Monday, January 28, 2013

Seven Psychopaths

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!




Seven Psychopaths – 5 out of 5



When I first saw this trailer I said, “That looks awesome.” I saw Walken, Ferrell, Harrelson, my favorite character actor Zeljko Ivanek and Sam Rockwell in it and I said, “Yes, all kinds of yes, I want to see this movie.” And then I saw Tom Waits—my favorite singer/songwriter—and I exploded. After recovering from the explosion I made it my mission to see this film. Sadly I never got to see it in the theaters because I’m grossly poor and I was too busy recovering from being exploded but now that it arrived on DVD, I got to finally sit down and take this one in…and I ended up loving it!
"Why...AM I...in BED?" (read that caption like you're Colin Ferrell doing a
Christopher Walken impression.


Marty (Colin Ferrell) is a screenwriter trying to write a script he titled Seven Psychopaths and is getting help from his friend Billy (Sam Rockwell). Marty soon finds himself in some deep trouble as Billy and his friend Hans (Christopher Walken) kidnaps a criminal’s dog (played by Woody Harrelson—the criminal, not the dog). Even though Marty may end up dying because of a Shih Zu he finds inspiration for his screenplay and meets a true psychopath along the way that carries a rabbit around with him (Tom Waits).

"You wanna know where I kept this money?"

Mickey Rourke was originally going to be in the film...
he still made it in...in a way.
After watching the trailer, I thought the film looked smart, witty and fun but when I found it was written and directed by Martin McDonagh (the writer/director of In Bruges) I said, “I loved In Bruges, this movie should be awesome.” (I talk to myself a lot) However, I ended up feeling the film was even better than In Bruges thanks to a collection of interesting characters and all of them played but extremely talented people.

Crispin Glover even had a cameo...he's right above the guy on the left's head.

That hat also deserves an Academy Award nomination.
The story is strong and the wit and dark jokes placed within the film’s running time are awesome but the film’s true strength lies in the awesome cast. First off, you have Colin Ferrell (who was also in In Bruges) really selling the fact he’s an “in over his head” writer but you also have the man that everyone and their mother likes to impersonate; Christopher Walken (I’m just as guilty of it as I impersonate him in my stand-up), one of my favorite actors who is capable of doing drama and comedy and was completely robbed by not being nominated for Best Actor for Moon; Sam Rockwell, you have the raging vegan who’s fought zombies for a Twinkie and is the only good thing about The Hunger Games; Woody Harrelson and, of course, Tom Waits. His presence alone already makes the film epic! Seeing all these guys interact is just awesome to watch and makes the movie flow easier than the slick editing.

You've come a long way from they days of playing a legally retarded bartender.


I know Walken was in this film but cowbell was the last thing
this movie needed more of...More Waits was needed.  I also
apologize for referencing that now played out SNL skit.
The only real complaint I have about the movie is I would have liked to see more of Tom Waits’ character; Zachariah. His scene is so movie-stealing and his character so interesting that it would have been nice to see more of him and my desire for him to have more screen time in no way has anything to do with the fact I am obsessed with his music and not a single day goes by where I don’t listen to him. I’m being totally fair, balanced and impartial like Fox News here. However, with the really funny and super witty final moments of the film, the light dusting of Waits this film gives you becomes worth it.

I would pay money to hear every actor in this film do
their best Walken impression...you're up, Ivanek.


Seven Psychopaths is just an all-out entertaining movie that tells a great story that builds at a perfect pace and culminates with a great ending, has a fantastic cast and is just plain funny and fun to watch.

The film also inspired the cover to my new album for my hipster acoustic rock band.

[Rec]³: Génesis

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!




[Rec]³: Génesis – 1 out of 5

This third film in the [Rec] franchise needs to be praised for its attempt at abandoning (even parodying) what made the first two films stand out but it’s drastic change of tone and bad comedy (I’m assuming they were going for some dark comedy elements) ends up hurting the film beyond repair and makes a mockery of the last two films.

Pictured:  Mockery...or the lead characters kissing.  One of those two.


Taking place before, after and during the events of the first two films, [Rec]³: Génesis is about Clara (Leticia Dolera) and Koldo (Diego Martín) and their wedding day. The day should be one of happiness and joy for a promising and prosperous future but an uncle who suffered a bite from the dog that came from the apartment complex where the horrors of the first two films takes place becomes one of the infected and the wedding becomes an orgy of violence and death—the least appealing type of orgy in existence. After being separated, Clara and Koldo are now on a mission to find each other and get away safely so they can enjoy their lives together.

