Wednesday, April 20, 2011


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Skyline - 1 out of 5

The alien invasion film has been a staple of Hollywood for decades. Ever since it first became a marketable concept, movies about invading forces from creatures beyond the stars have made their way to our cinemas and sometimes they're absolutely fantastic but an overwhelming majority of them are films that just copy what the successful ones have done--or they just suck completely. Skyline is a mixture of the last two.

It's clear from the start of this film that all the money went into the special effects--leaving very little for big name (or even B-list) actors to fill the cast and absolutely no cash for original creature design. Created by The Brother Strause--the A-holes who gave us AVPR: Aliens vs Predator: Requiem and also directed numerous Nickelback videos (these facts alone can tell you how bad this film will be)--Skyline is your typical alien invasion film except the aliens are out for human brains. I guess the Strause brothers thought that having only zombies crave human brains was xenophobic. What follows is more typical alien invasion cliches as the film follows a small group of people trying to get away from the terror--complete with nameless characters who get killed off moments after they're introduced.

As I stated early, it's clear the film spent all it's budget on special effects because the cast you get is C-list (if they're lucky) level televisions stars who are grossly out of their element. You know your science fiction/alien invasion special effects orgy is fucked from the get-go when you can only afford to get Batista from Dexter and Scrubs' Turk. Things get even worse when your hero is Eric Balfour. The film tries really hard to convince you that Balfour's character is a nice guy--too hard even as the film stops short of showing him help an old woman cross the road. The problem is that Balfour always plays douche bag characters and when your hero of your alien movie has a douche bag hair cut, douche bag microtrimmed goatee and dresses like a douche bag, you can't help but look at him like a douche bag. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck than Eric Balfour is playing a douche bag. So, every time the film tries to portray him as a hero, I just found myself either laughing or shaking my head at the nonsense of it all. Now as far as David Zayas (Batista from Dexter), his performance was so flat that I nearly found myself weeping and pleading for him to return to Miami and portray the lovable cop along side the serial killer. And finally, you got Donald Faison (Turk from Scrubs)...let's just say that it would have been better for his post-Scrubs career to never be seen again than do this film.

And then you have the horrible aliens...The creature designer of this film should not be allowed to work in movies again as all he did was steal from other films in order to come up with the invasion force. For example, image if the squids from The Matrix mated with the aliens from Independence Day...that's what this film delivered to you--complete with a giant vagina on the front of it. I guess he stole that from Starship Troopers.

The acting is terrible, the concept is inane and, for the most part, seen before and the film offers very few redeeming qualities. In fact, you can't even watch this for a laugh because it is so boring and drags for no reason in the middle--it didn't even drag for story purposes, it just dragged because, apparently, The Brothers Strause felt the film was moving too fast for you. This would be true is you had a lobotomy. In fact, the only thing this movie has going for it is a couple humorous moments that were completely unintentional by the filmmakers. For example, Balfour's love interest is constantly referred to in the film as "very attractive" despite the fact the actress playing her (Scottie Thompson) looks like an alien herself. It's like the film is trying to fool the viewer and pull a Jedi Mind Trick on us and convince us that she's good looking because they couldn't find a model desperate enough for an acting career to fill the shoes. However, nothing is funnier than the incredibly lame ending. If the film wasn't a danger to a person's sanity, I would recommend this just to see the appalling end but the film is bad on such a epic scale that if accidentally viewed, immediately induce vomiting and watch a better alien invasion film like Independence Day.

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