Sunday, July 1, 2012

Red Tails

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!
Red Tails - 2 out of 5
Racism, sadly, has yet to disappear.  Today, it just takes the form of calling a powerful black man a socialist, a Muslim or requesting to see his long-form birth certificate.  However, there was a time when future Conservatives of the world were more open and honest about their bigotry.  Like in WWII when white people believed that the color of your skin automatically dictated if you were capable of fighting for your country or being able to operate complicated machinery.
"Um...guys, can anyone else see that volleyball game going on?  What the fuck is wrong
with white people?"

Red Tails is a fictionalized story produced by George Lucas about the real life Tuskegee Airemen--a flight squad of African Americans during Dubya Dubya Two.  The events in the film didn't actually happen but were rather inspired by the real brave men who stood up against the masses of the uncultured, ignorant white men who, in another time, would be loyal Fox News viewers (actually, if some are still alive, they probably are).
Few people realize this but Terrence Howard is capable of shooting laser beams
out of his eyes...this is how he looks before he does it.

"Can we hurry this meeting up?  I have blue meth to cook."
Eager to prove to the white man that they are equally talented in the flying department, the Airmen use their commanding officer (Terrence Howard) to grease the wheels of the military machine in order to get them out of the routine missions of taking out German supply runs and hit the Goose-steppers where it hurts--in the balls...and by balls, I mean one of their airfields.  Despite the stance of many of the higher ups, especially Colonel William Mortamus (Bryan Cranston), the Airmen are allowed to merge into the Danger Zone and crank the Kenny Loggins as they buzz the tower and play very homoerotic volleyball before taking out some Nazi asses.  (Note:  All references to Top Gun, including but not limited to the volleyball scene that most likely ended in a gay orgy--didn't actually happen within this film.  Also, it should be noted that when I insinuate that Top Gun is gay, I'm not using it in the teenage slang way and calling the movie lame.  While it is an awful movie, when I call Top Gun gay, I mean the film itself is attracted to other movies of the same sex (or genre?) ).
Still Cuba...this is better than Pearl Harbor.

On the surface, Red Tails looks good.  Really good.  The story is solid, you have Cuba Gooding Jr. and Terrence Howard so you don't have to worry about bad performances and the special effects are incredible!  The dog fight sequences look terrific and are very exciting but one major flaw keeps this movie from achieving something more.
Why do I hear "Rock You Like a Hurricane" all of a sudden?

A complete lack of development and one-dimensional characters hurts this movie immensely.  A majority of the pilots lack any real substance to their characters so seeing them in any kind of peril in the skies and being shot at by Nazis makes for little emotional connections being's even harder to worry about their characters when only one in the sky gets much play in the story and the rest are so flat (and remain so throughout the run of the film) that I can't even remember most of their names or call I started calling them all Goose...and remember, I HATE Top Gun.  Most naysayers will blame this on George Lucas being the producer and they will cite the black stereotype Jar Jar Binks or all the prequels for the reasons behind this but Lucas didn't write it...let go of your hate of the prequels, people.  Hate leads to the dark side.

Hey!  It's Bubbles from The Wire!!!  And Method Man for some reason...
I thought his career was dead thanks to Meet the Spartans.

Despite the fact that Method Man somehow  got into this film, Red Tails had the potential to be a great movie but without enough emphasis on the characters--or at least enough that could have matched the amazing special effects--the movie never truly achieves a proper take-off...also, I apologize for the stupid pun that ended this review and not closing it with another disparaging comment about Top Gun.

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