Saturday, April 28, 2012

11-11-11

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

11-11-11 - 2 out of 5

Oh are we a people of superstition and conspiracies.  Millions of years of evolution and all we have to show for it is paranoia on a completely ridiculous level.   You would think by now we would have the power to levitate objects with our minds or set things on fire with our minds or fly...with our minds--but instead, we have a society of people who find patterns in the meaningless and believe our world is going to end every year.  Sure there are those who don't buy this crap but, let's face it, those who are buying it are the ones talking about it the loudest.  Remember how Harold Camping said the rapture was going to happen?  Or how about how people believe that the Mayans predicted the end of the world despite the fact they are missing one crucial detail...an actual prophecy.  I hate to break it to you 2012'ers but the Mayans arbitrarily ended their calendar, the end didn't mean the ETERNAL end.

Well, anytime some numbers come together in a way that makes sense to those with basic math skills, predictions of troubled, possibly end, times are coming.  November 11th 2011 was one of those days that crazy people thought would mean something but, in reality, it was just a regular day.  Well, when these nutbars freak out about some pattern they believe they stumbled upon (WOW, all the numbers are the same, they must have racked their brain on that one!) you know some writer out there is ready to exploit them and make a bad movie about it.  Roland Emmerich, the man who is, arguably, the worst filmmaker in history, made ill-begotten money off the Mayan thing with his 2009 John Cusack as an invincible limo driver and one hell of a yeller film 2012.  If you haven't seen that one, check it out because it is awful...awfully hilarious!

Want George Clooney in your movie but can't afford him?
Then get a guy who kinda, sort of, possibly, almost resembles him.


The guy who wrote Saw II (Darren Lynn Bousman) has stepped up to take on the 11/11/11 theory.  If you're unfamiliar with the theory, there are those who wear tinfoil hats and believe that on 11/11/11, a portal to another realm (possibly heaven, hell or New Jersey) would open and the end of the world would occur or somehow a Conservative Republican would be born that would be for women's rights, for gun control and not be a complete racist tool.  As we all know, it is 2012 and the world didn't end and Republicans are still rich white women haters who hold their guns like the phallic symbols they are.  Anyway, Bousman released this film about a atheist writer who turns his back on God after his wife and child are killed.  He travels across the pond to Barcelona to be with his preacher brother and dying father as mysterious events start to happen to him as the faithful date of November 11 2011 approach.  Demons start to show themselves on the doorstep and it seems he may find his faith again as it seems that he is to step forward and protect his brother, a man who could be the prophet to usher in a new era.

This guy is a new prophet?  I hate him for his impossibly good looks.
When you see it...
I walked into this film with the same expectations I have when I walk into any horror film.  I almost knew it was going to suck, I just hoped it would make me laugh...at the very least.  Shockingly, it wasn't absolutely terrible.  But as you can tell from my score, it wasn't brilliant either.  The story is just as silly as the people who cry the sky is falling but, believe it or not, it had some decent scares very early in the film.  As the demons start to make their appearance, director (Bousman again) made excellent use of light and shadow to hide the demons and give you just enough of a glimpse of them to give them a menacing but distant feel that gave me some goosebumps.  However, as the third act hit, he decided to give up the spooky factor and go for the funnybone as the demons mass on the house and their threat level hits zero.  Seriously, our main character just closes doors on them or walks past them.  I think the demon in the ParaBORING Activity film is more threatening than these guys.

So, apparently, the Wishmaster was cast to play all the demons.

The non-threatening creatures of the underworld get explained away as the film attempts to make a twist at the end that really wasn't that impressive and ends up making the entire journey of the film a near waste of time.  11-11-11 was nothing more than an attempt to make money on crazy theories that fill up the internet, so the fact that the film falls flat isn't really that much of a surprise...in fact, it was kinda expected.

1 comment:

  1. You were too generous, in fact, a 1 is way too generous too, this movie made me wanna cut my wrists, hour and a half that i will never get back.
    Plot, characters, action, it doesnt make any sense. Just horrible.

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