Thursday, March 6, 2014

Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! I can tell you one think I won't wish for...for these movies to be better.  It's the fact they suck which makes them fun to watch!

Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled – 2 out of 5

The Wishmaster franchise might be the shittiest franchise to exist in the world of silly horror films but…god damn, they are fun to watch. Whether it be the terrible writing where the words “I wish” are forcefully placed within the dialogue or the fact that the writers barely understand irony when it concerns the genie killing off characters by twisting the words of their wish or even the craptacular special effects and laughable makeup, this franchise is like hitting all the possible Bingos in a game of laughably bad B-horror movie Bingo. And the fourth, and final, Wishmaster film gets super shit-tastic and in a big way.

Just to add a little context on how no one knew what they were doing in this project:
This woman is being killed by great sex.  I'm not kidding.

Lisa (Tara Spencer-Nairn) and Sam (Jason Thompson) are crazy in love. The movie opens with them running like Tom Cruise in all of his movies towards the home they just purchased and, like anyone else, immediately starts having bed-breaking sex. Cut to a few years later and things aren’t as happy or naked sexy time as they once were as a motorcycle accident has claimed the use of Sam’s legs and he’s become very bitter. Lisa works tirelessly with the lawyer Steve (Battlestar Galactica’s Michael Trucco) in order to receive a settlement from the accident. Sam, pissed about not getting any action and the lack of feeling in his legs, starts to resent Lisa because he believes she is having an affair with Sam—and it’s not a far reach because Sam wants Lisa and wants her bad enough that he gives her a gift that includes the infamous gem that contains the Djinn. Soon, the evil genie is awoken from his slumber by Lisa, decides to kill and take Steven’s form and then he seeks to have Lisa grant her three wishes so that his Djinn brothers can be set free from their purgatory and they can bring hell to the world. The only problem: Lisa’s final wish can’t be fulfilled by anyone BUT Lisa. 

And they never came back to resolve the plot point of whether or not they fixed the bed.

Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled is just an unbelievable mess…and that’s why it’s gold! Don’t let my score fool you, this movie is fun to watch…just not for the reasons the filmmakers and the entire production wanted. Everything about this movie is just hilariously bad. The acting is cheesy, the characters have no consistency, the makeup effects are silly and the dialogue feels like a never ending barrage of jokes that were unintentionally thrown in.

It needs to be noted that no one stopped production on this film, or the previous one,
and said, "Guys, this looks fucking ridiculous."

I’ve said it in every review of the Wishmaster series but the funniest thing about this film is how the writers just literally ram, force and push the phrase “I wish” into the script. The Djinn is constantly leading the characters to make a wish by utter phrases like “Is that your wish?” and “What would you wish me to do?” and other bullshit like that. What’s amazing about this (other than the Djinn is a lazy piece of shit trying to force the wishes) is that nobody talks like that and there is never a point where a character talks about what a nutjob he sounds like. Instead, because they are all clearly brain-dead, they loudly declare their secret desires while making sure it is prefaced with “I wish.” The fantastic way these characters talk is enough to make fun of this franchise and, alone, is enough to make the films watchable like you are Mike or Joel with the robots on the Satellite of Love.

In Sam's defense for his angst and bitterness, he was just angry because his stupid girlfriend stood behind
him and supported him while he was at his lowest.

But the movie doesn’t stop at ridiculously unrealistic dialogue…

"Wait...did we ever fix our bed?"

The movie really does something magical with the characters in this film…and by magical, I mean it looked like the writer would put the script down, go get a cup of coffee while he forgot how his characters were acting and then returned to typing with this new instilled idea of how the characters would act. Lisa jumps back and forth from being hopelessly devoted to Sam to thinking “I’m going to try fucking Steven for awhile” and then back to “Sam is my hero, let’s break another bed.” Sam goes from resenting Lisa to suddenly dying to save her from the evil Djinn…and Stevem goes from being a douche bag lawyer trying to get into the panties of his client’s girlfriend to being an evil genie who is trying to get into the panties of the girl who woke him up and has three wishes to fill.
If he says "I wish," does he have to grant his own wish?  If so, can he wish for
horns that look real?

Never, at any point, are any of these changes concretely explained. Sure, the dialogue may throw in some hints by throwing in a lame line here and there but, for the most part, you see no emotional development in these characters that really showcase why they are making these sudden, bi-polar-like jumps in their development. But, I guess, when your characters will confess their wickedest of wishes to a man they barely know like they are talking about the weather or the latest cheese-based snack they desire to try, I guess you can just expect characters who come off as emotionally unbalanced and prone to dramatic changes in attitude.

Granted, the explanation for Steven's change is that he was killed and the Djinn is
just impersonating him...

Seriously, I'm 90% sure Trucco was just fucking around
the entire time he was on set.
Acting prowess will never be a phrase that will be associated with this franchise (unless someone is saying what I just said than those two words can be associated with it). Are the actors awful in The Prophecy Fulfilled? No. Are they hammy as all fuck? Hell yeah! Jason Thompson looks forlorn as shit as Sam. It’s like he’s trying to win an Oscar by ramping it up to 11 (and then some) and looking like he’s seconds away from writing Emo poetry. I really liked Michael Trucco in Battlestar Galactica but he looks like he is just goofing around in this film. It’s like he was cast and he walked in with the attitude of “fuck all” and is just seeing how far he can push his William Shatner as a genie bit before the director cuts that shit out. And then you have Tara Spencer-Narin as Lisa and making herself look like she is giving her all for what she thinks is her breakout role. Hell, she clearly is ready to do anything for the director of this film as she gets naked twice before the film even hits its 20 minute mark. So, the actors aren’t at all terrible but their hammy acting sure makes the film fun to watch.

"You want me to get naked again?  Well, if it helps the film..."

Finally, the plot in this film is an unbridled mess and I’m thankful as hell it is. It’s not like the other films were groundbreaking when it concerned telling their stories but they seemed to make sense. This one however feels like it suddenly jumps to a partially produced sub-sequel that takes place in-between the third film and this one before returning to the intended film. Suddenly, a character that is called the Hunter (whose job involves hunting and killing the Djinn, the name makes sense is what I’m tellin’ ya) jumps into the story and is ready to remove genie heads from their genie bodies. However, as quickly as he arrives, he is dispatched by the Djinn and the movie moves forward like he never existed in the story. Then, to stick with the theme of erratic character behavior, the Hunter honestly doesn’t care who he is killing as, within moments of him arriving in the reality that is Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled, he kills a completely innocent person. There was no rhyme or reason to it. The person was just a very helpless and an extremely nonthreatening cashier at Lisa’s lingerie shop who’s only crime was asking the man what he wanted and, in her concern that a giant man with a sword is wandering around and fingering the bras, calls the cops and then sees her head sliced off for her troubles. It was like the director said, “Fuck it, I don’t know and who cares” when someone asked him if the Hunter is a good guy or a bad guy.

"This is for having concern for your well-being and the place you are employed!"

Also this happens…

I could watch that throw on repeat and it wouldn’t stop being funny for at least 30 minutes.

Okay, we can totally see the crew member's arm on the left side of the picture.

Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled is a steaming pile of shit…but it’s fun to watch. Nothing about this film comes together to make something that was worth the time and effort or comes off as legitimately entertaining but what was created is one of those great accidental comedies that so many B-horror films are known for.  I wish they would make another just as bad as this!!!  Eh?  Eh?  I said "I wish."

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