Saturday, February 11, 2012


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

ThanksKilling - 2 out of 5 

People often ask me, "Ron what are you doing on my property when the restraining order clearly states you have to be 500 feet from me at all times?" but more so people ask me, "Ron, why do you intentionally seek out films that you know are going to be bad going into it?"  The answer seems simple but for some reasons boggles the minds of some.  I love bad movies because it provides a flip-side on the entertainment coin that you don't get with a good movie.  While it may be awesome to sit back and watch a genuinely great film, there's something absolutely fun about a piece of crap movie.  Often I walk away with the same sense of satisfaction I get when I finish a Christopher Nolan film.  So, when my friend recommended to me a movie called ThanksKilling, the title alone sold me on the fact I had to see it.

Meet your villain...Jason Vorhees has hung up his machete and hockey mask and has
retired in embarrassment for the genre.

For a movie that takes place in New England, the autumn
months sure are green.
The movie is about a possessed and evil turkey that comes to kill every couple of hundred of years after an Indian magic-man was greatly disrespected by some pilgrims.  Well, the time has come for the gobbler to do his death thing and some college kids excited to be on Thanksgiving break (which they mistake for Spring Break at the beginning of the film--I'm not kidding, one character actually flubs her line and calls it Spring Break) and they find themselves face to beak with the foul fowl.  With a story like that, how could you go wrong on the bad movie scale?  You can't.  This is one of those movies that was tailor-made for a bunch of friends to sit around and make fun of.  Right off the bat, the movie picks a path of crap as the first shot is a tight closeup of a boob belonging to the porn star Wanda Lust.  However, this flesh shot proves to be the film's Achilles's Heel as it seems the entire budget was thrown into getting this chick to expose herself.

What happens when you can't get your actress to go nude for a sex scene?
Let your actors go fully clothed for it.

As stupid as ThanksKilling is, the movie actually becomes difficult to review as the movie feels, at times, like they were intentionally making a bad film (and there's no doubt in my mind that was the desire) but, at times, the movies feels like the filmmakers forgot they were making crap and got lost in their demented imaginations and deluded themselves enough to make them believe they were making art as lines are suddenly thrown into the film that resembles what a faux-pretentious self-proclaimed elitist would think is brilliant.  I'm not joking as suddenly lines of dialogue will try to become deep and become drenched in delusions of grandeur.  But this will suddenly be thrown into the trash as the hand puppet that is the turkey will come in spewing F-bombs and somehow actually kills people--evil turkey or not, the puppets limited movements make the killing scenes simultaneous painful, ridiculous and hilarious to sit through.

ThanksKilling:  90210.

To get a better understanding the level of crap this movie is, the filmmakers openly admit that they came up with the film's tagline, "Gobble Gobble, Motherfucker," before they ever wrote the script.  It reminds me of a self-proclaimed writer that I met who told me the most important thing a writer has to come up with is the title of what they are writing.  I'm pretty sure that man probably worked on this project because only he would come up with a title like ThanksKilling and would probably high-five himself with the false belief he's more brilliant than anyone else.  And for further understanding of this man I met, he told me that writing jokes for my stand-up routine doesn't qualify as writing. 

"I'm the nerd character.  That means I'm awkward, uncool but, for some reason, have all the answers."

ThanksKilling is pure, uncut crap that comes about when a trust-fund dropout gets his hands on a decent camera and convinces/threatens/blackmails his friends into starring in his movie.  However, despite the fact it is a complete wash, the movie is easy to make fun of and makes the movie pretty entertaining to sit through.

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