Friday, March 22, 2013

London Boulevard

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Or we can stare vacantly into the void and see if it stares back.

London Boulevard – 2 out of 5

Um…I don’t know the best way to start up this review…*cough*

This is the first time I think I've ever seen Colin Farrell in a suit...
That's a start to a review isn't it?

With those glasses he could become the first
hipster gangster.
 London Boulevard is about Mitchel (Colin Farrell), a man who just got out of prison and is presented with some opportunities that may or may not get his ass sent right back to the can. A friend of his offers him an opportunity to work with a local gangster (Ray Winstone) who gives him the chance to do some collecting for him and he’s given a second opportunity to act as security for a young actress (Keira Knightley). Unfortunately, he ends up falling for the actress and ends up pissing off the gangster…

Why is that stick wearing pants?  Oh, it's Keira Knightley...
damn that woman is thin.

This review is going to be short because, in a word,I found London Boulevard boring. There’s nothing exceptionally wrong with the film itself other than its go-nowhere-slowly story. The acting is terrific and all the technical aspects of the movie look great but the story just wanders around with no real direction.

I think they're driving around trying to find the story.

Mitchel’s love for the actress doesn’t end up being that important to the film as it kinda comes and goes within the running length and it seems his relationship with the gangster is also an aspect that seems to meander into the story like a drunk trying to find his car after a night out. Sure Colin Farrell and Ray Winstone are doing a great job with their characters and are acting the fuck out of their scenes but the fact the film’s story feels like it was written by a man who kept getting distracted by the squirrels in the backyard while he was sitting at the computer typing it up.

Now kiss...

For having a nearly two hour running length going for it, it’s amazing how little actually occurs in London Boulevard. The film tries to reward your saint-like patience with an ironic ending that ties to some events that happened during various moments in the film that are geared for you to not think about them until they culminate right before the credits but these events, like the film’s central points, were chaotically thrown in haphazardly here and there so that by the time the ending comes you just no longer care and are happy because it’s finally over. The film basically just felt like a drunken friend telling you a story that has no real pay off and is littered with backtracking because they kept forgetting parts.

"...and then Jim said, "Where did you get the rubber hose" and I was
--oh but first I forget to mention that Sarah lost her keys--and then Jim said..."

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