Saturday, June 16, 2012

The Grey

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Grey - 4 out of 5

Liam Neeson is a bona fide bad-ass.  Don't agree?  Have you seen Taken?  He was kicking the a-holes of a human trafficking circle to get his daughter back and now he's out to kick the a-holes of some computer generated wolves out for blood.

Those are some intense eyes...surprised the wolves didn't surrender with just a glance.

There's always one creepy guy on every plane.
Liam (or Mr. Neeson, please don't beat me up for being too informal) stars as Ottway who is employed at an oil rig as a wolf hunter--basically he hides in the snow picking off wolves who get hungry for oil men.  After his job reaches its completion, he and other employees board a plane for home when a storm takes them down.  Ottway and a few survivors quickly discover that not only do they have to try and survive the harsh elements, they also have to survive vindictive wolves ready to pick them off one by one out there hiding in the darkness. this one of those Weekend Warriors things where guys get shirtless
and howl at the moon to find their "inner animal?"

First off, it should come as no surprise that PETA hated this movie and asked people to boycott it because of the negative light it casts on wolves.  You got to hand it to PETA because no one is better at making PETA look like a collection of morons than PETA--and I'm a vegan who supports the humane treatment of animals but those nutjobs just make the animal rights movement look like a joke.  

Ah, summer in Minnesota.

*Steps on soapbox*  The Grey is a work of fiction--that means it was made up, PETA--and in this work of fiction (remember, that means it's fake, PETA) the antagonist is Mother Nature itself.  The survivors are not only battling freezing temperatures, blizzards (not the Dairy Queen kind either) and unpredictable terrain but they also crashed into a wolf pack's territory.  Wolves are a part of Mother Nature and yes, the wolves are the "bad guys" but there is reasons behind it--and the reason is NOT that filmmakers wanted everyone who views this movie to hate wolves.  Using PETA's stupid logic when it comes to works of fiction, we must boycott ALL movies because someone/something is put in a negative light.  Weather seems to be a dick in this movie and nearly every movie ever made has some dick human being a dick for dick reasons.  Should we boycott them?  Should we just boycott all movies or just the ones that put our furry friends as the bad guys?  Should I no longer watch Return of the Jedi because Jabba gives all Hutts a bad name due to his criminal activities?  Of course not because Hutts aren't real--well, guess what?  The wolves in this movie aren't either--in fact, they are completely CG.  I understand you're out to bring awareness of animal rights but pick your battles--specifically pick battles that don't make you look like insane, self-righteous idiots.  The reality is Mother Nature is a bitch and has a million ways to kill you--wolves pissed off because some oil workers crashed in their front yard is just one of those ways.  Finally, it's just a movie and one of the world's oldest storytelling elements:  Man's fight for survival against nature.  *Steps off soapbox*

OH CRAP!  It's The Nothing from The Neverending Story!

Back to my review...

PETA's sore buttholes aside, The Grey is an amazing film.  Stories of survival are no new thing and with all the advancements our society makes, it's nice to see an old fashion "man vs. wild" story (and not Bear Grylls' Man vs. Wild because I don't think drinking your own piss will help much against blood-thirsty wolves).

No caption required...except for the fact that I actually made this just for the review.

Sure, at times, the wolves seem like they are near invincible military strategists in their attacks but the human elements that comes from the survivors as they open up to each other moves the story along and making you yearn for them to make it...even though you know most won't (I think I saw some Red Shirts peaking out of their jackets).

Due to years of abuse to his body, production of Cliffhanger 2 was cancelled after
Stallone was stuck in this position for 8 hours.

I have a healthy fear of and respect for this man.

Other than Liam Neeson continuing to prove he's the man--seriously, if I ever meet him, I would
ask him to punch me in the face so I could spend the rest of my life bragging that I took a punch from Liam Neeson (I'll make sure to leave out that I probably wet myself and cried for 20 minutes after the punch)--the movie's strongest moment is the ending.  Without spoiling anything, the films ends on an ambiguous note.  If you like happy endings, the film is open enough where you can have your happy ending.  Are you like me where life has beaten the crap out of you and all that's left is a jaded, cynical shadow of what you once were and you want a downer ending?  Guess what?  You can have it--Hell, you can even mix it up and have a bittersweet ending that combines a little happy and a little sad.  The film leaves it completely up to the viewer.

" that wolf mooning me?"

With great characters, a tremendous story and a stellar ending, The Grey proves to be a great film about survival and has also proven to me that Bear Grylls and all his piss drinking has nothing on Liam Neeson--mostly because Neeson's scripts about survival are more entertaining and better written than the scripts Bear worked with on his show--BOOM!

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