Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Identity Thief

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! So...how about that weather we're having?





Identity Thief – 2 out of 5

Ha, imagine if someone tried to steal my identity…they’d return it once they realize my checking account contains only $14.23 and credit card companies actively avoid me like I’m sick with the latest population destroying disease. So, I think my identity is okay. Instead of worrying if someone wants my life, and all the glories it entails like stealing toilet paper from the local Arby’s and consisting off a diet of runoff water and whatever condiment packets I can successfully get away with without mall security tackling me to the ground and entering blackout rage as he rails the side of my head with his flashlight, I’m just going to watch the comedy Identity Thief.

*Flash-cut an hour and a half later*

Damn…I made the wrong choice.

Hey, that's the same face I made while watching this!

Hilarity or tragic abuse in 5...4...3...2..
Identity Thief is about Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman), a hardworking man with a growing family trying to make ends meet at a job that clearly doesn’t appreciate the work he does. Things quickly go to hell when he learns a woman is walking around using his name (because his name sounds like a woman’s) and racking up a shit-ton of debt (if you do the conversion of shit-ton to dollars, it’s a lot). Now Sandy must find the woman (Melissa McCarthy) and bring her back so she can face justice and Sandy can get his life back together. Oh, and did I mention that this woman is being hunted by a bounty hunter (Robert Patrick) and some hitmen from a drug lord she pissed off?

Robert Patrick's goatee is probably the greatest aspect about this film.

Even the stars are demanding that the PPV charge of
Identity Thief be taken off their bill.
This film probably had more press due to the fact that Rex Reed, in an effort to make himself relevant for the first time since…well…this is Rex Reed we’re talking about so, pretty much, ever. Reed wrote an incredibly scathing review of the film where he pretty much spent the entire time attacking McCarthy for being overweight and said the film was horrible because it was just McCarthy making jokes about how fat she is. I’m not going to waste my entire review attacking Reed for the fact he looks like a child molester or the fact that he needs to learn if you’re that desperate to get back into the spotlight after the fact you never really truly been in it, going the shock route is just one of the fastest way to get your creepy-looking face kicked right back out of the light. Few are able to go the shock route and use it to actually maintain popularity—and here’s the kicker, none of those people who use shock to get attention are movie critics.

Jon Favreau was in this one because, clearly, he was bored and needed something
to do.


Rex Reed being a tool aside, he was right about one thing; the movie isn’t funny. However, it’s no fault of McCarthy’s or her weight (in fact, there are actually very few jokes about McCarthy’s weight in the film). McCarthy and Bateman are both working diligently to try and make this film funny and taking what little the script gives them and attempts to make it at least a knock-off, bargain basement gold but, the sad reality is, the movie just didn’t have much output for the two already establish laugh-makers to do anything with. Occasionally the movie offers up some chuckle moments that includes fist fights between Bateman and McCartney that genuinely made me laugh my ass off but the rest of the film is filled with really bad filler—filler, however, that is still 100 times funnier than anything in an Adam Sandler film or any role belonging to Nick Swardson.

This picture is funnier than the entire Bucky Larson movie.



That's what you get when you drive a Fiat...or, at least,
I think.  I honestly know nothing about cars.
For the most part, Bateman and McCarthy are great together but I did have an issue with McCarthy’s character that kept me from really having any sympathy towards her (and no, Rex Reed, it’s not because she’s fat). Through much of the movie, I saw her character as a low-down, scummy, and an all-around terrible person because of the fact she is pretty much destroying Sandy Patterson’s life so she can have a waverunner. As a man who constantly lives in fear of losing everything (that 14 dollars in my checking account is important to me) I sympathized with Patterson a lot because I really don't want to be in his shoes and this sympathy made is very difficult to feel anything but contempt for the one putting his life through this hell. Granted you’re not suppose to empathize with her until later in the film where he character undergoes a catharsis but even after she has this revelation and you realize her character isn’t that bad, it comes too late in the film for it to leave a lasting impact on me. I wasn’t hating on McCarthy’s character as the credits rolled but I still wasn't warming up to her 100% and it probably would have been better if her turn (her FULL turn—the film hints throughout the story that she has some emotions beyond greed rolling around in her emotion organ) had occurred a little earlier.

Pictured:  Emotions toiling in the emotion organ.

You know it's a party when a heavy cowboy shows
up in your hotel room.
Identity Thief is far from being a horrendous movie. I didn’t walk away filled with self-loathing because I sat through the film—I reserve that for anything that stars Shia LaBeouf, made by Michael Bay and has robo-testicles in it. In fact, like I stated, there are some humorous moments in the movie that make it worth even the most curious of glances to—for example, some great scene involving Batman, McCartney and Eric Stonestreet (Cam from Modern Family) that left me rolling. However, there’s just not enough of these scenes and the few that are there have way too long of intervals in-between them—then all the stuff in-between is just generic gags that feel like they were stand-in jokes to be filled in with better ones later and were just forgotten. Along with the fact that it was hard to feel anything towards McCarthy character because, let’s face it, she’s a criminal who is out to take other people’s money and you have a movie that is barely worth the price of a rental at Redbox (I’m still waiting on my sweet Redbox kickbacks for constantly name dropping them).

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