Monday, February 27, 2012

Miss March

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Miss March - 2 out of 5

Before I start this review I have to ask one question:  Is Playboy still relevant?  With a wealth of naked women at our fingertips, thanks to the internet, does this once respected gentleman's magazine still have a place in popular culture?  Last I heard their sales were being destroyed thanks to the skin mag Perfect 10--a magazine that only allows natural women to pose, women without boob implants and airbrushing is completely forbidden.  Hell, Playboy once gave me a 2-year subscription for free--FREE!!!  I didn't give Hef a single dime and they gave me two years but other than this strange gift, I can't remember the last time I purchased a Playboy.  I can guarantee it had some celebrity posing but when was the last time we had a decent celebrity pictorial?  All we've seen in the last decade is washed up D-listers like Kristy Swanson, Deborah (Don't call me Debbie) Gibson and Tiffany.  And recently we got the train-wreck of a human being that we only keep around to remind us how good we have it; Lindsay Lohan.  So, I ask again:  Is Playboy still relevant?  Even when this film came out in 2009 (not that long ago) the mag seems like a relic from the distant past that sticks around like a rich Uncle with cancer who won't die and bequeathed his empire to you.

Hugh was nominated for a Razzie in the Worst Supporting Actor department playing himself in this movie.
In my humble opinion, the fact he lost means he got robbed.  Because he was awful in this and
truly deserved that award.

Miss March is a story about a young man name Eugene who is a part of an abstinence program (ha, like those work) with his high school sweetheart.  Well, prom comes along and the sweetie named Cindi wants to get the nasty done and do away with the abstinence thing (see, I told you those don't work).  However, in an effort to get ready for some sweaty action, his best bud Tucker convinces him to consume copious amounts of intoxicants and, on the way to do the dirty deed, Eugene falls down a flight of stairs and enters into a coma for 4 years.  Upon his awakening, he discovers his perfect flower has posed for Playboy and he, along with Tucker, head out to do the dance he missed all those years ago.


Typical reaction to a person watching Miss March.

From the guys that gave the world The Whitest Kids U' Know comes a Playboy-themed comedy that, when I first turned it on, I thought the concept sounded dumb and was a little too close to the J. Geils Band hit "Centerfold," and I thought I would immediately hate it.  However, after some really bad jokes, a couple of gags involving some precise axe throwing and a mishap on a tour bus, I thought that the movie might be mediocre...sadly the movie continued and it went back to my original assessment.  It seemed all the work in the writing department came in the form of those two decent gags and the rest was spent on Mountain Dews and Slim Jim's because this film felt like it was written by a frat boy who still laughs at his own farts.


And friends keep telling me The Whitest Kids U' Know is funny but after seeing this dude
and his TWKUK counterpart, I realize I can't trust my friends.

To compound the lack of energy being placed on the writing, the whereabouts of the money it
Is Craig Robinson only funny on The Office?
took to film this are unknown as the only recognizable stars within the feature are Craig Robinson from The Office and the smoking jacket geriatric Lothario himself; Hugh Hefner.  Okay, you might recognize Deputy Jones from Reno:  911! and you might recognize the dude from the Miller High Life commercials but other than that, this film has no stars to be seen.  So, what we get are two guys who wrote the film and from the sketch comedy show The Whitest Kids U' Know  and they're put in the roles of Eugene and Tucker.  One is lifeless and comes off as an asshole and the other is trying to be Jim Carrey...and comes off like an asshole.

"Don't find me funny on those Miller High Life commercials?  Well, have no fear, my
batting average is intact as I'm not funny in this either!"

Then to have more compounding occur on a film that is already compounded by a lack of effort being put into the final product, our Centerfold, the high school sweetheart of Eugene, never gets nude.  I know that sounds like an odd complaint but when the story is focused on the fact the main character's love of his life becomes a Playboy model, you would think the viewer who just sat through an hour and a half of bad jokes could be at least rewarded with a boob or two.  I'm not one to advocate gratuitous nudity but having Playboy lend its name to its movie and then have the film's leading lady not bare it all acts as a metaphor for to the fledgling magazine--a metaphor of disappointment and complacency.   Honestly, Miss March is one of those cases where a movie is so bad, a little gratuitous nudity would have helped it.  It would have made you forget for a single second you weren't laughing or enjoying yourself. 

Seriously, just one nipple from this girl could have saved this film...slightly.

Miss March surprised me for a moment as it made me genuinely laugh and made me consider that I might actually be in for one of those funny movies that slips under the radar but in the end, the movie is worth about as much as the paper a single issue of Playboy is printed on.  How much is recycled paper going for these days?  Actually I take that back, recycled paper is probably worth more than this film.

1 comment:

  1. Playboy is not nearly as relevant as it used to be. It used to be an honor to be offered a cover spot, but now mehhh ... it's not as Artsy as it could be and the artistic vision is lost. Nudity if done well can be very high Fine Art and if done poorly ... will not engage the viewer or enrich anyone's life. Art should be an enriching experience, if this movie somehow enriches my life or enlightens me in some way ... than it's good. Thumbs down to anything that is bawdy for bawdy sake.

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