Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead – 0 out of 5
I’m not entirely sure how I came across this film. I’m a big fan of bad, low budget films and I read A TON of articles that feature some of the best our reality has to offer so it is very possible that I found this one from one of those and then added it to my list of movies to watch. Regardless of how I found out about the existence of a Japanese zombie film called Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead, I decided to kick it to the top of my list and watch it since we are officially in October. I’ll be honest; I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing this one. Actually, I’m starting to wonder why I subject myself to these bad movies because when they’re fun to watch (like something on MST3K or RiffTrax) they’re great but when they’re just bad, it’s almost a test of strength to try and endure.
|This is just a taste of the insanity this film has.|
Alright, so the story is a bit strange and the plot is a complete mess but this is what I was able to get from the film…it’s about a group of young adults; Megumi the student (Arisa Nakamura), Aya (May Sugano)—which Wikipedia describes as “the smart one,” the drug addict boyfriend of Aya; Také (Kentaro Kishi), the aspiring model Maki (Asana Mamoru) and the nerdy kid named Naoi (who is only credited as Danny). This group heads out into the woods for, apparently, the sole reason of catching a trout with a tapeworm so that Maki can eat the parasite and get skinny in order to help her modelling career (yeah, you read that right). Well, she eats a parasite of some kind and it starts to go to town on her digestive tract and makes her…*sigh*…fart a lot and have to go Number 2. Suddenly, they discover that she is inhabited by a parasite that makes shit zombies. It seems that these farting shit zombies have something to do with a mysterious scientist who is using their existence to somehow help his sick daughter. Let’s face it; nothing in this film makes sense. Anyway, now our hero Megumi must fight to survive and stop the evil butt-obsessed zombies.
|It's like she's describing the actual release of the film. That's pretty meta.|
I don’t sit down with a movie entitled Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead and expect greatness. I harbor no illusions that I’ll find a complex and engaging story, awe-inspiring acting or realistic special effects. I know I’m going to see schlock and silliness and, since this is a Japanese film and they do weird better than anyone else, I’m expecting a heaping load of the odd. In the past, I’ve watched some very strange but endless entertaining in their own right zombie films from Japan; this one, however, wasn’t unique or amusing but rather just disgusting and a horrible chore to sit through.
|Ha ha. Classic subtlety from Danny.|
I can forgive the overacting in this film because you can’t have subtle or deep performances from a film that is literally built on farts and poop but the more impossible thing to overlook and accept is how terribly constructed the story is, the choppy editing and, most importantly, just how utterly disgusting this film is on every level.
|This is why aliens won't make contact.|
|I have no words for this. None.|
I’m no prude because I do often find toilet humor and farts to be funny but including them for no other sake than just because they exist isn’t really a joke. Just including a fart doesn’t constitute humor but this film seems to think it does. Finally, the level of decency this film lacks becomes even more apparent when you have to sit through a scene where Maki’s butt and breasts are being groped by one of the shit zombies (and that scene goes way, way, WAY too long—to the point it just gets super uncomfortable to watch) and the fact that this film has to include a play on the anime tentacle rape trope. To put it simply, this movie is really sexist and, even though it tries to hide this fact by making the hero a woman, you can’t escape just how loathsome this movie appears. This movie just feels like it was made for the guys who buy the used panties from the vending machines in Japan.
|When this happened, I literally started to wonder if I died and went to hell.|
Basically, from beginning to end, Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead is a haphazardly thrown together film that feels like it exists solely to fulfill some sick fantasies of people with the mentality of a middle-school grade boy. With its piss poor construction of its narrative, characters who are barely developed beyond a one sentence description and some moments that can’t even be described as poor taste humor (because that’s a dig at all the taboo humor out there that is actually funny) this film ended up being a huge waste of time for me and to such a degree that it was nearly impossible to sit through and that coming up with riffs and jokes in order to make the time go by felt almost exhausting.