Friday, May 18, 2012

The Devil Inside

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!


The Devil Inside - 1 out of 5


You got to hand it to the genre called "found footage," they never disappoint...as long as you go in knowing you are going to see your typical cheap, poorly acted, lame scares that are seen coming a mile away, uncreative piece of crap that is getting churned out left and right because people will pay money to see these clones for some reason.  As long as you have this in mind, this movie won't disappoint you.  I know it didn't disappoint me.  Since it was a "found footage" film, I expected it to be crap and guess what?  It was a HUGE piece of crap.

Okay...so a background extra is checking out the main female's ass...
I get it movie, I'm suppose to find her attractive.
So, the story is your typical "found footage" premise...something spooky is happening and it's decided to be documented and the protagonists are killed before the evidence can be fully collected--because if they lived, where would the "found" part of "found footage" come from?  If they lived, the movie might actually be something creative like a mockumentary that can actually be scary like Noroi: The Curse or Lake Mungo. The scary thing that occurs in this film is the fact that a young woman's mother appears to be possessed by an ice cream man--kidding, but that would be more interesting than the cliche horror aspect that haunts this movie as the mother is possessed by...you guessed it, a demon (maybe demons).  The Devil Inside is the first demonic possession film to come out this year but, as Hollywood law requires, it won't be the last as we will probably see another 4 come out all claiming to be better than The Exorcist and, as we all know, that will mean the movie will suck donkey balls because every film about demonic possession hasn't even come CLOSE to being as amazing as The Exorcist.  Shit...that movie still scares the hell out of me.  Pointless story:  When it was re-released into theaters about a decade ago, I saw it on the last showing of the last night and I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE THEATER!  How I didn't die of pure fright is beyond me.

Even a character with lines is checking her out.  This movie is bordering
on rapey.



So, anyway, this woman believes her mother to be possessed by the devil and gets the help of a hipster-looking douche bag to be the filmmaker to document the process of discovering the truth.  She then enlists to expert priests to help but they soon discover, not surprisingly, that her mother's case is special--perhaps if they weren't filming it, it wouldn't have been that bad.  Just like how we now know that we only fall down in public if someone is filming us so it can be uploaded to YouTube.  The film then moves along a very predictable path where if you've seen a single, poorly made horror film, you can pretty much call every plot point and scare several minutes before they actually happen.  In fact, this movie moves at such a predictable pace that it seems that the filmmakers behind it only went to film school for a day, thought they got the idea and dropped out once they found a flyer for a scam lecture that promises how to make it big as a filmmaker and before the speaker at this speech  tries selling his "plan" to the audience at this supposed free lecture, the filmmakers leave and then made this piece of crap.  Everything about this film is "by the books."

This man is too handsome to be a priest.  Too much hair, as well.  And most priests
don't rock the five o'clock shadow.  Also, I can't see this guy molesting alter boys.




That is, except for the ending.


Some critics and movie-goers have called the ending to The Devil Inside to be one of the worst film endings of all time--and that says a lot because I can't be the only person who got mad that we didn't get to see an alien at the end of Contact.  The ending comes completely out of nowhere like the production ran out of money or the final pages of the director's "How to Make A Lot of Money on a Shitty Cliche Movie" was missing and he just said, "Fuck it, let's end this shit."  Then, as if to laugh at the audience for wasting their money, the film blatantly shows it was nothing but a marketing scheme as it instructs you to go to a website to "learn more."

Okay, now that's how a priest is suppose to look.  Chubby, sweaty, freshly
shaved with a receding hairline complete with a look of constant sexual suppression
that is about to be unleashed on an unsuspecting small boy.



The Devil Inside keeps the growing tradition of cheap "found footage" films alive with its complete lack of life.  The acting is awful and/or lazy and, even more irritating, is the fact that the documentary filmmaker character keeps involving himself in the story.  But this is a common flaw in "found footage" films that try to be documentaries--then, in the process of doing so, completely kills the reality of it all, despite the false claims that this movie was based on actual events.  What events?  The fact that Paranormal Activity made tons of money without a story or any plot.  One major plot point films like this always forget is the fact that unless the filmmaker is the central theme of the film that is being made, they usually stay out of the action.  A documentary filmmaker who is filming the process of someone going through something (in this case, a girl trying to find out if her mother is possessed) that filmmaker won't get involved because their film has a subject.  They will act as a narrator or interviewer but remains a "fly on the wall" and keeps themselves out of the action--that is unless the filmmaker IS the emphasis of the documentary like when Michael Moore or Morgan Spurlock make films.  However, the douche we get in this movie who represents our director is NOT the central character of the doc, the woman trying to understand what is happening to her mom is but constantly we have to see the director involve himself and give his opinions on the events going on.  It's this blatant lack of knowledge on what makes a documentary LOOK like a documentary that instantly takes away all reality from the film.  Even worse is the fact the character is actually introduced as a documentary filmmaker.  They probably just should have introduced him as an ass who just bought an expansive camera so it comes off as realistic.  I have to once again cite Lake Mungo and Noroi:  The Curse because those involved in those projects know how to make a "found footage"/mockumentary horror film look real.  There was no douche stepping into frame in Lake Mungo expressing his feelings on what was going on in that one.

Not only does the filmmaker character look like a douche, he looks like
he's about to pull out an acoustic guitar and start playing "Wonderwall."



And look at this quality camera work.  You literally have
to sit through about 2 minutes straight of this shot.
The Devil Inside is just another example of a horror film built upon a gimmick in order to take your money--and the filmmakers weren't even trying to hide this fact with the phoned-in story, lack of originality and inability to hire decent actors...and the ending...they couldn have not been more obvious with their lack of effort there even if they openly said, "Hey folks, we just wanted your money, we didn't care about trying."  Even more embarrassing is that Paramount Pictures openly admitted that the only reason they purchased this film for distribution was to have, hopefully, their own Paranormal Activity franchise.  If trying to create another weak franchise like that one isn't a crime against humanity, I don't know what is.

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