Saturday, March 19, 2011

Mannequin

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Mannequin - 1 out of 5

I watched this movie as a kid when it came out in 1987 but couldn't remember a damn thing from it. I remembered the basic story and that it was about some random dude who discovers a mannequin in the department store he works in can come to life and than some other stuff happens--that was all I remembered. So, recently, when I was reminded of it, I checked it out from my library and decided to watch it for the first time in over two decades.

I now realize why I didn't remember anything from it because my fragile young mind erased the memories of this horrible movie. However, it did make me wonder a few things. For example, could the movie only afford "Nothing is Going to Stop Us Now" by Starship and a single synthesizer beat that is used almost in every scene for its score? Or did people actually think Kim Cattrall was a good actress and she was attractive in the 80's? I'm pretty sure we don't classify her as either now. And finally, how did Andrew McCarthy swindle his way to the leading role in this movie? Did he have nude photos of the producers or something? Actually, I can't even figure out how he gets work. He always reminded me of the friend who tries to hard to be quirky and awkwardly cool to the point he's just annoying and comes off fake. Which pretty much sums up his performance in this film.

I guess what I'm basically getting at is this film is lame. Extra lame with a heaping helping of lame sauce dripped all over it. Basically the film was just an excuse to provide endless montages of Kim and Andrew dancing and playing dress up. The only real joy this film can deliver is in the form of the character Hollywood (played by Meshach Taylor) and even this character doesn't provide much. Normally this would be the point in the review that other critics would put something they think is witty like 'Mannequin delivers just like the noun it is titled after: stiff and non-moving.' But I'm not like other critics--hell, I'm not actually a critic. I'm just a regular old dude making a blog where I review the movies I watch, whether they be new or old. But let me say this in closing, I am hoping that I will never forget the wretchedness that is this film so that in 20 more years, I don't come back to it to see if it was any good.

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