Magic Mike – 2 out of 5
Yes…I actually watched Magic Mike.
I know what you’re saying, “Ron, this movie was clearly made for women and gay men. This means that you either are into dudes or have a vagina.” Okay, Sherlock, I won’t begrudge your incredible lack of foresight when it concerns my motives for watching this movie (seriously, you would be terrible at trying to solve a mystery) but the correct reason I watched this is for the sake of this blog. I’d be lying if I stated I wasn’t curious about it (I know you’re thinking it, “he admitted it, he’s bi-curious”) but my curiosity existed more to see if I could write a funny review of the movie and, other than the obvious, what women saw about this movie.
|I'm sorry to say this ladies but Tatum occasionally wears clothes in this movie.|
|I would make a joke about how it's raining men but they|
literally were dancing to that song in this scene...it's like the
movie was writing my material for me.
|Look ladies, another scene where Tatum is wearing clothes. I think this review may|
hurt the DVD sales...ha, like my blog has any sway whatsoever.
I’ll just say it: This movie was made for the ladies and that’s okay. Women have been objectified in the world of cinema for…well…since movies started to get made and why can’t ladies have their turn? The film, despite trying (and failing) to have a coherent story, is really just an excuse to watch Tatum, Matthew McConaughey and, mysteriously, former pro-wrestler Kevin Nash to shake their buns. The movie is just a show of gratuitous butts and packages for women to fan themselves over and change their panties when it's done. It’s no different that pointless titty shots in action and horror films (hell, this movie even works in some boobies for the husbands/boyfriends who were dragged to see this—and those boobies belonged to none other than Olivia Munn—Nerds Rejoice!!!!).
|Yes...I repeat...Olivia Munn shows her lady pillows!|
|Because women want their male strippers to look like|
Apple hipster fanboys and homeless model crack addicts
rolled into one.
|Congratulations Inglesias...You just won the award for the Douchiest Way to|
Wear Your Sunglasses Without Using Them for Their Designed Purpose.
|Hopefully Nash doesn't have a Vietnam-style flashback to|
his WCW days.
|Horn looks like she keeps food stuffed in little pouches in her cheek like a hamster.|
So, yes, I watched Magic Mike even though I am fully aware who the target audience was for this film. From a filmmaking perspective, this movie (partially based on Tatum’s real-life stripping past) is put together well enough despite the fact it was just glorified eye-candy for the ladies to swoon over. And it was directed by the same guy who directed Traffic (Really? Yes, really, Previous Question.) One thing, though, struck me while I watched this movie and that was the desire to watch it again…with an extremely homophobic person. I just want to see his reaction and listen to his tirade of awful things coming out of his mouth as he begins to question his sexuality and see how the vile spew escaping from his word-hole becomes more and more hateful as he becomes more aroused at the sight of McConaughey in short shorts.
|Well this is embarrassing...McConaughey is wearing the same shorts I wear when I |