Monday, July 30, 2012


***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Lockout - 1 out of 5

Okay, so Snake Plissken CIA Agent Snow (Guy Pearce) has to get into Los Angeles a maximum security prison space station; MS One, to save the President's daughter after the inmates take over.  There ya go.  That's Lockout.  Not entirely sure why it got a theater release and after watching it, I'm even more confused as to why.

Lockout is an uninspired mess that spends more time borrowing/stealing from more popular sci-fi/action films than worrying about story, acting and special effects.  The film's premise is basically Escape from L.A. except rather than infect Snow with the Plutoxin 7 virus, he's just offered a deal after he is falsely accused of murder.  Oh, the film tries to offer up some more meat to the story to try and hide that lack of creativity by having someone important to Snow inside the prison facility but it's tacked on presence only amplifies the lack of originality this movie possesses and is quite transparent --it's kinda like that glass house that people are always warning about throwing stones from.  

Right as the film kicks off, the movie gives you a special effects-filled chase sequence that seems to scream, "Why did we even bother?"  Nothing says sci-fi/action epic like digital effects that look worse than the cheapest made SyFy movie.

Yay!  Cartoon special effects make the movie!

Cigarettes are weird in the future!
Guy Pearce, a great actor who doesn't work as often as he should, doesn't really work as an action star as the sarcastic pithy lines he spews (all bad enough to belong in The Expendables 2) don't sound natural coming out of his mouth but when compared to the annoying presence of Joseph Gilgun as an eccentric prisoner who is so unbearable that I began to wonder if he was going to get indigestion from all the scenery he was chewing on, Pearce looks almost James Bond-ish in his portrayal.

Having this character in the movie felt like the filmmakers were daring me to
hit the "Stop" button.

Things only get worse as Vincent Regan plays the leader of the inmates.  Not only is the character lifeless and completely mysterious as to why he's such a supposed intimidating foe (the movie never shows you why he's this way, they just tell you he is a badass because why show when you can just tell) but Regan couldn't look more bored in front of the camera.  In fact, he even looks like they woke him up from a nap only seconds before "action" was called.

This is the most intensity you get from Regan the entire film.

But what about the President's daughter?  Surely they got a decent actress for her.  They didn't...and don't call me, Shirley.  Maggie Grace (of Lost fame) floats her way through the movie like a set-piece rather than an actual character.  She offers nothing to the film other than a plot device to get Snow onto MS One.

"Oh shit!  Am I back on that awful island?  I can't go back to that show, I'd rather die!"

The check cleared, so Lennie James agreed to be in
When it came to the cast, Guy Pearce had potential if it wasn't for the awful writing of his character but two actors actually stood out for me like flowers growing out of a pile of turds.  Lennie James and Peter Stormare play Secret Service Agents out to aid Snow--and by aid, I mean yell at him through a comm while Snow does all the dirty work.  Both James and Stormare (Pete being one of my personal favorite actors) take the paltry script that was given to them and makes it somewhat workable.

While it would be cool to have Morgan Freeman narrate my life, I think Peter Stormare's
unique (and often creepy) voice narrating it would be cooler.

Lockout comes off as a direct-to-DVD release with weak acting, a flat story, laughable special effects that slightly improve as the film progresses and sets that look like they were bought at auction from Alien:  Resurrection.  There's no action sequences that makes the film redeemable and the hero and villains all come off as lost souls with no real direction to go.  Now, because I don't know a good way to end this review, I'm gonna leave you with one of those shitty tagline puns that pretentious movie critics wet their pants over for an opportunity to use and then gives them a false sense of creativity, purpose and grandeur...Lockout should have stayed locked up!     


  1. Great review, Ron. Funny as usual.

    I have nominated you for the Liebster Award.

    I hope you will accept the same.


  2. Thank you, sir. I shall response in kind!


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