Monday, October 7, 2013

Birdemic 2: The Resurrection

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Grab your coathangers...




Birdemic 2: The Resurrection – 0 out of 5

The first Birdemic film was magical. The film is just an absolute piece of crap but, like other crap films like The Room, Troll 2 and Top Gun, the movie was bad on such a level and filled with such shitty examples of piss poor filmmaking that it automatically became a joy to watch. The film was fun because the acting sucked, the special effects looked worse than a Windows 95 screensaver, and the atrocious sound and video editing…oh and then there was that funky song that was an ode to one man’s incest obsessed family and how they love to “hook up” while just “hanging out.”

"This next song is about the purest love out there...the love one has for his family..."





"Does anyone else see really bad CGI hovering over our heads?


Seriously, all the awful qualities of this movie worked together like an out-of-tune orchestra and ended up making something that was worth watching—just not for the reasons that the director, writer and obsessed fan of The Birds, James Nguyen, intended for the movie. To make things even better for this first foray into raping Alfred Hitchcock’s corpse, the hilarity-makers over at RiffTrax produced a fantastic riff commentary on the film…seriously, check out that one. However, it was inevitable that a film that ended up receiving as much attention as Birdemic: Shock and Terror did, would end up getting a sequel but the charm that was slopped upon the first one was replaced with Nguyen’s bad attempt at parodying himself and, in doing so, killed the only reason the first film was watchable.

State-of-the-mother-fuckin'-art, bitches!



You can actually hear a "DUHHHHH" sound emit
from this picture.
There’s no way around it, Birdemic 2: The Resurrection is basically the first film done all over again but with a couple of minor additions. Like the first film, the movie focuses on a guy who looks like everyday functions like walking, breathing and speaking are traits he is taking night courses on in order to master but has failed the course several times and how he meets an emotionally empty woman at a restaurant and instantly puts the moves on her. In this case, the guy; Bill (Thomas Favaloro), is a movie director who uses the power of the casting couch to get the girl; Gloria (Chelsea Turnbo). With promises of the lead in his movie, Bill and Gloria eventually hook up—in a hotel room, just like the “heroes” from the first film…and then the killer birds attack. That’s basically the film.

"Okay, you can do this...left, right, left...make sure one leg is out front and the opposite
leg is behind and the third leg--wait, do I have a third leg?  Damn, I can't remember."

"I'm complete indistinguishable from the blond white
girl from the first movie!"
However, to keep things fresh, Nguyen brought back the man who can’t say the words “solar panels;” Rod (Alan Bagh), and his girlfriend Nathalie (Whitney Moore) because, seriously, what else are those two actors going to be doing? Rod is friends with Bill and, just like in the first film and how investments and money come easily to the man who looks like he stares blankly into the void at all times, invests his money into Bill’s new movie and, eventually, ends up battling the birds with Bill and Gloria. And by battle, I mean the last half of the film is just the group wandering around aimlessly, and with no real destination in mind, wildly shooting into the air with obvious plastic guns and constantly informing each member of the group whether or not the bloody body that lays before them is dead (seriously, you can have a drinking game with this one and drink every time they say, “He’s dead.”). Also, during their wanderings, they come across pointless characters from the first film like a doctor who knew too much about the birds in the first film, Nathalie’s mom who, it seems, followed her into L.A. and the Tree Hugger character that really hated bark beetles.

"It's the bark beetles fault.  First the birds, then they shut the government down,
then they leave the toilet seat up and get me addicted to meth...then they made this movie."



Oh, and did I mention that, for some reason, zombies, blood rain and resurrected cavemen show up? Because, why the fuck not?

Seriously, why the fuck not?
Okay, never mind, Nguyen needs to be stopped.

I can only hope that filming on the Universal Studios tour
bankrupt Nguyen so we don't have to endure Birdemic 3.
Everything that made the first film fantastic is present in this movie: The acting is still incredibly awful, the editing is terrible, the special effects are bad enough to make Industrial Light & Magic want to commit group suicide, the camera work was clearly done by an untrained monkey and Damien Carter is back with a terrible song…thankfully, he’s not talking about how grandma is dancing in order to make sure no one is sexually leering at their cousin. The problem is, James Nguyen is clearly parodying himself with this one as he turns up all the crap to 11 and, in doing so, takes away the magic. 

This movie did succeed in capturing, with absolute perfection however, documented evidence
of how awkward white people look high-fiving.


Watching this movie is like watching someone fall down. You shouldn’t be laughing but you can’t help it, the dude fell on his face (and if you’re lucky, a wedding cake was the bullseye his face was aiming for). You see a dude fall intentionally to try and get laughs; it’s just not as funny. In fact, it’s kinda sad seeing someone so desperate for your approval that they willingly risk injuring themselves. That’s basically what Birdemic 2 is; it’s James Nguyen intentionally falling down and hoping we all find it amusing. He even throws in some boobies to further try and win your approval.

Boobdemic!


Birdemic 2: The Resurrection is just awful. Ignoring the fact that Nguyen and his crew know nothing about story, acting and filmmaking in general, the reality that the man is attempting to make fun of himself by selling us the same piece of crap he already sold us (but with boobs, cavemen and zombies pointlessly added) is just insulting…even more insulting than if he just did another film that was poorly made. I can only hope that lightning doesn’t strike twice and the masses see this obvious cash-in for what it is so we don’t get a third Birdemic film that is the same thing all over again but, this time, with...dinosaur aliens or some stupid shit to try and up the “What the Fuck?” quotient.

A poster for Hitchcock's The Birds in the background, eh?  I suppose you
stole the poster, too, Nguyen?

2 comments:

  1. This sounds truly atrocious but because of the zombie reference I'm going to have to watch it too now, damn you. Nice review.

    ReplyDelete

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