Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Stag Night of the Dead

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Stag Night of the Dead – 1 out of 5

Like it or not, zombies are a big thing in pop culture. Zombie entertainment is everywhere and it’s really freaking hard to find some that resembles something good and well made. I love zombies and can’t wait for the day the dead rise and I can be the hero I’ve been training my whole life to be (my life is sad in so many ways—as if having a movie review blog wasn’t evidence enough) however, I hate 99% of all zombie fiction. Most of them are slapped together to try and get that undead cash like all the vampire crap out there trying to get tween girls to waste their parents’ money on books and movies that remind them of wimpy sparkling stalkers from some other books and movies. There are some great examples of zombie fiction out there like The Walking Dead (in comic, book and show form—pretty much all its forms) or Shaun of the Dead (so far, one of the only funny zombie comedies) or Romero’s early work before he went insane and made Diary of the Dead and believed it somehow belonged with his other great works like Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead. Sadly, Stag Night of the Dead isn’t one of those great works…although you can pretty much guess that from the title.

Dean is about to get married so his friends take him out for a stag night. They hit the world’s most well lit strip club to ever exist (image all the C-section scars you could see there) before hitting a secret military base to play a game called Zomball.

I guess all the lights need to be on so you can properly objectify the women and
the men can be tortured.

Zomball is a game where a person gets to run around and shoot zombies with a special stun-gun. However, because it wouldn’t be a zombie film if everything went well, the zombies get loose and now Dean and his friends (that includes a stripper who was paid to boing Dean and, for some reason, some people think strippers and zombies go together like peanut butter and jelly or sex with me and regret) are in a fight for survival.

That one guy's stun blast looks a little limp...but that'll happen sometimes.

If the title alone is enough to warn you that this movie was made for no other reason than to cash in on the success that Romero created (the use of “…of the Dead” is a dead—get it?—give away) the fact that literally nothing (and I mean nothing) works in this film is all the evidence you need to know that not a single ounce of care or respect was place towards this film. Everything from the weak story, the lazy plot, the bad acting, awful sound and some of the worst editing I’ve ever seen all scream “Hey, we didn’t bother trying with this movie.”

Seriously...they didn't even try.

I understand the intent was this film was supposed to be a comedy but they forgot one crucial thing: Jokes. The movie tries to offer up some goofy stuff like an annoying character who acts like a white gansta but dresses like he is in a cover band of late 80s/early 90s radio friendly rap songs. The problem is this character doesn’t work for one reason—I’ll give you a hint, the Achilles’ heel rest within the way I described him…he’s fucking annoying. Every single word out of his mouth (and sadly, there are a lot of them) is just cringe worthy and painfully unfunny.
"Kris Kross, Young MC and MC Hammer is just a few of the artist our group

Sure the film likes to throw some reoccurring gags at you but the problem rests in the fact these gags weren’t funny to begin with so they’re just beating a dead horse throughout the movie—actually, beating a dead horse could have been funny if they work in a Sarah Jessica Parker reference. The rest of the time the jokes are just stale or don’t even qualify as a joke so while watching the film you just feel like you are watching a movie made by people who either have the world’s worst sense of humor or they don’t have any understanding of what a joke actually is.
Then again, you kinda expect a guy in a shirt like that to not be funny.

Bad acting was an obvious going into this movie as it feels like it was filled with friends of the filmmakers (or the filmmakers themselves but with name changes so it seemed like others worked on the film) but the level of bad filmmaking was something I wasn’t prepared for. I knew this movie was going to be cheap and look bad but I wasn’t expecting a film to look worse than if it was made by some teenagers, the cheapest editing software a person can illegally torrent and a camcorder that stopped being produced in the 80s.

The film quality sucks—BADLY—but the editing is just absolutely atrocious. During the game of Zomball you see the guys shooting zombies with their stun-guns and you see the zombies approaching or being shot but the stun blasts but you never see these two elements share the same shot. Add together choppy sound editing and it looks like the douches of the bachelor party and the zombies actually occupy two different universes let alone looking like they are only feet apart.

"We're not even in the same country as the guys shooting."

I know this sound like I’m being picking and the one fan this movie has that somehow found my review is probably saying that not all zombie comedies can be as good as Shaun of the Dead and they didn’t have the money to make it look good but I don’t think any amount of money could have made this film better…unless it went towards hiring a decent writer, people who can act, a director who knows how to tell his cameraman to focus shots and someone who has even the most rudimentary understanding of editing. Actually, money could have made this movie better as long as everything that went into this film was replaced with stuff that works. that a Juggalo zombie in the background?  This movie just got even worse.

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