Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!


Bucky Larson:  Born to Be a Star - 1 out of 5


I have a very, VERY strict rating system I've created for myself and I don't like to venture from it but I was very tempted after viewing Bucky Larson:  Born to Be a Star to give it my first score of 0 out of 5 but since I don't offer a score of zero, I extremely begrudgingly give this film a 1 but believe me, it's much worse than that.

Bucky Larson has proven to me that Adam Sandler has gone completely insane.  I don't know whether it's because he's upset over the course his career has taken or what but how on Earth this completely unfunny film was allowed to be released onto the unsuspecting world is completely beyond me.  You would think that at some point the authorities would have gotten involved and stopped the co-writer and producer from letting this movie out of its cage.  What hurts even worse is the the film's co-writer and star; Nick Swardson, is a talented comedian.  I own his comedy albums and watched his specials on Comedy Central.  I really enjoyed his re-occurring character of Terry in Reno 911!.  He seemed like a comedian who could have gone on to some big things but instead, sold his soul to Adam Sandler and his life has entered into a swirling flush that is the crap Adam Sandler insists on terrorizing the world with.
Apparently Bret Michaels was in this film.

Bucky Larson is about a dim-witted, bucked toothed (get it, Bucky?  Comedy gold there, right?) man from the Midwest who discovers his parents were once highly acclaimed pornstars and he decides he's going to get into the business.  One hitch:  He has a tiny penis and shoots his stuff at the first shake of a lady's ta-tas.  Well, thanks to a washed up porn director, Bucky becomes a star as people all over the world see Bucky and realize they don't have it so bad.  Women no longer find their lovers' lack of manhood as a problem because they could end up with Bucky and dudes wipe the sweat from their brows and breath a sigh of relief because in the end, they're not Bucky.
Well, now Don Johnson's song "Heartbeat" is no longer the most embarrassing thing about his career.

This story ends up delivering not a single, solitary laugh as it only has a small handful of jokes that are re-arranged, re-tooled and re-used for the entire hour and a half.  What are those jokes?  The jokes are that everyone from the Midwest is a complete idiot, Bucky has bucked teeth and all women are complete whores who only want men with 12-inch salamis in the pants.  This overused set of jokes became too much to handle right away with in the first ten minutes of the film--and if you're able to make it past the first ten minutes without the use of a mind-altering substance coursing through your veins, you may, in fact, be Superman.  These jokes get used so often and are often, in a usual Adam Sandler fashion, stretched out to such an extent that they go from not being funny to being annoying and then they're stretched even more to the point it just gets uncomfortable and the movie gets to the point it's nearly physically painful to sit through.
I would have suggested you take a drink every time they make a joke about his bucked teeth
but you would die of alcohol poisoning within the first three minutes of the film.

Nick Swardson has defended the film viciously as the critics were relentless in their break-down.  Currently, it has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.  For those who don't understand the Tomatometer, that means not one of the critics who submitted their review of this movie gave it a Fresh Rating.  Nick Swardson has been quoted to saying that the critics hating it going into the theater.  He also stated that there was no way to properly promote the film because the subject matter wasn't something you could properly sell on a TV ad.  While the second part may be true (and maybe some of his first points) but doing my best to give this film an equal chance (and even hoping that it may surprise me) I just couldn't enjoy this complete stinker and after the credits rolled, I couldn't think of anyone who could find this funny because the stupid humor is insulting to even the dullest moron and the sex jokes aren't funny enough for a puberty-transitioning 13 year old.
Christina Ricci is no longer attractive for agreeing to do this movie.  Are you happy, Adam Sandler?
This terrible movie you've produced actually made someone uglier.

Bucky Larson is, without a doubt, one of the most unfunny films I have ever sat through.  Even some of the worst I've experienced has given me the slightest chuckle but I was silent the entire length of the movie--as long as you don't include my moans of pain as I'm pretty sure a tumor started to form in my brain from enduring Bucky Larson.  If you've ever read my reviews (mainly any bad one I have to give) you know I do try to find something good and rewarding about even the worst movies I view but Bucky Larson had none.  This movie was so bad, I can't even dare my most hated enemy to sit through it.  

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