Saturday, July 21, 2012

Zombies vs. Strippers

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!
 
Zombies vs. Strippers - 1 out of 5
 
When I sat down for Zombies vs. Strippers, I'm not going to say I expected art.  I expected a shitty, poorly made, terribly acted mess of a shit film that contains pointless boobs, needless and unconvincing gore, acting that is either flat-out awful or something that resembles a person giving their all for what they believe will be their big break but is still terrible nonetheless--all of which is contained within something that gives the appearance and effort of a script that was probably no longer than 10 pages and written in crayon but produced under the false assumption that something amazing was being created.  Had I received that, Zombies vs. Strippers could have been entertaining to watch because shitty movies are hilarious but instead ZvS was just plain shitty.
 
Yep, that's pretty much the face I make throughout the entire film...
it even made me take up smoking.
 
Douche bags will like this movie because it has boobs and
it will be an excuse for them to hide their fears that they
are probably gay to begin with.
I kinda feel like I don't really need to go over the story for this movie because, based on the title alone, you can easily guess both the story and the plot but, in an effort to milk this review, the movie is about a down-and-out dive of a strip club that is on its way out when suddenly--and without an explanation-- zombies show up and it's up to some girls with no tops and g-strings to send them back to hell.  But have no fear because you won't see any character development or explanations of any kind in this one.  In fact, they are so concerned with figuring out ways of panning out the concept of seeing a pair of knockers that they don't bother trying to give some substance to what brought on the zombie outbreak or why on Earth there is a scene of one zombie eating another zombie.  In fact, boobs become the main focus to such an extent that they literally forget to include the zombies for much of the film and forget to give this film any semblance of an ending. 
 
The zombie to stripper ratio is no where NEAR balanced in this one.

Yep, made that face too while watching this...
even bled from my face for no reason because of the poor
quality of this one.

I'm not going to get into the acting because there isn't a single known actor in this and, to top it off, it's all terrible...but that was assumed and assured from the get-go!  Even seeing boobs--something that dominates my free time and my checkbook in real life--becomes more of an annoyance after the 2nd or 3rd time a zombie pulls off a stripper's top.  The simple fact is this:  Zombies vs. Strippers is so bad and bad on such a level that it's not even amusing on an ironic level.  It's so bad you can't make fun of it because it just becomes pathetic and you start to feel sorry for it when you have to endure the 15th poorly re-recorded piece of dialogue (and that happens in the first 20 minutes).  This movie isn't even funny bad...it just plain sucks.

6 comments:

  1. One of the best movies on Netflix.

    I came into it with low expectations too, but after I got past the first several minutes (with Spider), everything else rolled. Like you said, there was no character OR plot deveopment, but just taking them for what they were, is not a bad idea. I found myself caring for Red Wings, Vanilla, and even Red Wing's henchmen (sorta).

    Stupid moments abound 1). How easily Spider met his end, 2)how stupidly Spike met his end....I could go on.

    But, all in all, if you weren't expecting too much, a good ride to be had,

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for saving me 2 hours of my life. I always see this movie on demand and have been wanting to watch it, being a stripper myself.
    -Cape Cod Strippers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do what I can for the sake of humanity. If wading through the shitty movies helps in anyway, than I can say without a hint of arrogance that I'm totally an awesome hero.

      Delete
  3. It is also the best location and great ideas and interesting too. Looking forward to know more about about Hen Party Destinations.

    hen night london & hen party ideas london

    ReplyDelete
  4. There's no question that going to the strip clubs can be fun, but these trips can also become a financially damaging, wallet-draining waste of time and money. You can visit butlers with bums best quality strippers and sexy performance.

    ReplyDelete

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