Here Comes the Boom – 3 out of 5
I don’t watch the UFC. It’s not that I have anything against the violence (do you read this blog and how I express my undying love of violent media) but I’m not really a sports guy—I barely have any understanding of them (however, I do know that homeruns are the scoring units in hockey—duh!) but my lack of any reaction or enthusiasm of the MMA events probably has to do with the fan base are the same guys who were shoving me into lockers in high school. It’s easy to say that the UFC is the domain of the douche bags but you don’t see many nerds or hippies rocking “Tapout” shirts.
|I put a "Tapout" shirt on once...the shirt became sentient and kicked my nerdy ass.|
Here Comes the Boom is the story about a down on its luck high school that is forced to cut the budget and eliminate the music program from school (basically that same problem you see in commercials about how without the arts, we'll all be boring assholes or something, I really don't pay attention to those commercials). Kevin James stars as Scott Voss an unenthusiastic science teacher who’s lost the lust for his job and, after realizing that losing the music program, he’ll lose his best friend, fellow teacher and head of the music department; Marty (Henry Winkler). In an effort to raise the money so his friend can keep his job and impress the school nurse played by Selma Hayek, Voss decides to start battling in the Octagon because he learned that even if you lose, you still get a decent payday. With the help of one of his students from his night job at a citizenship class (played by real-life MMA fighter Bas Rutten), Voss starts to learn the ways of fighting and his story inspires the UFC and UFC announcer Joe Rogan (played by Nicolas Cage—I’m kidding, Rogan played himself…but it would be awesome if Cage played him) invites the teacher to Las Vegas to be a part of a big fight that could effectively save Marty’s job.
|Damn it would have been awesome if Nicolas Cage played him.|
There was a time when I really enjoyed Kevin James. I found his stand-up to be incredibly amusing and I really enjoyed King of Queens when it was on-air. However, his transition to film has been shaky at best. He has yet to find the role that showed he has the talent I know he has (and allying himself with Adam Sandler was probably not the best move). I went into this film expecting something as hooky as Zookeeper or, even worse, as groan-inducing as Grown Ups was but, instead, I found a movie that was mildly amusing.
|That big? Really? You expect me to buy that, Fonzie?|
|If only he fought as hard getting away from any movie|
with Adam Sandler in it.
|And this is what they shall be doing to me later...the dumbest punch ever.|
Oh, it's still going to destroy my face but it's still a stupid punch.
|He's got crazy in his eyes...Rutten is about to have an MMA|
|Here Bas Rutten is doing his best Robert De Niro.|
|The jacket says "I can cook" but the smile says "I spit|
in your food."
|But this movie is heavy on the sex appeal...the sweaty, man-boobed sex appeal.|
|James takes a beating better than I can...I wet myself when|
someone just balls a fist in front of me.