Friday, January 4, 2013

Butter


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!




Butter – 3 out of 5



Have you ever seen people eat butter in a butter eating contest? It’s enough to make a person throw up. However, the movie Butter isn’t about that, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only person who’s seen the horrifying event that is mutants shoving sticks of butter into their food-hole for a trophy and even lonelier nights after the State Fair. 

His eyes aren't nearly crazy enough to be in a butter eating contest.


The thing about butter is that it goes well on toast (a food marriage made in heaven—heaven being a refrigerator), some people have a hard time believing if some objects are NOT butter and I haven’t consumed butter in over 3 years—that’s right, I’m a dirty hippie vegan, I await your comments about how un-American I am and how my sexuality must be brought into question because aspects of my life don’t match your own Toby Keith-listening and NASCAR-watching life.

Pictured:  Butter eater and lover of America.

She kinda looks like Sarah Palin...only smarter.  But a dead
moose is smarter than Palin.
The thing about the movie Butter is that it’s about butter carving—which apparently is a real thing. The film is an ensemble cast comedy that sees the marriage of famed butter carver extraordinaire; Bob (Ty Burrell), be politely asked to step down so others can try to get a moment in the butter carving spotlight. Bob’s mildly racist wife; Laura (Jennifer Garner), is suffering from being too much like Sarah Palin and is not happy about Bob’s forced retirement. Bob, unhappy as well, enlists the services of a stripper; Brooke (Olivia Wilde), for some sex and is caught in the act and got away without paying. Well, kinda got away—got away in the sense Brooke knows where he lives and wants the money and is out to embarrass Laura from ruining a possible meal ticket…or butter ticket.

Rob Corddry is fucking serious...he wants that butter ticket.


Meanwhile, an orphan named Destiny (Yara Shahidi) learns she has a natural talent for carving
I bet she believes it's not butter.
the dairy –based crispy-bread topping after she is put in the foster home of Julie and Ethan (Alicia Silverstone and Rob Corddry)—anyone else surprised to learn that Alicia Silverstone is still acting and hasn’t joined a cult, was abducted by aliens or whatever else happens to once red-hot up-and-coming actors who suddenly become obsolete? Destiny enters the competition alongside Laura who’s out to make sure her family keeps the title of best butter carver in the state and will stop at nothing to win—even sleep with an old boyfriend; Boyd Bolton (Hugh Jackman) in order to get him to sabotage Destiny’s triumphs. But Destiny has natural talent, supportive foster parents and a vindictive stripper on her side.

To be honest, I thought Silverstone was dead.

I found this film while returning some movies to Redbox and saw Hugh Jackman’s smiling face on one of those little mini-posters advertising the movies The Box (that’s what we cool people call Redbox) was currently holding. I glanced at it and noticed that Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) was in the film and Phil Dunphy—although a completely fictional character—is my hero and is, most likely, the type of father I’ll end up being, for better or worse. On the basis alone that Ty Burrell was in this movie is why I rented it—even though the critics weren’t too pleased with the film. However, I didn’t think the movie was that bad.

Silverstone pretty much makes this face the entire movie...but at least it's better than
Kristen Stewart's one look.


First off, the cast is great in this movie. While Ty Burrell doesn’t get a chance to steal the film like he does with nearly every episode of Modern Family he still has a few humorous moments. In fact, that’s what the film mostly is: a collection of humorous moments.

Let me take this opportunity to remind you that he played Doc Samson in
The Incredible Hulk.  Imagine what he would look like with long flowing green hair.


Hugh Jackman, while having a small presence in the film, offers up a couple of chuckles as the dimwit Boyd. Rob Corddry has some funny moments with his on-screen adopted daughter, Destiny and even Kristen Schaal, a very funny young woman, has a couple of moments that offers up a simple “ha-ha” moments. More surprisingly is the fact that Jennifer Garner is able to make some levity as she is not really known for being funny. However, never are these moments capable of eliciting true “laugh out loud” moments (or “LOL’s” as people who don’t know how to end text message conversations would say).

Oh, Kristen Schaal...you are so adorable and funny!  You're like a kitten with a
punchline.


While the story seems to be rich with creamery promise (butter imagery) for a great off-the-wall comedy, the film never truly gets up and going thanks to passable jokes and a plot that doesn’t allow for much time to build for any character to truly do their work. Sure you get to see Olivia Wilde in some hot stripper gear but you do so at the cost of laughter…and is that really worth it? Kinda yeah but she didn’t get nude so I have to say no.

Is it cold in there or are her nipples incredibly erect?

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