Jupiter Ascending – 2 out of 5
The Wachowskis came onto the scene strong with The Matrix. The film came out to very little press and went on to become a huge staple in our pop culture. The film was unlike anything that has been seen and was filled with slick set pieces, unique action, and a story that was wickedly creative. Since then, the siblings haven’t been able to recreate that same magic. There are elements I enjoyed about the two sequels to The Matrix but, for the most part, they are universally loathed by fans. I thought Cloud Atlas was pretty ambitious and cool but it wasn’t anything as near as epic as Keanu Reeves learning Kung Fu by having it downloaded to his brain. When I saw the trailer for Jupiter Ascending my first thought was the film looks way too busy and I had my doubts if I could take Channing Tatum—an actor I’ve become a big fan of—seriously with Spock ears. In the end, I was wrong—completely wrong because I couldn't take anything about this film seriously and I started to honestly wonder if the Wachowskis were making a film that was parodying the Sci-fi genre.
|Those aren't CG. Tatum is just a real life angel...as if we didn't already know that.|
Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) lives a boring and hard life on Earth and, after coming in contact with some alien life, learns that her place in the cosmos is far more important than her job as a cleaning lady would have her think. Far off in the stars, a royal family loses its matriarch and the siblings; Balem Abrasax (Eddie Redmayne), Titus Abrasax (Douglas Booth) and Kalique Abrasax (Tuppence Middleton), fight for control of their family's wealth and the rest of their inheritance—which includes the ownership of Earth. However, Jupiter is genetically identical to the Abrasax mother and that makes her the rightful owner of the planet and that means the siblings will do whatever it takes to get it away from her. Titus plans on marrying her (and the fact that she is genetically identical to his mom makes that really weird), Balem wants to see her dead and Kalique seems to just be around for exposition purposes. Titus sends a former soldier that is a half dog/half man thing named Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) to collect her (don’t worry, it’s all a part of his plan). Now Jupiter realizes that she is part of something much larger and must decide if she will stand up and face her destiny or stand down and watch her world be destroyed.
|It needs to be noted that at some point both Andy and Lana Wachowski said, "Yes, he'll|
be a half dog/half human thing with elf ears." And it sounded totally reasonable to them.
|Sometimes less is more...or just overload everything to |
the point everything looks ridiculous.
|It wouldn't surprise me if Gilliam looked like this all the time actually.|
|You knew the product was doomed when it was decided|
to NOT kill off Sean Bean's character. You opened
your own Pandora's box but not following that
|Um...So this happened.|
|Just making it look cool isn't enough sometimes.|
|Wut? An elephant alien? Okay, the Wachowskis are clearly messing with us now.|