven't caught on, I don't like "found footage" films) it was pretty much guaranteed that I would not enjoy this one—at least not in the way the filmmakers intended but given the level of quality the film throws at you, I’m not entirely sure the production really wanted the audience to really care about their movie. Sadly, though, I wasn’t really able to enjoy this as something that I can just kick back and make fun of either because it was, literally, just that bad.

This is what you see for 50% of the time during the climax of the film.

The film has only one redeeming factor but I’ll get to that later. Nearly everything else is just awful. The film doesn’t really have a story going on but rather a thin premise that has become all too common with the “found footage” genre. It’s basically “found footage” mad libs going on here. Something is happening, we need to investigate and film everything. That’s all that is going on. The "something" is finding Bigfoot and the writer and director thinks that is enough to make a movie on. It tries to offer up a twist ending but after no chills, suspense and terror; the ending is just bland and pointless.

This is what you see for the other 50% of the time during the climax.

Since the point of the film was clearly not about having an engaging or even remotely interesting story, it’s no surprise that the characters in the movie are cliché and basically are cardboard cutouts of stock characters. Drybeck is the eccentric outdoorsman all decked out in camo and ready with a gun in a heartbeat. The crew’s sound guy looks kinda like Andy Samberg so they naturally make him a goofy, dumb character and try to allow him to give some comic relief to the film but nothing he does is funny and, in doing so, helps make the argument that this film was a giant jerk-off session to get people’s money when they see this one at the local Redbox.

"People who look kinda like famous funny peope must be funny." - The director.

The film gives you a single female character in the form of the producer along for the ride and she’s about as useful as most women are in horror films—albeit the producers showed some restraint and she doesn’t get naked. Her role in the film is to be the object of eye candy and lustful, semi-rapey discussions from the guys in the film and then later ends up being a damsel in distress.

"Let's face it, sweet heart, you're in this movie for only one reason.  Now...
do you come here often?"

Then you have the two main characters who are potential spokesmen for a possible Axe body spray/Ed Hardy clothing line crossover. Both men are despicable human beings who not only spend a majority of their time douche-trashing each other but they talk disparagingly about the Carl Drybeck character; openly mocking him as they make him the center of their documentary. But their asshole-ish personas don’t stop with their very unprofessional behavior towards the man who agreed to be taped for their show but they treat the sound guy like a punching bag and the only woman around as something that only exists for their sexual conquests.

Meanwhile, off screen, the two douche bags are talking about how her arms
are covering up her boobs.

From the moment they enter the film, you hope these men die a terrible death because they are useless scum of human beings and the film literally gives you no reason to care about them—that is, unless, you are a member of the audience who uses the phrases “brah” and “crush it” in you daily vocabulary. If that’s the case, you are probably talking about how awesome they are and busy talking about the dirty things you would do to the female character along with them. In the last ten years, this type of character has become a way too common archetype for a horror film character—I yearn for the day when we can have characters in horror movies that aren’t complete assholes and you actually want them to live.

Sweet shit on a spike!  No wonder we can't find Bigfoot, he's probably
hiding up that nose.

It’s no surprise that, given the clear lack of a script and the characters who I’m pretty sure don’t actually have names and are just given vague descriptions of their behavior, the acting is just awful. Granted Frank Ashmore as Drybeck is pretty decent and is able to make due with what little his character has going on for it and Ashley Wood seems like she has some talent that is intentionally squandered just to make sure the douche characters are ogling her ass but the hardest actor to deal with is Drew Rausch as Sean (or Douche Bag Number 1, to be more accurate). The character is supposed to be a typical Hollywood executive but comes off much less so. Rausch throws out some buzz words that basically amounts to him acting like how he thinks a Hollywood executive is suppose to be but he comes off more like he watch the intro of Entourage and said, “I think I get the gist of it, let’s film.”

He also has a face that seems to be made for accepting punches.

Things only get worse when you see him in front of the camera playing the role of the host of the show. What follows is what a overacting drama major whose overly supportive parents and teachers who clearly have been blackmailed by said parents in order to stop the truth about their son’s inability to act thinks a host is suppose to be (Rausch is clearly doing a lot of assuming in this project). His hosting voice sounds more like a bad zoo crew morning show (I say bad but are there any good zoo crew morning shows?) mixed with a heavy dose of game show host. Every time he talked about Bigfoot I expected him to yell, “You just won a brand new car!!!!”

Seriously, a really punchable face.

The only real thing this film does right is it, very rarely, excellently uses the background to make a potential creepy situation.  Very few "found footage" horror movies utilize all the unused background space to create hidden treasures of scares but this one at least attempted to use it as some background images are thrown in.  Granted with all the other elements working against the film, these tidbits get lost in the shuffle but at least they tried.

He pulled that out of his nose.  I was right!  Bigfoot is hiding in his nose.

Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes is a very clearly phoned in project filled with a lack of a flowing story, a lack of acceptable acting, and a game show host for some reason. It’s clear that such things that go into a film (like production, a decent cast and a plot) were intentionally left out in order to get money from unsuspecting members of our society. I would never openly advocate illegally downloading any copyright materials here on my blog but if, for some reason you have a desire to see this film, there is definitely a case for openly breaking the law in order to view it.

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