Saturday, August 2, 2014

Sharknado 2: The Second One

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Look out for the next one...Sharknado 3:  Beating a Dead Horse.

Sharknado 2: The Second One – 1 out of 5

                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Yep, Fin is riding a shark in the sharknado.  That is just a taste
of Sharknado 2:  The Second One.
After the spectacle that the first one accidentally ended up becoming, it’s no surprise that The Asylum and SyFy fell all over themselves to make a sequel to the hilariously shitty Sharknado. Sure, everyone involved in the making of it (with the exception of Ian Ziering—he clearly acted as if it was his come back role) had no idea the film would be a lightning strike with record views and celebrities of all sort clamoring to Twitter to live tweet and make fun of the experience. Clearly, that was the intention for this return and the producers really wanted to once again recapture that magic…but, in doing so, ended up making something that was too self-aware and completely missed the entire reason the first film was accidentally hilarious to begin with.

                                                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Surely, they didn't add a role for him...

                                                                                                The Asylum/SyFy
Mark McGrath's suburban dad sweater makes the entire
Does it really freakin’ matter what this film is about? It once again has tornadoes that contain sharks…which, after the events of the first film, are quickly becoming a naturally and numerous occurring phenomenon (Thanks, Obama!). So, anyway, our hero, and man who clearly can’t find sexual arousal without spilling shark blood; Fin (Ian Ziering), is on his way to New York when he once again finds himself faced with sharknado issues—which only seem to occur when he’s around (run with that one, Conspiracy Theorists!). Now he must unite the entire city of Manhattan (or, at the very least, the paid extras—the casual motorists and people who clearly have no idea a movie is being shot that supply the background don’t count) and, together, they will kill every living shark to come out of that tornado like they have anger issues and the sharks just called them “gay” and suggested they just had sexual relations with their mothers on X-Box Live. 

                                                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
"Let's get those sharks, they said we were 'totes gay!'"

                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Shit is getting serious.  Whale sharks are being picked up
but human beings who weight under 200 lbs are not!
The first film was a fun experience because it was a silly premise clearly created and written during a single trip to the bathroom. When you add in the fact that The Asylum doesn’t care about quality in things like camera work, effects, acting, lighting, and editing, you had yourself a recipe for a film that didn’t disappoint. The problem with most films from The Asylum, however, is that are meant to be shit and the producers involved aren’t trying to make a good film that just got fucked up along the way due to a lack of talent and planning by those involved—those are the best hilarious bad movies. Ones that don’t give a fuck are not fun to watch because you can literally feel the apathy oozing off the DVD. It was clear that few involved in Sharknado really thought they were making something brilliant but, since the film was still an incoherent mess, it was still fun to watch and make fun of (even though you could easily laugh without mocking the thing—it was just that poorly made). However, this one was meant to be a spectacle and cash in on the reception of the first one and that ends up killing it.

                                                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Also destroying the film, the fact they made up a store called "Yolo 'B' Us."

Just churning out a piece of shit shark film was the goal in the first movie but, this time around, the goal seems to be to cram in as many C-list celebrities and has beens as they can. It starts to become ridiculous and annoying as the film is less about being a crappy shark film and more about which star who is quickly losing relevance is suddenly going to show up. Kurt Angle, Pepa, Judah Friedlander, Perez Hilton, Robert Klein, Richard Kind, Matt Lauer, Biz Markie, Kelly Ripa, Michael Strahan, Al Roker, Downtown Julie Brown, Andy Dick, Judd Hirsch, Kelly Osbourne—that’s just naming a few morning television hosts, 15-minuters, and stars of VH1’s I Love Whatever Decade They Are Doing Now who just show up and add nothing but a reaction from the viewer that will range from “Wait, they’re still alive?,” or a sad laugh. Shit, Will Wheaton takes time out of his schedule from looking very uncomfortable in front of the cameras of his new show to die by sharks and Billy Ray Cyrus plays a doctor and confirms that his career is far more embarrassing than his daughter’s.

