Thursday, January 24, 2013

Iron Sky

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Iron Sky – 2 out of 5

When I first saw that teaser back when it first hit the internet awhile back I was instantly filled with excitement to see this movie. While the trailer didn’t show much it did hold the potential to be a great send-up to the old Sci-Fi films of the late 50s and early 60s. The premise was a breeding ground that could have cultivated a rich campy throwback that was drowning in delicious satire and thoughtful parody. Sadly, that’s not what the film delivered.  Although the bird dropping deuces on the statue at the end of the teaser should have been a warning...

"That was a disappointment," Actual line of dialogue spoken during this scene.
This movie might be more brilliant than I thought as it showed how self-aware
it was.

The story to the film isn’t the most complicated (but that’s okay because like the Sci-Fi flicks of old, complicated stories were not an issue). Prior to the end of WWII, Hitler sent out a mission to create a colony of Aryan youths and Nazi soldiers on the dark side of the moon. Years passed and 2018 comes along and they feel its time to goose-step their way back to the big blue ball. Under order of the acting Fuehrer Wolfgang Kortzfleisch (Udo Kier), Klaus Adler and his bride-to-be; Renate Richter (Julia Dietze), travel to Earth in order to test their weaknesses and gain updated technology in order to power their doomsday flying death machine (you would think their advances would already be pretty decent since they were able to establish a colony on the moon when no one else could) after an arrival from a black astronaut (imagine the fear those Nazis must have had seeing that) stumbles upon their location. Soon the world is under attack by Space Nazis and a new World War starts…a World War…in space!

"We have zeppelins that fly through space but we need iPhones!"

Like I said, when I first saw the trailer, I was excited to see the film because of the potential to be a witty, smart and overall humorous parody of the old Science Fiction films with a hint of steam punk thrown in to boot. However, when it was released on DVD, I saw the cover and it looked like this…

Wait…a scantily clad Nazi officer, the astronaut with a shit-eating smile on his face and, for some reason, a Sarah Palin wannabe? What. The. Fuck? Apparently the desire to make a well-crafted and semi-intelligent film got thrown out the window and they decided to make a really, REALLY bad comedy. And I mean really bad.

As in "pointless Nazi girl in underwear" bad.

The film was just a sloppy mess that looked like it was made by 4 different people and then edited together. There’s no coherent plot running through this thing but rather just random scenes edited together mostly through the use of fade outs/fade ins. For example, when the Nazis unveil their giant doomsday ship it would be pertinent for those on Earth to respond with their own spaceships—which they have and it’s established because they just show up. This is a little odd considering that earlier in the film they made the idea of sending a man to the moon to be a big deal but I guess a space ship with nukes is not nearly as complicated. There’s also the fact that the character of Renate wants to denounce her Nazi ways as she falls in love with the astronaut character of James Washington (Christopher Kirby). How do they do this? Just skip the story a few months into the future and * BAM!* it’s done.

"We tots forgot to tell you we had this.  Our bad."

Not pictured: A decent parody.
Matters only get worse when you realize the film doesn’t have a decent character going for it. You have Washington who is every black character stereotype rolled into one (there's also a story element that involves the Nazis making him white and not much comes from it other than a simple joke of a black guy who's made white, put in a Nazi uniform and speaks to some thugs on the street...and that's about it until the end when he becomes black again but that's just another example how this movie wastes its potential), all the Nazis being stereotypical Nazis, a President who is a very obvious and painfully unfunny caricature of Sarah Palin and a right-hand man woman to the President named Vivian Wagner who’s performance is nothing but acting like a drugged-up harlot ready to screw the closest thing to her and a non-stop barrage of F-bombs flying from her mouth (and a mysterious love of fucking weird outfights that can only be described as costumes for a space stripper)…that is until, for no reason, her character starts preaching about the horrors of revenge during the middle of a space battle but that goes along with the fact that there’s no coherent plot and my theory the film was filmed by several different people not talking about what they filmed and they just edited together for a release on the world.

After...this element to the film meant it became an instant classic for all
Nascar fans.

Then there’s the awful humor…

All the dick jokes and not a single joke about her stupid
It’s easy to make fun of Nazis—let’s face it; assholes of all sorts are easy to make fun of. When you consider theirs was a lifestyle of all out ignorance and hatred and that stuff is just easy to make fun of. That’s why Conservatives are so easily teased. However, the film’s humor, like everything about this movie, was just quickly thrown together with no real thought—except a love of genitalia jokes. In case you are wondering: Yes, there was a joke about the style of pubic hair grooming on women that is often referred to as “The Hitler.” But the jokes about vaginas and dicks don’t end there because there are several more including a joke about compensating for a small penis and the giant doomsday ship being phallic shaped…
Totally shaped like a cock.

If your Nazi film has more than one dick joke in it, you are doing things wrong. Dead Snow did a far better job at ripping apart the Nazis through humor than Iron Sky lazily did—and Dead Snow had their Nazis as freaking zombies.

Zombie Nazis are infinitely more intelligent than Space Nazis.

The only good thing Iron Sky had going for it was the fact the special effects are really good and the film looks terrific. The overall feel of the film looks like an old Sci-Fi film with some modern advances of special effects technology but this only acts against the film when you realize the wasted potential this film had and you have to deal with a lot of unfunny material and a REALLY annoying Sarah Palin parody that wasn’t witty, charming or creative in the first place—but the film makers sure act like they were doing something that wasn’t already done.
Example:  Doing it right.

At least they got one recognizable star in the film.
Iron Sky is just a disappointment and a waste of potential. The idea was great and it could have been a fun movie but its execution was just terrible and reeks of laziness. When you realize nearly the entire film was financed by donations from the internet and not from any major studio, you have to wonder if the studios who refused to pony up the dough knew that those with the idea couldn’t create a decent movie and were trying to do the world a favor. Lesson learned for me here: Don’t get your hopes up after watching a teaser trailer because in the end it might just end up a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad comedy.

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