Friday, March 29, 2013


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Or we can explores the far reaches of space!

    Explorers – 4 out of 5

This is a movie I watched quite bit when I was knee high to a grasshopper (horrible shrink ray accident) but as I grew older and my attention span targeted only breasts, the film worked its way out of my rotation and it has been many a year since I’ve watched it. Recently I was reminded of its existence and sought out a copy of it on DVD but when the idea of getting out of my chair and the possibility of putting on pants entered my head I almost gave up on the quest. But alas, I sought out and I discovered a copy for myself…many Bothans died so I could have it.

"Don't bother me, I'm busy with my new COMP-PU-TER."

"What do you guys want to do today?  Play some stickball
or travel through mother fuckin' space?"
 Explorers is a 1985 film from Joe Dante (the director who pretty much gave me my childhood by directing the Gremlins films, The ‘Burbs and Innerspace—to name a few) and it centers on three friends; Ben (Ethan Hawke in his first role), Wolfgang (River Phoenix, also in his first role) and Darren (Jason Presson, a kid who would later achieve fame as Alex the Yogurt Jerk in Gremlins 2). Wolfgang is a science wiz (the stereotypical jock reading this just screamed “NERD!!!!”) and has developed the required stasis field that could theoretically get these friends into space and to worlds beyond. After constructing a primitive shuttle out of a carnival ride and christening it ThunderRoad, the trio set out on a test flight and find themselves being contacted by an alien race. On their second journey, they throw caution to the wind and decide to locate the ones trying to reach them…had the boys known about the possibility of anal probes such a decision would have not been made so lightly.

State of the art animation that made the "Money for Nothing" video shit
itself with envy.

Are you my mommy?
 Like I said, it’s been years since I’ve seen this movie but I’m glad I came back to watch it. It’s just as fun as I remember. For being a collection of kids, the trio of actors are all great and their performances are just as fun to watch as a 31 year old man as it was when I was a wee one. The special effects are a little dated but, for the most part, hold up no different that some of the better special effects films of the time. Sure it’s no computer effects extravaganza that we see today but at least the scenes of the ship flying through space don’t have strings connected to it.

And on that day, they learned the terrible truth that all those crazy people
who talk about the moon landing being fake were actually right.

First gremlins and now kids rocketing through the
atmosphere...Dick Miller just can't catch a break.
 The thing that appealed most to my simple mind when I used to watch this was the wonder it filled with me. To this day I’ve always had a fascination with the prospect of life on other planets. I sure as shit believe they are out there but do I believe they have been here kidnapping our backwoods bumpkins and mutilating our cows? Absolutely not but I will never outright deny the existence that there is the potential for life to be out there and way out of our grasp. Bigfoot, on the other hand, fuck that guy because he’s not real.

"Time to shake this like what it is, I guess."

Explorers appealed to my hopes of meeting life on other planets and hoping they would shed some light on the mysteries of the universe—like why some people in their forties still carry Velcro wallets. I saw myself in Ben, Wolfgang and Darren and wanted to have what they had; a sweet but odd looking ship and the chance to meet an alien named Wak who, if you’ve seen the movie, has spent too much time watching television (thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that film wasn’t made now because Wak would have seen Honey Boo Boo and the cast of Jersey Shore and would have immediately declared war on our planet.)

"Time now for the probe!  Ha ha, just kidding, it's a mind probe...
the anal one comes later."

Revisiting Explorers brought me back to my youth and reminded me why I watched this one so often when I was wearing short pants. Now that I’m older (and still wearing shorts—yeah, even in winter. I’m one of those guys) I can still see the appeal of the film and now appreciate on a different level as it brings the kid out in me…but thankfully not in a chest-bursting way like in Alien.  More of a Kool-Aid man sort of way...only the wall is metaphorical...but not the Kool-Aid, that is 100% real and authentic.  Actually, now I'm confused on what exactly the point is that I'm making.  You guys remember Ecto Cooler Kool-Aid?  I could really go for a glass of that right now for some reason.


  1. Sup Ron? I watched this recently with my boy, he's four and he was really into it. It was much better than I expected it to be.


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