Enjoy their lives together and try to solve the mystery of how the hell her neck
holds the weight of her head.


Despite what the opening of the film sequences promises, this sequel abandons the “found footage” element of the movie and goes for the run-of-the-mill style of storytelling and horror filmmaking. At first, this seemed like a good idea as it seemed the filmmakers were opening acknowledging they didn’t want to make “just another sequel” and wanted to keep the series fresh.  This tactic of establishing a "found footage" story only to toss it out comes off as very witty and amusing, however, it’s soon realized that’s maybe this was just a HUGE mistake.

The rare moment when I say "found footage" is actually preferred.


Other than making a “found footage” film look real (a feat not even attempted anymore in America. It’s like all the directors said, “Yeah, The Blair Witch Project did it but why should we even bother?”) ,one of the better aspects of the last two films was how well darkness and light was used to make a truly terrifying experience. This is completely ignored for this film as the overall presentation of the film is too bright to be a horror film. It’s so bright it starts to look like an unintentional comedy.

There's no way that guy is not a keyboardist in a band.


And speaking of unintentionally comedy…

There’s no soundtrack in the last two films. There’s no tension hooks meant to give away scares like in other horror films. Since Génesis isn’t a “found footage” movie it was decided that a soundtrack wouldn’t do any harm to the story…but it did. It did a lot of harm. The music cues are cheesy at best and groan-inducing at worse. The music placed within the audio track to try and convey terror felt like they were taking from a Halloween music CD someone purchases for their DIY haunted houses in their garage to try and scare Trick or Treaters.

Shit, even the zombies were unimpressed with the music selection.


And sticking with the concept of unintentional comedy…

There are times when I couldn’t tell if this movie was a poorly written dark comedy or a genuine sequel to two great works of terror (although the director/writer claims his intentions were an "over-the-top" dark comedy but the end product screams that this wasn't the intention as he forgot to add fitting jokes). Look at this…
LOOK AT IT!!!!


There’s a reason for that picture—albeit not a very convincing or intelligent one but when you add a guy in medieval armor and the fact this movie has just painfully bad acting (a punch in the face after the amazing acting seen in the first and second film) it’s hard to tell if they were trying to make a comedy but didn’t have the money to get decent actors who could sell the satire, were trying to make a horror but hired actors who can’t sell the terror or just said, “Make it look like a Direct-to-DVD release and like we don’t give a fuck; slap this sequel together like we’re in America!”

"So, we don't really have to do anything and they'll call it a horror film?  I'm in."


The overall shift in tone of the series is not just seen in the bad filmmaking as it jumps to a different horror genre, the bad acting and stupid music but it’s also blatantly obvious as the “rules” established of the outbreak in the first two films are thrown out the window and the infected act more like cliché zombies (even though some can seemingly jump incredible heights) rather than the mysterious demons of what was previously created. But this might—hell, most likely does—has to do with the fact that only half of the writing/directing team from the last two films did this film.

Also the film gave us a bad joke of a character that parodied SpongeBob...and it was a crime in of
itself to not make him the film's hero.



Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza were the writers of the last two installments and both men directed the films. This time around, however, Jaume is nowhere to be seen and Paco went about it on his own and crap followed. One must question, considering the evidence, if Paco really wrote or directed anything and if Jaume was the true genius of the duo because when left to his own devices, Paco nearly destroyed the integrity of the series by completely obliterating everything that made the other films unique and then proceeding to pull down his metaphoric pants and taking a steaming metaphoric shit on it all.  In some interviews, Plaza claimed that there was nowhere else they could take the "found footage" aspect but if that was true then why not just simple not make another sequel.  Why taint the achievements you made with a painfully obvious route of "just for the cash" filmmaking?  We have the Paranormal Activity movies for that.

Those aren't zombies but Paranormal Activity fans trying to get the latest sequel
where the demon slams the door again.  They live for that door slamming.


To call [Rec]³ a disappointment is putting it lightly. I really wanted to enjoy this film and, at first, praised it for brazenly going against the grain of the familiar tone of the series and trying to breathe new life. However, after watching the film and seeing it get worse and worse as the story unfolds and realizing that there would be no intelligent ending and that the engaging tales that were told before me would not be returning I finally gave in and accepted that [Rec]³ just plain sucks. It pains me to know a fourth film is going to be made. One can only hope that with Jaume returning to direct this one (without Plaza so we'll see if the only way they can make good movies is together like they are the "found footage" horror film version of Voltron) that it might bring this series back to what it was and not go back to being a phoned-in horror movie that looks just like all the other crappy horror films that are produced here in America. 