                                                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
I will take the twerking of his daughter over seeing him do anything any day.

                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Look, the movie is literally trying to jump itself.
It’s very clear the budget was greatly increased and will probably be the most expensive film from The Asylum ever produced (they spent at least a grand on this and that’s big money for The Asylum). However, the money only shows in the fact they were able to hand out free Subway coupons and a chance to get a picture with Jared in order to get Perez Hilton to play a slightly annoyed subway passenger (their endorsement deal with Subway was not unnoticed or maybe New York just has a Subway every 5 feet) and, with this money, they were able to make the special effects at the beginning look light-years ahead of the first one. However, after the opening moments, the effects take a significant drop—to the point they don’t even bother to animate the sharknado…that, or sharknadoes (sharknadi?) can only be seen from a distance and at great heights but are completely impossible to see, or even feel the effects from, when you are right up in that sharknado’s ass.

                                                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Sharknadi can only be seen from afar because effects up close cost too much.

                                                                                                The Asylum/SyFy
So...I guess Kari Wuhrer is in the new Golden Girls reboot?
At the very least, this time around the writer (Thunder Levin—insecurity can only explain why someone would choose this pen name) actually put some effort into the script (it must have been a longer shit than he was used to—he wrote it on the toilet, is what I’m saying). Even though the characters are still one-dimensional and no mention is made of Fin’s son or the waitress who loved him but changed her mind at the end and decided to fall for his son are never mentioned and are not around or even how Fin knows how to fly a giant passenger plane (which he does at the beginning of the film)—and sure, Thunder struggles with working these characters into actual relatable people and finding some emotional balance in them and how to create drama without them just running away from raining sharks but, dammit, he is clearly trying as he is hell bent on having Fin well up with past trauma ever chance he gets. Sure, he has sharks to fight but he needs to get it out about how hard his life was as a professional surfer and how he is committed to April (Tara Reid) and can’t let old feelings for Skye (Vivica A. Fox) get in the way.

                                                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Fox is either inspired by Skrillex with her hair or she is just balding.

Just like the last film, Ian Ziering is giving his all to the character Fin and looks like he really believes he is up for an Academy Award and I won’t fault him for that. He’s giving a 110% and that’s a great attitude to have. Too bad it didn’t rub off on Tara Reid—but, bless her heart, she gave a full minute of trying to act and it clearly exhausted her.

                                                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Awww...look at Reid try.

                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
I wasn't joking earlier.  Kurt Angle was really in this film.
While it was still kinda fun to sit through, Sharknado 2: The Second One was still too much of a self-referencing, nudge-nudge-wink-wink event that was going out of its way to be ridiculous and that hurts the overall fun. When a movie is trying to be shit, it’s not enjoyable and when the movie spends more time seeing how many celebrities that only reality shows, talk shows and VH1 actually care about anymore and thrown in sharks almost as an afterthought, it made the movie feel longer than it should and made the entire joke that it is start to wear thin before the 2nd hour started.

                                                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy
Man, the amount of botox in this shot alone...

                                                                                                 The Asylum/SyFy the hotel is evacuated and they leave the front desk
clerk to stay?
Yes, the film is still laughably bad as the editing is atrocious, the effects get worse as the film progresses, and the acting is often wooden and looks about as good as a fan-made film on YouTube would appear. So, in that respect, the film is watchable and you can easily laugh your whole way through but I can’t help but feel that The Asylum is pushing their luck as the joke has clearly run its course. A third film would probably be a disastrous and a very sad idea because I don’t want to see what other C-List celebrities are willing to forfeit their dignity to be in the film—I’m sure Hal Sparks, someone from Survivor or The Real World, and former WWE wrestler Al Snow have already signed on for the third one.

                                                                                                                                  The Asylum/SyFy
That buzzsaw is connected to Tara Reid's hand.  Besides the obvious fact that, in real life
Reid would have had that embedded in her face before she even turned on the ON switch,
I think Sam Raimi has grounds for a lawsuit.

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