Dr. Strange (1978) – 1 out of 5
Dr. Strange is one of those Marvel properties that seems to be able to make a decent movie all by itself—meaning, the comic character could possibly, and even literally, yank himself free of the pages and direct and star in his own film. The character is interesting and it involves magic and mysticism—so you can get an audience from the comic nerds (me) and possibly wiccans (they're into magic, right?). However, until Marvel brings in Strange into their new movieverse (and the rumors say he’s not far behind Ant-Man), we have to settle for a really great animated movie they made a few years back and a abso-fucking-lutely terrible live-action film from the 70s.
|"Is that more 70s over there?"|
Strange, in the comics, is a talented (but egotistical and narcissistic) all-star surgeon who could scalpel the fuck out of anyone and does so with style. But after an accident claims the use of his hands, he spends his time fighting depression and finding a way to make his hands work the way they once had. Eventually, he ends up learning the ways of mysticism and becomes the Sorcerer Supreme; the new protector of the world from evil might and magic.
|There's literally nothing creepy or unsettling about an old white man with a|
The 1978 film ignores all these awesome details and settles for crap.
|You also get a penis-monster that wasn't nearly as threatening as it should have been.|
Meant to be a pilot for a television show, Dr. Strange tells the story of the evil sorceress Morgan le Fay (played by Lucille Bluth herself; Jessica Walter) who takes control of an innocent young girl in order to take out the Sorcerer Supreme (John Mills) and his assistant Wong (Clyde Kusatsu). Along the way, the young woman finds herself in the care of Dr. Stephen Strange; a womanizing, unprofessional psychiatrist. Strange quickly learns that within him burns the ancient mystic arts and that he is next in line to become the Sorcerer Supreme…but first he must save the girl and stop Morgan.
|I feel extra dirty staring at Lucille Bluth's 70's cleavage.|
Do you like your comic book adaptations with action? Excitement? How about a little humor thrown in to keep it from becoming monotonous? And if it’s a magic-based comic book adaptation, do you want great special effects that help create the realism required for the story and help transport you, the viewer, into a world of supernatural wonder? Well, guess what? They don’t give you any of that shit in this film! Instead, you get a story that feels like a drunk staggering down the street, acting done by people who seem to be angry at the director and are intentionally not trying out of spite, sets that looks less creative than a kindergarten's presentation of the Thanksgiving story on acid and a lead actor who, when not looking completely lost in front of the camera, looks like he’s either a retired porn star or the bass player of a funk/rock fusion band.
|It's all the mustache's fault.|
Made during the long era where Marvel didn’t care about the dignity of their characters, Dr. Strange is one of those awful comic book adaptations that was made by people who clearly thought that those who read comics are borderline retarded and will accept any piece of crap given to them, as long as it has the name of the comic thrown in there somewhere. It’s almost heartbreaking to learn that Stan Lee was a consultant on this project—but I’m assuming that when they said consultant, they really meant, “Here’s some cash. Now stand quietly in the corner while we viciously rape your intellectual property.”
|Strange is already bent over and ready for what he's about to receive.|
|Rev. Ron horny, Michael.|
|At some point you might want a drug with more kick.|
|"I am now one of the most powerful mystics in the universe...|
look at the excitement in my face."
|He still looks lost. Did he even know he was in a movie?|