Saturday, November 29, 2014

Blended

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Is it normal to cry a little when you are trying to work up the strength to watch an Adam Sandler film?




Blended – 1 out of 5


I will never understand why Adam Sandler’s movies make so much money.  It’s been a long time since I’ve watched anything by him that didn’t make me hate the world and the unforgiving God that would allow such films released onto an innocent populace and the critical response to each and every passing film he releases every year seems to grow worse and worse.  However, he makes bank at the Box Office due to a possible deal he made with a crossroads demon so they keep being made…it’s only a matter of time before the demon comes to collect, though.  Until then, we have to deal with another Sandler film.

I've come to fear this man.
Ha!  Adam Sandler doesn't understand girls so his daughter has
a boy's hair cut and is mistaken for a man.  That's hilarious and
I am, I totes swear, in no way being sarcastic.
Jim (Adam Sandler) had an unsuccessful blind date with Lauren (Drew Barrymore) but fate isn’t ready to close the book on these two yet!  In a premise that can only be found in the world of parody or a really bad 70s sitcom, Lauren and Jim end up taking a prepaid vacation to Africa with their children.  Wacky hijinks ensue as Jim tries to man-up Lauren’s sons and Lauren tries to feminize Jim’s daughters.  And, wouldn’t you know it, their initial animosity towards each other melts away and they soon find themselves falling for one another!  Cue the pop music and dance sequence!
Did you think I was fucking around about the dance sequence?
I’ve been pretty hard on Adam Sandler and his movies as of late.  Stuff like Grown Ups and its sequel, Jack and Jill, That’s My Boy, and I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry I just found to be awful and very hard to digest (I’m not even sure they can actually even fit the definition of comedy).  However, there was a time I found the guy very funny.  His days on SNL were great and I love such films as Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore.  I really like The Wedding Singer and Big Daddy has its moments that made it alright.  Little Nicky is probably the start of his downfall from comedy but it was decent.  I also really enjoyed him in the animated Hotel Transylvania and he was great in the drama Reign Over Me.  However, it seems that he just no longer cares and is out to pump the world full of poorly thought out and generic comedies…

Yes, we remember Big Daddy, too, Blended.
But maybe…

This scene was integral to the story and is, in no way, a lame joke.
A part of me thinks this is one elaborate plan from Adam Sandler and he is making all the people who pay the money that blows up the Box Office with his stinker films look like fools.  I’ve never met another human being who said, “Yes, Grown Ups was hilarious and I will gladly pay to see the awkward sequel filled with what looks like deleted scenes clumsily edited together into a film” but they are out there and I now truly, honestly believe Adam Sandler is making fun of them by producing, starring, and releasing ever increasingly shitty films.  Meanwhile, he’s laughing all the way to the bank because people are paying money to watch him half-ass a comedy.  Or, he just doesn’t honestly give a fuck and is making crappy films for no reason whatsoever other than there is a mysterious market for them.

Ha!  She drank a cup of French onion soup because the buffalo shrimp was too
spicy!  That's comedy and I am in no way being sarcastic a second time.
Ha!  They both drive the same white mini-van.  It has
to be love now!  Still not sarcasm.
Compared to the last few films Sandler has been in, Blended isn’t really that bad—that’s not me saying it’s good, that’s just me saying it’s a little easier to watch than Jack and Jill or a Grown Ups film.  The film is still painfully unfunny and almost every scene ends with a hack punchline but at least Sandler isn’t in a wig being a woman and doing a stupid voice.  Additionally, the film is basically a collection of repeat gags done the entire running length of the film.  Callbacks are not necessarily a bad thing but the gags are barely funny to begin with so the repeats do little to improve the laugh count.  Finally, the film suffers greatly from an overly weak premise.  In all honesty, the film felt like a failed pilot to a remake of The Brady Bunch with the only real distinction being they decided to eliminate one of the Brady boys.  I'm assuming this would be explained by a Hunger Games-esque battle between the children.

Rob Moran was granted an escape from his appearances in Farrelly Brothers movies
to have a small part in this film with his Steve Buscemi/Christopher Walken hybrid friend.
One thing that surprised me about Blended was the fact that Adam Sandler was actually kinda easy to deal with.  He was very subdued and wasn’t trying to act like a doofus in an effort for a desperate laugh…that honor actually went to Drew Barrymore.  Barrymore was unbelievably unbearable in Blended and looked like she had no idea what she was doing.  Her over-the-top mannerisms, inability to even make laughing look natural, and the odd eye and head movements she did made me wonder if Barrymore wasn’t abducted by aliens before she went to set and one of the beings from beyond the moon put on a Barrymore suit and tried their hand at imitating a human actress.  Her performance was so cheesy and groan-inducing that I wondered why the director said, “Good.  That take is a keeper.”

"Laugh Laugh Laugh.  I am laughing and I'm not forgetting how humans
behave!"
Even more surprising in this film was the fact there were a few (granted, two or three) moments that I actually laughed.  Sure, they weren’t hearty gut laughs and were barely chuckles but even the slightest sounds of “Ha Ha’s” coming from my lips during an Adam Sandler film are almost miraculous.  Remember those callback gags I mentioned?  Yeah, some of them weres kinda funny but one had me every time it came up.  Terry Crews has a small part in the film where he plays a singer that works at the resort and will occasionally show up with a group of backup singers to provide a musical punchline to certain scenes.  Crews and his natural goofiness shines through and actually brought a lighter moment to a film that is drowning in mediocre comedy.

Crews...often way too good for the project he is in.
Even with the scenes that made me giggle with Crews, Blended is still a pretty abysmal film.  I mentioned how bad Barrymore is but she isn’t helped by the kid performers who all come off as either unconvincing or unable to find what exactly is funny in a scene, Kevin Nealon pretty much reprises his role from Happy Gilmore but somehow making it less memorable and more annoying, and Shaquille O’Neal is around and being completely needless in a few scenes that could have easily been left on the cutting room floor.

I dunno...maybe losing Shaq and adding more Crews might have saved the film.
As far as Adam Sandler movies go, Blended isn’t as bad as it could have been.  The premise is pretty stupid but it’s not That’s My Boy-stupid.  The acting is horrible but it didn’t look like all those scenes in Grown Ups where a cast of real life friends can’t even make their friendship look authentic, and the comedy is pretty bland—but it has a couple of amusing moments.  The reality is this film could have been a lot worse.  It’s still wasn’t watchable or even remotely entertaining for me but at least it isn’t a Jack and Jill sequel.

9 comments:

  1. I take it you're not a Drew Barrymore fan? I really like her.

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    Replies
    1. I wouldn't say I don't like her. There are movies I really enjoy her in but this was definitely NOT one of them.

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    2. You should see her in the HBO version of Grey Gardens. She was fucking incredible. You'd have to see the original documentary from 1975 to really get the ides of the movie.

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    3. I've seen it! Loved both the documentary and the film version! She was very good in it.

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    4. Can you try and do reviews of both?

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    5. I kinda phased out reviewing on documentaries because they are so subjective and it's hard to separate reviewing the actual film and not the subject material but I can try and see about reviewing the film version.

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  2. In all honesty I pick Drew over Jennifer Aniston in terms of acting and looks.

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  3. Also, did you know she voiced Brian's girlfriend Jillian on Family Guy?

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  4. Saw this the other day on TBS. Oh Drew... Drew, Drew, Drew my dear. What are you doing in this abomination and why have you agreed to be put in such an awful light?

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