Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Collector

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Collector - 1 out of 5

I'm not a fan of gore porn. It's not that I have a weak stomach and can't deal with the blood and guts but rather because 99% of them have terrible acting and weak stories that only exist to string together the scenes of death and destruction. Occasionally, there are a few I enjoy. For example, the Saw series is a guilty pleasure of mine. The first one was solid and most of the sequels are pure, uncut crap but Jigsaw is an enjoyable character and they're so damn over the top that they are fun to watch. So, you think that I would have found a minor amount of joy watching a film that was written by some of the dudes who wrote the sequels to that franchise. However, after watching this movie, I want to erase my memory because the experience was pure torture.

Here's the synopsis: A cat burglar (played by Josh Stewart) decides to rob a family he's doing some work for in order to pay off the debts his girlfriend has with a loan shark but when he arrives at the house, he finds the family held captive by a random dude called The Collector who has set up traps around the house. First off, WTF?!? The guys who wrote Saw sequels are doing a movie with traps?!? Come on, guys, write outside your safe-zone and do something original. But the WTF's don't stop there because the question has to be asked: Why the fuck did The Collector litter the house with traps when he already had the entire family captive? But this question just opens more questions like when the hell did this guy have the time to set up these traps because they are ridiculously complicated and intricate? If the movie is to be believed, The Collector would have only had a window of 3 to 4 hours to put all these traps together and there are a lot of fucking traps. And the character of The Collector itself is a giant mystery. For example, he wears a mask. WHY? It's clear from the film he's going to kill this family so them knowing his identity isn't that important. However, there is the chance one could get away but The Collector wears this elaborate (most likely custom made) leather mask that fits perfectly to his face. Why would he spend all that money to make this mask when he could have easily gone to Wal-mart and bought a cheap ski mask? The film further asks you to push the envelope of disbelief as The Collector can take some asskicking that is capable of killing others without taking a scratch. But, then again, that is something ALL horror films ask us to ignore.

And I don't know if you caught it but nowhere do I mention the existence of a protagonist in this film. In fact, this movie gives us a whole host of victims and two antagonists. The only difference between the two antagonists is the filmmakers want us to like the cat burglar one more than The Collector. However, when you cast a poor man's Ed Norton who looks like he's suffering from some debilitating disease or possible drug addiction, it's hard to cheer him on to victory. Even the trouble the character's girlfriend and the threat of him not seeing his child again isn't enough to make me care about this dude.

In the end, this movie is a complete waste of time and never should have been made. The fact that a sequel will be coming out this year makes me weep as, despite the fact it didn't make ANY money at the box office, we are going to see a franchise to, quite possibly, the weakest horror film character to EVER EXIST.

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