[Rec]²

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!






[Rec]² – 4 out of 5

The story of death and unholy monsters in [Rec] was just the beginning, the tip of the metaphoric and pants-shittingly frightening iceberg. 

This series sure likes people standing at the end of halls.


After the final moments of [Rec] occur, a SWAT team and a mysterious man put in charge of their mission are sent in to see the extent of the damage—with one request from the mysterious man: Document everything. The group is on a mission to stop the evils that befell the apartment complex in the previous story but, like last time, there’s more going on then they are prepared for.

"Everyone ready?  Did you get your mandated 40 hours of Call of Duty training in?"

"If you play this backwards, it plays Nickelback...
the greatest evil to ever exist."
If you read my review of [Rec] you’ll remember I stated the film was just amazing. The acting felt disturbingly real and the story was not only scary as hell but engaging as the seemingly generic zombie tale was much deeper than what the surface showed you—something that was abandoned for the American remake. This sequel continues the standard set forth in the first film and expands the story and brings more depth to the big reveal that occurred in the previous one. Like the last one, this movie is pretty damn creepy and the acting is just incredible. However, this one has a few flaws but, as you can see from my score, aren’t enough to have any real damage.

Evil children...horror film staple...

Okay, two of them are too much and enough to make me never want to be a dad.



One of the coolest aspects of the first film was the fact the footage seen before you looked real but also wasn’t too crazy on the shaking of the camera. Unlike some “found footage” films you were able to see what the hell was going on and they didn’t fall for the “just shake the camera and maybe people won’t notice how shitty the film is” like some have done on some movies like, I don’t know, The Devil Inside. This sequel continues that but, at times, it gets a little silly as the SWAT team member in charge of the camera is out to make some dynamic shots that, while looking good, kinda takes away from the reality of the film. Or maybe this SWAT guy goes to night school to be a director? I don’t know.
"Cut, can we do this again, I'm just not feeling it?"


I think that priest's face is about to scowl off his skull
and run away.
The film’s story also hurts slightly due to the presence of too many characters—actually, I should say there was the potential for the story to hurt by the fact there’s a lot of characters. In fact, the film does a great job of weaving two separate stories together to one united story that ventures to the film’s climax. If this was an American horror film they just would have held on to all these characters and then, in the final moments, say, “Oh shit, we forgot to kill off some of these characters…just kill some in the stupid and most obviously way that we are trying to get rid of them.”

Seriously, I think his face is trying to escape.


While critics didn’t receive this one as well as the previous film, I felt it still contained the spirit of the first story while simultaneously venturing forward expanding on its story and being just different enough that it doesn’t look like the first film done all over again. Even my two complaints aren’t really complaints but just observations of things that could have done the movie in but didn’t. Like the first film, [Rec]² is still very creepy and engaging and 100 times better than even the best horror films put out in the last twenty years in America.

The critics hated this despite this being in the film?!?  There is no God!

[Rec]

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!




[Rec] – 4 out of 5

Did you ever see that 2008 “found footage” film called Quarantine with Dexter’s sister? If you haven’t, you’re lucky but if you have and are like me you remember that the film sucked on a level that broke new ground for a horror genre that is built upon sucking. The film was messy, poorly acted and the big pay off is that the zombie-like frenzy occurring in the film is the product of a disease resembling rabies—Resembling? Okay, basically these people just have a mutant strain of rabies. Things only get worse when you remember the film is remembered for giving away its ending in both the poster and in the trailer. What you may not know (I’ll admit, I didn’t know until recently because after watching Quarantine I did everything I could to forget that awful movie) was the film was an American remake of a Spanish film called [Rec] made only a year early. Here’s the kicker…[Rec] is better. I know, I know, the concept of an American remake being worse than a foreign original is completely unheard of (please read the sarcasm in that).

"Hi, welcome to tonight's program.  I sure hope America doesn't take this and suck
out all that is good and entertaining and replace me with a shitty actress who thinks
talking out of the side of her mouth constitutes acting...now on to the weather..."


The story to [Rec] is nearly identical to the remake that was done here in the states with one crucial detail that was removed because American audiences are stupid (that’s why “found footage” films do so well despite the glaring fact that they are poorly acted and contain no story or plot) and the twist at the end of the original would have probably made reality TV show fans who saw it collapse into themselves like a dying star. 

And on that day Paris Hilton realized her dream...



