Sunday, December 9, 2012


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!
Stolen – 2 out of 5

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a fan of Nicolas Cage (to the point I get to refer to him as just Nic—the rest of you peons are not allowed to do that). I find his unique style of overacting to be an art form and while most of his movies are pure, high quality crap there’s an odd charm and enjoyment to some of his works. Sadly, Stolen is not one of those movies.  Rather than be one of those movie that are so bad it’s good, it , instead, is just blah…but at least it’s not like some of his other work.

Uh oh...Cage has that look of insanity in his eyes...

Okay, so the story goes that Nic Cage (as Will Montgomery) is a criminal about to pull a big heist with his partner Vincent (Josh Lucas), a tag along who’s presence on the team is never truly explained; Riley (Malin Akerman) and, even more mysteriously, M.C. Gainey playing the tech guy; Hoyt. The team is out for a 10 million dollar score but little do they know that the cops are out to shut them down. Obsessed officers Tim Harlend (Danny Huston) and Fletcher (Mark Valley) are lying in wait. When the trap is sprung, the group flees and Will is left to take the blame, torching the money before his arrest to reduce his sentence. After getting out of prison, Will tries to reconnect with his daughter; Alison (Sami Gayle) who he hasn’t seen all the years avoiding being butt raped. Unfortunately, it seems his former partner Vincent—once believed to be dead—is still among the living and a little upset with Will (in his defense, Will DID shoot him in the leg and BFFs or not, that will hurt a friendship). So, Vincent does what any rational man would do: He talked out his problems with Will over some tea and cucumber sandwiches and they had a tear-filled make-up that ended in a long, bear hug…and more weeping. Actually, Vincent kidnaps Will’s daughter and wants the ten million dollars or he’ll kill Alison. With the money ashes, the cops justifiably leery of the rants and raving of a Nicolas Cage and with the fact they believe that Vincent is already dead, what’s a man to do? Whatever it takes…especially overact!

And apparently his daughter is Justin Bieber.

I always take Nic Cage in a role with a grain of salt. We know he loves to chew scenery but that man made it work for him and built a career out of it. We love to hate on Cage for his acting but the man has been in some good movies…and a lot of bad ones—but some of those bad ones are so entertainingly bad that they become good. Like The Wicker Man…man that movie is all kinds of awful but it sure is fun to watch and make fun of. Amazingly, however, was Nic’s insanity that is what he calls acting was overshadowed by another actor who I can’t quite figure out why he get roles and that is Josh Lucas.

But both are overshadowed by that stuffed bear.

Josh Lucas is known for his over-the-top style but unlike Cage, he always comes off as just annoying rather than amusing to me. This movie is no exception as he actually out-crazies Nic Cage in this movie during a few sequences and decides that he’s going to ham it up throughout the rest of this film. He reminded me of a community college drama coach in this one. In fact, if Lucas was playing an overactor playing the role of a criminal, his work might border on brilliant…however, for a simple film like Stolen, I don’t think there was that deep of a level brought to this project.

Josh Lucas:  An actor known for his subtle performances.

Stolen doesn’t do much particularly wrong but didn’t do much to stand out for me either. Sure, Lucas’ performance is awful and laughable at points and Danny Huston feels like he just wander on to set and decided to play a role in the movie but, overall, Stolen isn’t too bad. However, the story just wasn’t that…um…spectacular enough, I guess. I wasn’t expecting some big budget, summer blockbuster stuff but Nic Cage trying to get his daughter back at first feels a lot like Taken and ends up becoming a generic ransom movie that really didn’t try anything new. It actually felt like it could have belong as an episode on a syndicated action series that somehow got Nicolas Cage to star in an episode. It just didn’t feel like a movie.

"I'm just going to stare at this board till I figure out what went wrong with my career."

Overall, Stolen was bland and flavorless. Sure it will fill you up as it’s not unwatchable but very little about it tastes good. Also, I finished this review right about lunchtime and I seemed to be preoccupied with food right now so I’ll end it there a so I can get a sandwich.

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