Monday, February 13, 2012

Porky's Revenge

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Porky's Revenge - 1 out of 5

It is my blessing and it is my obsession with movies.  I'll take anyone's recommendations, I'll give any movie a chance even if it's not within my comfort realm or a genre I'm particularly prone to and, above all else, I'll see any franchise to the end if I gave the first one a shot.  Like I said, it's my curse and no more problematic has my curse been than with the Porky's franchise.

If you remember my review of the first two, I didn't particularly enjoy them because they were unfunny, poorly written and slapped together examples of a genre, thanks to the internet, is going the way of the dodo.  Sex comedies were originally an expression of the sexual revolution where being ashamed of the act of sex and the naked form was being thrown away with, however as time passed, the sex comedy became more of an excuse to phone-in jokes and plaster the screen with boobies.  No greater example of this formula was the Porky's films and somehow, beyond all logic and reason, it made it to a third one.

The elusive and mythical edit of Avatar that is actually good.

If you've taken the time to view these films, you know that the title is actually the name of a bar/strip club/casino owned by a very rotund man.  Some sex crazed high school kids want in to the joint in an effort to make use of its less-than-legal services but are embarrassed by the proprietor instead and the kids decide to take some revenge.  Well, it seems Porky himself was plotting as well as he spent the entire 2nd film missing and returned for the third one to dish out the dish that is often served cold (serving suggestion).  However, the title can be quite misleading because Porky never really seeks out revenge.

So the sex crazed kids who's names I never bothered to learn (even by the third film) find out that Porky is back in business and now has their basketball coach by the short hairs as he went too far with gambling and is in major debt with the plump man.  The kids agree to throw the national championship in an effort to get the coach out from under Porky's heel.  Despite the arrangement, the boys decide to go against the deal and win the championship, much to the chagrin of Porky.  Now the hormone-drenched high school jocks are forced to once again take out Porky's empire.

They're laughing, so you know they're not watching any of the Porky's movies.

In my reviews of the other films, I've stated that besides the movies being painfully unfunny, the biggest complaint is the lack of story and plot that keeps the movies going.  Each one prior to this one felt like a series of skits containing the film's characters that were stringed together with a very loose plot.  Most of the films' scenes have little to do with each other and at times you question what the film is actually about.  When Porky's Revenge first started, I thought they learned their lesson as the movie seems like it's going to have a central story with no diverging into pointless scenes that neither compliment or support the film's foundation....but, in true Porky's fashion, that didn't happen as it seems the writers of the film only wrote about 20 minutes worth of footage to be used as the film's A-storyline.  Like the other films, the movie is then filled with pointless filler and scenes that take the form of the overly familiar pranks and attempts to get laid.

What a charming man.  Wait, did I say "charming?"  I meant "sweaty."

The only good thing I found from Porky's Revenge is the fact that the madness is finally over and my torture is now complete...until my curse rears its ugly head and I'm sitting through another bad franchise.

1 comment:

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