"You want a copy of my band's demo tape?"
The story goes that Ángela Vidal (Manuela Velasco) is a young television reporter on a late night magazine-style television show and she’s filming a piece about the night shift at a firehouse. They end up getting a call about disturbance at an apartment and are unprepared for what they find. An infection of some kind is running rampant through the building and the survivors suddenly find themselves locked in by the CDC. Ángela, the firemen and the surviving residents are now forced to figure out a way of getting out before they become potential residents for body bags. And then they learn the horrible truth about the infection spreading through the people and the true terror begins…

This dark shot and the beast hidden within is the scarier than all of American's
horror films in the last 20 years.

The copious amounts of cocaine helped this man deal
with the horrors befalling the apartment building.
Eh? Like that ominous tone I gave there at the end of the synopsis? In truth, this Spanish original deserves it. Watching Quarantine you would have no idea how truly scary the property could be—shocking considering the film was nearly a shot-for-shot remake of [Rec] except instead of a compelling ending that throws all that you’ve seen in the film for a loop they replace it with an annoying performance from Jennifer Carpenter. [Rec] really delivers on the horror department that its American remake couldn’t accomplish due to amazingly awful acting. The cast in this original version all come off frighteningly realistic and it really pulled me into the film and, because of that, made it do something that 100% of all American “found footage” horror films can’t do: Look real.

And nothing is more real than that Casanova's mustache!


The fact that the film also has a more intelligent ending beyond the lazy “it’s a virus” explanation also makes this film better beyond what the States created in the remake. This ending gives the film an edge and makes it smarter than the “just slap an ending on it.” When all the terror and carnage comes together at the end and you learn the truth of the situation you go “ohhhhh” and then the scariest damn part of the movie begins. The film rewards you for engaging with it and trying to figure out what’s going on with the characters and doesn’t just give you the explanation half-way through the movie and then decides to show you the ending you already saw in the trailer and again on the poster when you saw it at the theater.

This looks familiar...yet it was still somehow better than the American version's
ending that came out a year later.

Shadowy figure standing intimidatingly at the far end of the
hall...I see no danger here.
[Rec] feels authentic and took a genre that, by now, is cliché and overly familiar and made a movie that, in 2007, was strikingly original, truly terrifying and all around awesome. The filmmakers could have easily shat out a generic zombie movie or generic “found footage” film and it could have passed for most of what Hollywood does with the horror genre but co-writers and directors Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza took them, melded them and made them smart—not just a collection of “hey, let’s make the audience jump and give no real intelligent payoff at the end.” [Rec] is just another example how the only way to get a truly smart, truly unique and truly terrifying horror film is to get one that was made anywhere but America.

Ip Man


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!




Ip Man – 3 out of 5

Bruce Lee was a badass. That’s not conjecture but a world wide fact with evidence to back it up. It’s like evolution; there’s tons of evidence and if you deny it, you’re probably too stupid to understand the facts to begin with. So what about the man who taught Bruce Lee; he must have been basically a god that no man would dream of fucking with. Okay, he wasn’t quite like that but he still was pretty cool…but not a movie star like Lee was.

Nor a crying wimp like this guy.


Ip Man is a biopic and is loosely based on the life of Yip Man, the trainer of Bruce Lee and a grandmaster of the martial art style Wing Chun. The film centers around Ip Man (another way to spell Yip Man—according to Wikipedia and is played by Donnie Yen) in the city of Foshan in the 1930s when the Sino-Japanese War started and Japan invaded China. Man was a well respected martial arts teacher and lived a life of luxury until he was forced from his home and exiled into poverty and trying to earn a living at menial labor. Man discovers that the head General in his area; General Miura (Hiroyuki Ikeuchi), is having martial arts teachers battle his men for scraps of food and, after witnessing the death of another teacher, politely (and politely I mean with a lot of punching and kicking) hands the men their asses. The General becomes obsessed with Ip Man and desires for him to teach his soldiers Chinese martial arts but Man refuses. Eventually, Man is captured by Miura and the two men engage in a battle of honor. 

"'sup, bro!"


Ip Man went on to inspire a nation but, more importantly, created Bruce Lee (who sadly ended up creating Chuck Norris but no man is perfect). However, the film is based on a true story and, in the movie world that means we took some liberties with reality— and by liberties; we mean we straight up made a lot of shit up. Ip Man is no exception as Yip Man was actually a police officer when the Japanese invaded and remained one for awhile after the war started until they eventually grew tired of his wealth and political affiliation and he voluntarily exiled himself to Hong Kong. Finally, the climax of the film—where Ip Man and General Miura battle for honor in an epic showdown of martial arts superiority—yeah, that never actually happened.

