Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!
 
Poultrygeist:  Night of the Chicken Dead - 1 out of 5
 
If you've ever watched a Troma movie, you'll understand that there is no middle ground with their films.  You either love the insanity of their "bad for bad sake" films or you can't stand how obnoxious they are.  How obnoxious you ask?  Well, their movies are so annoying that they make performances from Shia LaBeouf and Nicolas Cage looked quiet, restrained and dignified.
 
Someone at Troma actually thought this movie was a GOOD idea.
 
Poultrygeist has a special honor for the company that gave us The Toxic Avenger and Sgt. Kabuikiman, N.Y.P.D.--and no, it's not because Ron Jeremy has a cameo--Poultrygeist has the honor of being the highest rated Troma movie that they've ever had in their near 40 years of distributing and producing.  That being said, I watched this movie and found the results the same as any other Troma movie I've watched:  This movie sucks just as bad as all their others.
 
This is the "hero" of the film.  He never lets go of this intensity throughout the film.
Kraft services must have had a cocaine platter when filming.
 
Poultrygeist is a musical/comedy/horror (kinda on all three accounts) slop-fest about a fast food establishment built upon an Indian burial ground that gives rise to a chicken-zombie infestation.  While the story is what you get, the description is far from what the studio would want you to believe.  Okay, when I said kinda on all accounts, what I should have said was, "negative on all accounts."  Even the musical part gets a negative because even though it contains songs, the songs are so awful and beyond the bottom of the barrel that even Lady Gaga wouldn't steal them from Madonna and call them her own.  The movie is never funny and far beyond scary.  In fact, like all Troma movies, it is just annoying.
 
Troma filmed this car crash in the 70s and have used it in every film since.
It was the most expensive thing they've ever done...not hard to belief after you've watched a Troma movie.
 
Sure the film thinks it's slick as it pokes fun at film cliches and breaks the fourth wall but when the rest of the film is filled with Troma's own self-created cliches, it's hard to take any of its gags seriously--and the fact the jokes aren't funny hurts this attempt at serious-takingness (yeah, I know that's not a word).  What are these Troma cliches, a person who hasn't seen a Troma movie might ask.  Well, loads of fake blood is always a given and becomes less funny each time--if you actually laugh the first time.  Honestly, after the 20th gallon used, it just becomes old...and they use the 20th gallon at minute 3.
 
Yes because guys in dresses is hilarious, Troma (please sense the sarcasm).
Why don't you have a scene that involves diarrhea?  Oh wait, they do have one.
Aim for the stars, Troma...aim for the stars.
 
But the biggest, and worse cliche that plagues a Troma movie is the cast.  In the past, some big name celebs got their start in Troma like Samuel L. Jackson, Marisa Tomei Matt Stone and Trey Parker and some fading stars got their start too like Kevin Costner and Billy Bob Thornton.  However, to fill in the roles that won't be taken by future stars (if that even happens anymore in Troma movies) they fill them with their cast of characters who are, most likely, relatives of Troma creator Lloyd Kaufman or the product of years and years of inbreeding.  I don't know what it is about Troma movies but not only are they capable of getting some terrible talent to fill the roles of their main cast but are able to fill the supporting cast and extras with some of the most sickly looking people you will ever see.  Step aside Peopleofwalmart.com because the folks in the background of a Troma fill make you look like you are stepping out for an evening at the Opera.  For a better description, these greasy, unwashed looking people are so offensive on the old eyeballs that one could easily assume that they smell like wet garbage that was lit on fire and put out with an industrial size container of cat turds...and then washed with the remnants of the daily collection of a bank of Port-a-potties at a 3 day Chili Convention.
 
Seriously, when giving a casting call for a Troma film, does it state, "Don't Shower for 3 Days...maybe longer."

In short, Poultrygeist:  Night of the Chicken Dead isn't funny, isn't scary and isn't worth the time it takes to smoke copious amounts of marijuana to get high enough where these qualities will actually work.  The movie is offensive and ugly--and not offensive because of all their homophobic, racist and misogynistic jokes but because these jokes, even if they were done ironically, have the potential to be funny but they are done just for shock value--and are poorly written to boot.  But if you like Troma movies, all the things that I find that don't work, work for you without the need for a mind-altering substances.

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