Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Predator 2

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Predator 2 – 2 out of 5

Boy, it’s been a long time since I’ve watched the follow up to Arnold instructing us to get on the choppa that is Predator 2. And you know what? It’s just as bad as I remember it!

After Jesse Ventura proved that while he didn’t have time to bleed, his character did have plenty of time to die, that alien race of hunters with a face that looks like a nightmarish version of a vagina is hitting the big city of LA. A massive heat wave hit the city and every gang and their grandmother is out to lay claim to their territory. The police officers have their hands full and their hands only become fuller when the gang members start getting murdered in a strange way, including some who get skinned. Lieutenant Mike Harrigan (Danny Glover) who isn’t too old for this type of shit learns that an alien dude with dreadlocks is on a killing spree…a killing spree that includes taking out Gary Busey and his gigantic teeth and Bill Paxton in his pre-tornado chasing day.

Yep, their face is a giant, fucked up vagina.  Teach that in abstinence class and
kids will stop having sex FOREVER!

The first Predator film is amazing! Some amazing comics have been released since then but the films have been lackluster since. After the 2nd film, the Predators got to take on the Xenomorphs from Aliens thanks to demands from nerds and their conflict was captured in some great comics, some mediocre video games and two awful movies that proved to be more unintentionally humorous than epically bad-ass. Before the alien hunter got some form of redemption thanks to the 2010 Predators, they were involved in an awful mess that took place in L.A.

"Um, guys?  I can't see out of my helmet."

The mystery and the suspense elements that compromised the first film is abandoned for more
"More pit sweat" - yelled the director.
gore and more violence. That’s not necessarily a bad thing but there’s was never much of a story that went along with the Predator killing people. Sure the film gives us a host of sweaty people (because there wasn’t enough sticky, sweaty people in the jungles of the first one) trying to figure out why gang members are being slaughtered and there’s a side story of Buddy Holly (or, at least the guy who once played him) on a mission to take the creature out after he learned of its existence after the events of the previous film but everything that fills in-between is a mess. How much of a mess? Well, you do have to put up with Morton Downey Jr. as a journalist.

Three people died on set after Downey snapped them in two with his teeth.

The only real highlight that Predator 2 offers up and the only reason I will every decade or so pop this film in is the final moments of the film where Lieutenant Harrigan ends up in the Predator’s ship, sees a Xenomorph's skull (a prelude to the awful AvP films) and, after handing the Predator’s dreadlocked ass to it, is greeted by several more Predators only to discover that despite their enjoyment of skinning things alive, are capable of honor and allow Harrigan to leave unharmed…well, unharmed in the fact that they didn’t provide addition harm to the harm the first Predator put on him.

Blue light isn't good on Busey...in fact, even darkness is too much light for him.

"I'm too sweaty for this shit."
Predator 2 isn’t a very good film. It’s story doesn’t offer much and Danny Glover, despite all his efforts, can’t save this movie as the great hero that is Lt. Harrigan. Bill Paxton seems to only be in the film to complete some sort of trifecta of being beat up by a Terminator, killed by Aliens and now getting sliced and diced by a Predator and finally, a majority of the acting involved in this film is just plain bad. How bad? Try not to laugh when Ruben Blades’ provides about as much feeling as a plastic children’s toy when he utters, “No, please don’t” when he’s getting dragged off to die. 

I thought I said blue light was awful on Busey--oh wait...that's a Predator.

Sure this movie can and does suck. Sure it is, at times, eliciting a chuckle out of me rather than something like, “Hey, that’s awesome!” and sure it doesn’t even belong in the same genre, same league or even same shelf space as the first film…but the last ten minutes is really good. So, at least it has that.

Yes, I watch the entire movie for this shot...and I am fully aware that you can skip
chapters on DVDs.


  1. I love both these movies, despite the fact that the sequel is way inferior to the first one.

    Nice trivia about Paxton's trifecta.


  2. I'm probably the only person in the world who prefers the second one... sigh.

    It's a lonely place to be, liking Predator 2 more than Predator 1.

    1. But there's plenty of convenient parking in that place!


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