"Take that air!"


But I’m not watching this for historical accuracy, I’m watching this to see a man chop punks in the face and possibly some nut-punching in there as well. And this movie gives it to you. The fight choreography is great and very fast pace but with some wire-work, bad sound and some downright silly elements in those fights, it can quickly render some of the best fight scenes into accidental comedy sequences.  Granted the wire-work is at a bare minimum in this film (Ip isn't running on top of trees here) but the very, very, very few instances of it makes the fight that just occurred downright silly.  For example, the teacher who ultimately loses his life gets kicked in the chest and falls to the ground slow enough where he can push himself back to a vertical position with a well-timed punch to the ground.  This becomes even more hysterical when you realize his fall is so slow he has enough time to turn his head around, look at the floor, ponder slowly about his options before he decides that, like all other things in this film, the only solution to get back upright involves punching.

And it involves shooting laser beams out of one's eyes like this girl is attempting to do.



While the fights look great they quickly get bogged down with some amazingly awful sound effects that are not only poorly mixed into the soundtrack but just don’t sound like punches and kicks. The punches actually sound like someone wailing on a snare drum that is about to rip apart and this analogy makes perfect sense when you see the cartoonish rapid-fire, machine gun punches Ip Man breaks out in every fight. While on the surface these barrages of flying fists looks cool, the second or third time you see it just starts to look silly—especially when the sound from their impact sounds like Neil Peart wailing away on his gigantic drum set that contains, according to legend, at least 500 cymbals.

A punch didn't cause this...Peart's epic drum skills did.


Then there’s the poor mixing of the drum/punch sound-effects. This may sound incredibly nit-picky but it seems the sound editor hates speakers or owns stock in a speaker company and is out to destroy your television’s speakers and/or your surround sound system. The dialogue is very quiet and then a fight scene occurs and the punches quickly turn up to “fuck yo speakers” level and all you hear is the speakers popping from the poor balance. And it’s not like I was watching a shitty DVD rip from a torrent site (that would be illegal and I’m appalled that you would think I would do that) but a actually DVD from Netflix (I’m still waiting for my money from all the name dropping I do for you, Netflix). I realize this is an insanely specific critique of the film but no DVD, while watching at a level where you can actually hear the actors speak, should cause your television to blow up because of bad sound effects and an inability to have normal audio levels throughout the film.

Yip Man can fly too...also he's the lost son of Krypton.


Ip Man isn’t a terrible film; the story is solid and inspiring (despite most of it being a total work of fiction) and the fight scenes are cool and fast pace (despite the fact they get silly when the E. Honda style fists of fury start and the ear-bleeding inducing bad sound hits). Sure the movie has its shortcomings like the fact that a majority of the characters are in no way developed or, sometimes, even adequately established and the sound is outright awful (remember, bleeding ears) but the good qualities are enough to keep the movie a decent martial arts film, albeit with limited re-watchability (which is totally a word).

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Iron Sky


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!




Iron Sky – 2 out of 5


When I first saw that teaser back when it first hit the internet awhile back I was instantly filled with excitement to see this movie. While the trailer didn’t show much it did hold the potential to be a great send-up to the old Sci-Fi films of the late 50s and early 60s. The premise was a breeding ground that could have cultivated a rich campy throwback that was drowning in delicious satire and thoughtful parody. Sadly, that’s not what the film delivered.  Although the bird dropping deuces on the statue at the end of the teaser should have been a warning...

"That was a disappointment," Actual line of dialogue spoken during this scene.
This movie might be more brilliant than I thought as it showed how self-aware
it was.


The story to the film isn’t the most complicated (but that’s okay because like the Sci-Fi flicks of old, complicated stories were not an issue). Prior to the end of WWII, Hitler sent out a mission to create a colony of Aryan youths and Nazi soldiers on the dark side of the moon. Years passed and 2018 comes along and they feel its time to goose-step their way back to the big blue ball. Under order of the acting Fuehrer Wolfgang Kortzfleisch (Udo Kier), Klaus Adler and his bride-to-be; Renate Richter (Julia Dietze), travel to Earth in order to test their weaknesses and gain updated technology in order to power their doomsday flying death machine (you would think their advances would already be pretty decent since they were able to establish a colony on the moon when no one else could) after an arrival from a black astronaut (imagine the fear those Nazis must have had seeing that) stumbles upon their location. Soon the world is under attack by Space Nazis and a new World War starts…a World War…in space!

