Friday, January 11, 2013

Encino Man

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Encino Man – 3 out of 5

Boy, I haven’t seen this movie in years. I wonder if it is just as bad as I remember…*Cut to me after watching it* Yes…yes it is.

Shore's character does it in order to buy a shirt that comes
equipped with dignity.
For those of you too young to know of this movie or have even heard of Pauly Shore outside of whatever Direct-to-DVD shitty spoof he’s starring in lately, the film is about two high school friends played by Rudy (Sean Astin) and The Weasel (Shore) who find a frozen caveman in Samwise Gamgee’s backyard. They decide to thaw him and try to adjust him to this new society—which, as the movie shows it’s not really that difficult. Astin’s character (who is actually named Dave) does this to try and win the heart of the school’s hottest girl that is, of course, dating the school’s most popular guy who is also the city of Encino’s biggest Douche Rag.

In the 90s, this incredibly average looking woman with no real defining qualities
was considered the epitome of the hottest thing in school.

Ha ha, disrespecting women by groping them is funny.
Once they teach the cave man to dress like a walking 90s stereotype, they name him Link (Brendan Fraser) and introduce him to high school where he suddenly become a huge hit despite the fact he can barely communicate outside of grunts and trying to grope women’s breasts (he’s a caveman after all, molestation wasn’t a thing during the Ice Age). However, it’s high school, they will soon learn that all the social structures and the individuals they rise to be their betters will soon be meaningless once they hit real society and all those girls who were the hottest things walking to chemistry class will soon realize that their bodies will turn against them and all the dudes who thought they were top dogs would soon be intolerant dicks who become cops because they still desire to push people around…I got stuck inside a lot of lockers in my high school days in case that wasn’t clear.

I also made that same face when dancing in high school...actually I make that face
when dancing now.

Okay, Encino Man is a terrible film. It’s never funny and the story is something you would see on a Disney Channel cartoon but it has a certain charm to its stupidity (despite Pauly Shore’s presence) that makes the film fun to watch. Granted I’m watching it and enjoying it for its stupidity but at least I’m enjoying it right?

And I enjoy that hair.

For some reason in the 90s, Pauly Shore was a hot commodity and was very popular. In the 90s, people turned a blind eye to the fact people can be annoying as all hell and crafted them to be celebrities. Such a thing is NEVER done now.

Shore always plays the same character in all the movies he’s in—the inane surfer personality that somehow made him famous. Due to this, I proposed a theory in my revisit review of Jury Duty that Shore is not only acting the same in all the movies but actually playing the same character in each film and all his movies exist within the same shared universe. For example, this film; Encino Man, starts out this world where he’s a high school student that unearths a caveman. After the events in the film, Stoney Brown (yep, that’s his name in the film) leaves Dave and Link behind to go to college where he now goes by the name of Crawl. There he meets a girl and ends up going home to meet her family in order to pose as her boyfriend (Son in Law). After the events in that film, Brown (now Crawl) decides that the life he’s leading is not for him (or gets run out of town because his act gets old) and he finds himself in Glendale, California where he befriends a man name Jack and works at a Best Buy wannabe store.

Brown has now taken the name of Bones Conway (because assumingly when thinking up his new identity he was watching a Star Trek re-run before seeing Tim Conway on a commercial or something). There they end up joining the army and the film In the Army Now is made. After the events in the movie transpire (which included Shore and Andy Dick somehow saving the day and opening a seemingly successful electronic store), Conway’s relationship with Lori Petty’s character falls apart when the business goes under after a Circuit City comes into town (the further kick in the balls here is Circuit City themselves later went under) and after possibly killing a hooker he’s forced to leave town again and ultimately finds himself in a new town with a new name; Tommy Collins (because he thought of his name while at a bar).

In this new town, he fails to become a stripper and ends up serving on a jury where he milks the system, shows he’s an incompetent fool before winning the love of his fellow jurors and, even more impossible, the heart of Tia Carrere. Once the story of Jury Duty ends, Tia Carrere’s character finds out that Tommy Collins murdered a hooker in another town and is about to call the cops on him before he flees, yet again complete with another name; Bud “Squirrel” Macintosh—this time he got his name after a series of rapid-fire eye movements that caught sight of a Budweiser, a old Apple computer and, of course, a squirrel.

In his new home, he meets pre-born again Stephen Baldwin and, in a series of hilariously unfunny events, ends up in experimental bio-dome where his annoying behavior once again gets him into trouble and also somehow manages to snag some hot tail. Then in 2003, he apparently dies.

And that’s my Pauly Shore shared universe theory…what was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, Encino Man

Almost forgot I was reviewing this thing.

The best thing about this movie—other than it’s really great to watch while high because then you can laugh at it without making fun of it—is that it gave birth to this .gif…

I know it’s strange to be glad of a movie’s existent only for the fact that it’s amusing to watch while on a illicit substance and a 3 second animated picture but when you consider other movie that are out there, having these two things going for it is a lot more than what Gilgi has gone down in history for.  But, like I was saying, the best thing about this movie is the fact it gave birth to Brendan Fraser's career and he gave us himself fighting a mummy and eventually became the star of this YouTube video...

So, Encino Man is partially responsible for that, so it can't be entirely bad.

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