Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia - 4 out of 5

There is one constant fact that exists on our planet:  Those who lack brains, make up for it in fertility.  That's basically a nice way of saying all the idiots in the world are breeding and no better documentary showcases that then The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia.

The film follows the infamous White family of West Virginia for an entire year.  Don't know the family?  Congratulations because then you are like me because I had no idea who the hell they were until my friend told me about this documentary.  Not knowing who they are also means that you probably have also dated outside your family.  The Whites are a group of coal miners sons and daughters in West Virginia who have a reputation of being slobs, trash, drug addicts and criminals...and the family is proud of this.  They've been immortalized in songs and are hated by all the good and decent folks of the county they live in--and the family loves this fact.  They loudly and confidently yell to the sky that they are Rednecks and, in my world, those proud of being Rednecks are people to avoid at all cost...and this film only reinforces this belief.

Jail...or as the Whites call it: Home.

The family is large on bodies and low on teeth as we learn that there were even more Whites who all meet untimely ends thanks to their love affairs with violence, drugs and guns.  There are so many Whites, it actually becomes difficult to keep track of all the Mary Bobs and Joe Bobs that start filling the screen and it made me wonder if the film should actually come with a score card in order to keep all them in order.  The doc has no real central theme other than watching the debauchery of a family who's gene pool is incredibly shallow and struck me as the type that has their own chapter in the KKK.  Now I know that sounds unfair to say because the documentary shows no sign that they engage in incest and show any signs of racism but when the film is littered with scenes of them consuming any pill that can be ground to a powder and snorted up their nostrils and rebel flags on every item they own, it's not hard to imagine they are burning some crosses on certain families' lawns.

HOLY FUCK!  Kill it, with fire!

When I first sat down to watch the film, I had expected to not take a single moment of the film seriously because it was produced by the production company Dickhouse--the company that made Johnny Knoxville and Jackass a household name.  The film was even produced by Knoxville and other alumni from the former MTV program.  However, production company names aside, the film was really well put together but incredibly difficult to watch.  I'm not trying to get into an ivory tower here but watching these despicable people consume more drugs than Hunter S. Thompson on vacation, brag about stabbing people and hearing the lady Whites talk about how their menfolk cheat on them with other family members make this doc extremely uncomfortable to watch and actually makes me feel that the US of A may be better off if the South did secede from the nation--it would certainly bring our national I.Q. up several million points.

The family proclaims this one to be the "hot" one.

To call The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia a train wreck is an insult to all train wrecks because this family is a massacre on a global level.  It's hard to watch but as much as you want to turn away, you find that one of the Whites is about you call you a "faggot" and threaten to kill and rape you (in that order) if you hit stop on the DVD player.  Even worse is the fact that there are probably those out there in their formal hunting camo who watch this and proclaim in their best Southern drawl, "Man, I want to fucking party with those people."

The Whites looked at this backyard and immediately declared the owners "millionaires."

It's funny because the Whites are very religious and
talk about the Lord and Jesus a lot in the doc.  It makes sense
because giving a kid cigarettes is exactly what Jesus
would do.
The subject material of the Wonderful Whites is not something pretty or enjoyable to watch.  The doc tries to make you feel for them as one member loses her new born baby and is forced to go to rehab in order to see her again and the matriarch of the family dies but when these scenes are immediately juxtaposed with more drug smoking, snorting and shooting and shirtless little boys with rat-tails hanging down their backs looking for frogs to stick M80s down their throats, it's hard to feel any sympathy for the Whites.  If anything, the film actually made me feel better about myself because of the fact I have indoor plumbing and can read.  In all seriousness, The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia is a fantastic documentary that is well edited and crafted in its production and layout and the family within the film is horrifying but interesting on a level that is equal to how babies are born (you know it has to happen somehow but you don't actually want to see the actual event and yet you can't look away) and the film is more than deserving of a score of 5 out of 5--however, due to the fact that I had to take a shower in boiling acid with a wire brush to remove the filth that came out of my TV from the White family and, in turn, took away any chance of me revisiting this film, I had to settle on a 4 out of 5.

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