Sunday, October 14, 2012

Flesheater

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Flesheater - 1 out of 5

The man has a neckerchief on...I already want him dead.
Ever since George Romero made Night of the Living Dead, everyone and their mother (even Romero himself) has been trying to capitalize off its success.  Lucio Fulci did his own zombie films meant to be unofficial sequels to Romero's original and even The Return of the Living Dead was meant to be ANOTHER unofficial continuation of the classic 1968 horror film.  Even a actor in the original film tried to use the movie's success and the fact he's slightly recognizable as the ghoul who was "coming to get you, Barbara," in order to get some cash.  And if you see the final product of Flesheater (yes, one word) you will quickly understand that getting cash was this film's ONLY desire.

The true horror of this film:  His wife switched his regular coffee with Folger's crystals!
(I'm giving myself a high-five for that stupid reference!)


Hinzman WITHOUT the make-up...
Bill Hinzman (the zombie in the cemetery in Night of the Living Dead) wrote, produced, directed and starred in this generic zombie film...I'm sure he tried to play every part in order to make sure all the returns came to him but this movie has some nude scenes and I'm sure his tits aren't as good as the ones he was able to scam to appear on camera.  Basically, playing the same zombie he did in Night, the movie is about this particular zombie being uncovered by a farmer who was escorting some horny, party-hungry college kids out to a secluded part of the woods to drink and fornicate...because that's what kids do!  After being awoken by the farmer, the Hinzman zombie starts to wreak havoc, attacking and biting (only biting, no eating for some reason) the kids and creating more zombies.  There's really nothing else going on here.  It's attack, bite and new zombie repeats said process.  It's basically zombie dominoes. 

Suburban Mom Zombie...the scariest of all zombies!


Someone should tell that man that his pubic hair grew on his
face rather than a proper beard.
Flesheater (yes, seriously one word--if it was an Italian horror film from the 70s this would be expected but it's an American made one.  Go figure) is a prime example of low budget, bad filmmaking.  Bad filmmaking at its finest!  The acting is predictably awful--so awful, I'm incapable of properly describing the humorous and weak reactions this actors give to finding zombies and/or their friends dead but the true joy comes from the terrible audio.  Special awards have to be given to the decision to mix in a sound that can only be described as sand paper being rubbed together during a make-out scene.  Heavy doses of drugs and alcohol can only be the answer to why this was done.  Most lines are over-dubbed (poorly) and most zombies moan and growl WITHOUT opening their mouths.  That's right  ventriloquists are becoming zombies and that means Jeff Dunham's act will still be unfunny once he becomes a member of the undead and his redneck, racist humor will now be extended from just making fun of Arabs, African Americans and Mexicans but to also the living...but white bigot zombies will laugh their tits off at this new act.

Thrill as the last 10 minutes of the movie is a barn burning down!!!


Flesheater (why one word?!?) has a flimsy (at best) story and no real plot going on.  The film is just a sequence of events that just so happen to have the same characters coming and going.  However, as bad as this movie is, it's fun to watch and easy to make fun of.  You can't watch this one and actually think, "Hmm, what a brilliantly executed film" because there's no characters, no development, the gore involved was just bought off a Halloween store's shelf and the story looks like it was written in a five minute span while sitting on the toilet.  However, the film proves to be one to get together with some friends with and make fun of it from beginning to end. 

2 comments:

  1. It is definitely fun to watch to make fun of... but I really can't help but feel VERY uncomfortable watching Hinzman grope young womens' boobies.

    Cash and groping. Two desires.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha...it is uncomfortable. I recommend heavy doses of narcotics to get through it!

      Delete

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