Blended – 1 out of 5
I will never understand why Adam Sandler’s movies make so much money. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched anything by him that didn’t make me hate the world and the unforgiving God that would allow such films released onto an innocent populace and the critical response to each and every passing film he releases every year seems to grow worse and worse. However, he makes bank at the Box Office due to a possible deal he made with a crossroads demon so they keep being made…it’s only a matter of time before the demon comes to collect, though. Until then, we have to deal with another Sandler film.
|I've come to fear this man.|
|Ha! Adam Sandler doesn't understand girls so his daughter has|
a boy's hair cut and is mistaken for a man. That's hilarious and
I am, I totes swear, in no way being sarcastic.
|Did you think I was fucking around about the dance sequence?|
|Ha! She drank a cup of French onion soup because the buffalo shrimp was too|
spicy! That's comedy and I am in no way being sarcastic a second time.
|Ha! They both drive the same white mini-van. It has|
to be love now! Still not sarcasm.
|Rob Moran was granted an escape from his appearances in Farrelly Brothers movies|
to have a small part in this film with his Steve Buscemi/Christopher Walken hybrid friend.
One thing that surprised me about Blended was the fact that Adam Sandler was actually kinda easy to deal with. He was very subdued and wasn’t trying to act like a doofus in an effort for a desperate laugh…that honor actually went to Drew Barrymore. Barrymore was unbelievably unbearable in Blended and looked like she had no idea what she was doing. Her over-the-top mannerisms, inability to even make laughing look natural, and the odd eye and head movements she did made me wonder if Barrymore wasn’t abducted by aliens before she went to set and one of the beings from beyond the moon put on a Barrymore suit and tried their hand at imitating a human actress. Her performance was so cheesy and groan-inducing that I wondered why the director said, “Good. That take is a keeper.”
|"Laugh Laugh Laugh. I am laughing and I'm not forgetting how humans|
Even more surprising in this film was the fact there were a few (granted, two or three) moments that I actually laughed. Sure, they weren’t hearty gut laughs and were barely chuckles but even the slightest sounds of “Ha Ha’s” coming from my lips during an Adam Sandler film are almost miraculous. Remember those callback gags I mentioned? Yeah, some of them weres kinda funny but one had me every time it came up. Terry Crews has a small part in the film where he plays a singer that works at the resort and will occasionally show up with a group of backup singers to provide a musical punchline to certain scenes. Crews and his natural goofiness shines through and actually brought a lighter moment to a film that is drowning in mediocre comedy.
|Crews...often way too good for the project he is in.|
Even with the scenes that made me giggle with Crews, Blended is still a pretty abysmal film. I mentioned how bad Barrymore is but she isn’t helped by the kid performers who all come off as either unconvincing or unable to find what exactly is funny in a scene, Kevin Nealon pretty much reprises his role from Happy Gilmore but somehow making it less memorable and more annoying, and Shaquille O’Neal is around and being completely needless in a few scenes that could have easily been left on the cutting room floor.As far as Adam Sandler movies go, Blended isn’t as bad as it could have been. The premise is pretty stupid but it’s not That’s My Boy-stupid. The acting is horrible but it didn’t look like all those scenes in Grown Ups where a cast of real life friends can’t even make their friendship look authentic, and the comedy is pretty bland—but it has a couple of amusing moments. The reality is this film could have been a lot worse. It’s still wasn’t watchable or even remotely entertaining for me but at least it isn’t a Jack and Jill sequel.
|I dunno...maybe losing Shaq and adding more Crews might have saved the film.|