Only God Forgives – 2 out of 5
Remember how awesome the movie Drive was? Well, the director of that one wrote and directed this one and he brought the dreamy Ryan Gosling back to kick some ass in it. What could go wrong?
|Look at him. One can't deny his dreamy-ness.|
A whole lot, it seems.
|"Standing around not doing anything is far better|
than story or plot!"
To put it bluntly, Only God Forgives was boring. Like really, REALLY boring. Like “OH MY FUCKING GOD! THIS IS SO FUCKING BORING!” All the story, intensity, action and interesting characters that was in the last film directed by Nicolas Winding Refn and starred Ryan Gosling is missing and what is left in its wake is a slow moving mess.
|Changing it up a little bit with a reach out to the person the character is staring at.|
While the story is pretty straight forward and simple (revenge stories usually are—but there’s nothing wrong with that because who doesn’t love a revenge story?), the movie proves that Refn may have bitten off more than he can chew as he was clearly unable to get this simple story to feature film length and decided to pad the ever-loving fuck out of it!
|More staring?!? Slow down, movie. I can't keep up with this break-neck pace!|
|And now awkward dinner conversation with a mother who|
says things too filthy for me to re-type...um, can we go
back to the staring?
|Changing it up again, here's staring out of the corner of Chang's eyes.|
Very clever, Refn.
This over reliance on having his actors zone out and have it captured on film also works to showcase that Refn's script was only a page or two long as no one is saying a single word during these staring contests. It became so quiet that I actually forgot that Ryan Gosling has the ability to speak while I watched the film.
|Dammit, even the background just stares at you.|
Like Drive, this movie has its share of violence that was almost shocking enough to jar the characters out of their mental disconnect but it isn’t enough to save the movie as ever scene is a book-end with more scenes of PEOPLE STARING BLANKLY! What exactly is God forgiving here? The fact that Refn can’t write a movie and that the epicness of Drive was a fluke?
|Gosling knew he was in a movie, right?|
Don’t get me wrong, this film has all the makings of being a decent, if not great, film. I already mentioned that tales of revenge are kick-ass in all kinds of ways and despite this film showing us that Nicolas Winding Refn probably can’t write a story to save his life, his visuals are incredible. Even though he decides to waste most of his screen time showing characters looking like they are in the middle of the most mind-numbingly boring yoga position in all of possibility, a lot of the film is filled with terrific camera work and shots. The film even has a great cast...even though their talents were wasted and not utilized to their fullest capabilities because Refn wanted them all to not talk and just stare off into the distance like they are currently engaged in a mental discussion about how they want their eggs in their breakfast platter tomorrow morning.
|Alright, come one! This is just getting ridiculous now.|
All the elements are there to make Only God Forgives a good-to-a-great film but Refn seemed to consciously decide against it and go for a film with little-to-no-dialogue and more staring than even a film called Staring Contest: The Movie, should legally be allowed to contain.
|And this happened in the movie, too...at least it wasn't staring...but wait...|
the audience is staring at them. Dammit.