Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Dead

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Dead - 1 out of 5

Do you like your zombie movies with bad acting, no character development, no story or plot with an emphasis on walking and/or driving than actually having something happen?  Well then, my friend The Dead is the movie for you!

The story behind The Dead story is...actually, there isn't a story.  The film only has a flimsy premise and then loads the movie with a whole lot of padding.  So, a bland, flavorless military engineer--actually, this character is so boring and lifeless that he actually could have been anything because I was fighting to stay awake the entire film.  Anyway, this particular character who has something to do with the military is trying to get home to his family as the zombie apocalypse hits but ends up crashing his plane on the coast of Africa.  I'm guessing his mission is to get home but what we see is over an hour and a half of this character wandering (sometimes driving) through the African plains.  He ends up meeting another guy and they walk and drive together before that guy becomes a zombie and then the guy ends up walking by himself again.  Then the movie ends.

See the truck in the background?  Driving...

I kid you not, that's the film.

Reading some of the reviews by viewers on the IMDb forums you would think this is the greatest zombie movie ever made.  I think this is the one time where the famous antagonistic line given by posters on IMDb could ring true--the accusation that the positive reviews were put there after payment received from the production of the film.  In fact, there are so many positive reviews on that website that I started to wonder if I got a different cut of the film because the acting is awful (yes, despite the amazing lack of lines, the main actors somehow made walking and driving look forced and not realistic) and, more importantly, NOTHING HAPPENS IN THE FILM!!!

Standing.  Obviously taking a break from the walking and/or driving...

More driving...
There is no story, just a thin premise that can't carry the movie to its hour and forty-five minute running time.  The zombies don't appear threatening and the body count is so low that I'm starting to wonder if any zombies were actually killed throughout the entire movie.  I get it that the main character--whatever his name was--is trying to get back to his family (and the film will remind you of this as it takes walking breaks to give you flashbacks) but how about developing the characters in the film.  Sitting uncomfortably in a truck with two characters who barely speak isn't doing much to make me care about what happens to them.  Also, getting all hopeful and emotion in the final 30 seconds of the film doesn't erase the fact that I just wasted over an hour and a half watching a dude wander around Africa.

Whoa, big change here!  Walking with a gun!

The Dead offers nothing original to the zombie genre--in fact, it offers nothing to the world of cinema in general.  Abandoning important things like story and plot is the exact opposite of progress in movies.  But then again, if you had to hear the awful lines that the main character (Whutiss Name, is probably actually his name) then you might understand why the entire film was walking and driving...and nothing else.

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