"We have zeppelins that fly through space but we need iPhones!"


Like I said, when I first saw the trailer, I was excited to see the film because of the potential to be a witty, smart and overall humorous parody of the old Science Fiction films with a hint of steam punk thrown in to boot. However, when it was released on DVD, I saw the cover and it looked like this…
Really?


Wait…a scantily clad Nazi officer, the astronaut with a shit-eating smile on his face and, for some reason, a Sarah Palin wannabe? What. The. Fuck? Apparently the desire to make a well-crafted and semi-intelligent film got thrown out the window and they decided to make a really, REALLY bad comedy. And I mean really bad.

As in "pointless Nazi girl in underwear" bad.


The film was just a sloppy mess that looked like it was made by 4 different people and then edited together. There’s no coherent plot running through this thing but rather just random scenes edited together mostly through the use of fade outs/fade ins. For example, when the Nazis unveil their giant doomsday ship it would be pertinent for those on Earth to respond with their own spaceships—which they have and it’s established because they just show up. This is a little odd considering that earlier in the film they made the idea of sending a man to the moon to be a big deal but I guess a space ship with nukes is not nearly as complicated. There’s also the fact that the character of Renate wants to denounce her Nazi ways as she falls in love with the astronaut character of James Washington (Christopher Kirby). How do they do this? Just skip the story a few months into the future and * BAM!* it’s done.

"We tots forgot to tell you we had this.  Our bad."



Not pictured: A decent parody.
Matters only get worse when you realize the film doesn’t have a decent character going for it. You have Washington who is every black character stereotype rolled into one (there's also a story element that involves the Nazis making him white and not much comes from it other than a simple joke of a black guy who's made white, put in a Nazi uniform and speaks to some thugs on the street...and that's about it until the end when he becomes black again but that's just another example how this movie wastes its potential), all the Nazis being stereotypical Nazis, a President who is a very obvious and painfully unfunny caricature of Sarah Palin and a right-hand man woman to the President named Vivian Wagner who’s performance is nothing but acting like a drugged-up harlot ready to screw the closest thing to her and a non-stop barrage of F-bombs flying from her mouth (and a mysterious love of fucking weird outfights that can only be described as costumes for a space stripper)…that is until, for no reason, her character starts preaching about the horrors of revenge during the middle of a space battle but that goes along with the fact that there’s no coherent plot and my theory the film was filmed by several different people not talking about what they filmed and they just edited together for a release on the world.

Before...
After...this element to the film meant it became an instant classic for all
Nascar fans.


Then there’s the awful humor…

All the dick jokes and not a single joke about her stupid
outfit.
It’s easy to make fun of Nazis—let’s face it; assholes of all sorts are easy to make fun of. When you consider theirs was a lifestyle of all out ignorance and hatred and that stuff is just easy to make fun of. That’s why Conservatives are so easily teased. However, the film’s humor, like everything about this movie, was just quickly thrown together with no real thought—except a love of genitalia jokes. In case you are wondering: Yes, there was a joke about the style of pubic hair grooming on women that is often referred to as “The Hitler.” But the jokes about vaginas and dicks don’t end there because there are several more including a joke about compensating for a small penis and the giant doomsday ship being phallic shaped…
Totally shaped like a cock.


If your Nazi film has more than one dick joke in it, you are doing things wrong. Dead Snow did a far better job at ripping apart the Nazis through humor than Iron Sky lazily did—and Dead Snow had their Nazis as freaking zombies.

Zombie Nazis are infinitely more intelligent than Space Nazis.


The only good thing Iron Sky had going for it was the fact the special effects are really good and the film looks terrific. The overall feel of the film looks like an old Sci-Fi film with some modern advances of special effects technology but this only acts against the film when you realize the wasted potential this film had and you have to deal with a lot of unfunny material and a REALLY annoying Sarah Palin parody that wasn’t witty, charming or creative in the first place—but the film makers sure act like they were doing something that wasn’t already done.
Example:  Doing it right.

At least they got one recognizable star in the film.
Iron Sky is just a disappointment and a waste of potential. The idea was great and it could have been a fun movie but its execution was just terrible and reeks of laziness. When you realize nearly the entire film was financed by donations from the internet and not from any major studio, you have to wonder if the studios who refused to pony up the dough knew that those with the idea couldn’t create a decent movie and were trying to do the world a favor. Lesson learned for me here: Don’t get your hopes up after watching a teaser trailer because in the end it might just end up a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad comedy.