Thursday, August 25, 2011

Eureka Season 4.0

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Eureka Season 4.0 - 5 out of 5

In 2006, the terrific little cable network called SciFi put on-air a witty little television show about a top secret city where the smartest of the smartest of the smarts live to dream and invent the next best thing. Well, like any city, things can go wrong and law and order needs to be in place and keeping that peace is your average Joe officer by the name of Jack Carter. Sadly, something went wrong. It wasn't the show because throughout its run, it's kept up its level of quality when it comes to great acting, awesome characters and fantastic stories. The problem arrived in the form of the networking losing all control and it started with renaming itself to "SyFy."

"I'm very disappointed. Honestly, why call yourself SyFy now?"

Since the network that gave us the immensely epic Battlestar Galactica reboot and gave a home to Mystery Science Theater 3000 after Comedy Central gave it the old heave-ho decided to alter its moniker to something that would be described by something lame as uber-lame, the network and all it has delivered has seemed to go downhill. One bad decision after another and SyFy has decided to cancel one of the only good things the network has going for it. Instead of original content that focuses on story, humor and great science fiction, they decided that wrestling and cheesy ghost hunting shows were the next evolution for the network. The only next step for this cable station is to destroy itself because it has already shot itself in the foot, fallen down a canyon and accidentally cut off the wrong leg after a boulder pinned them to the ground.

"Come on, Jo. Just do the Family Guy Cool Whip joke with me."

My rant aside, this first half of the fourth season of Eureka is incredible. All the fun with just enough drama to keep it going is still here and mixed perfectly with the great characters and actors. The season starts with a bang as it's Founders Day in the town and several of the main characters are sent rocking back in time to the city's installation. After returning, they are shocked to discover that the timeline has changed and not only are they forced to deal with the new world that is turned upside down for them, they are forced to deal with a straggler who scammed his way from the past. Battlestar Galactica's James Callis arrives to play this man and his addiction to the season is enough to make the beginning of season 4 addicting.

A guy in a fedora is always trustful. Remember that, kids, when hitchhiking.

Familiar characters and relationship change and evolve as the new timeline creates a fresh look for the show that was in no real danger of getting stale. Add to the fact the show also including some great special guest appearances by Wh-il Wheaton and Jamie Kennedy and you have yourself something awesome. This season also offered up a crossover with one of SyFy's other programs, Warehouse 13. Hell, I didn't think shows did crossovers anymore. This beginning to this season was just as good as the last season that it only enrages me more that the show will end after its fifth year run. Perhaps if the show went the way of Lost, such a move would have made sense but the fact that a network that no longer seems to be making the right changes ends a solid show like Eureka makes me believe its the network that needs cancellation...not the show. Maybe Eureka should start looking for greener pastures on a network that appreciates it. Maybe FX.

"Is that pee?"

Monday, August 22, 2011

Take Me Home Tonight

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Take Me Home Tonight - 2 out of 5

Ah, the party movie...a staple in the world of Hollywood. It is such a common sight to see a film that is about some up and coming young adults who are so afraid of the future they decide to party all night long and have adventures that can only exist within the world of cinema. In the case of Take Me Home Tonight, the party takes place in the 80's.

According to IMDb.com, the film took nearly 4 years to be released and, after watching it, I could have waited another 4. Topher Grace stars as Matt Franklin--a young man uncertain with what he should do with his future. Well, after spotting a girl he had a crush on when he was in high school, he decides to take his sister (Anna Faris) and his best bud (Dan Fogler) and hit a party where she'll be and finally make his move. Occasionally, the film offers up a couple of funny sequences but, for the most part, the movie is just meh.

"I know, I can't believe I was cast as Venom, too!"

The story is something we've seen over and over and over and over again and the jokes aren't nearly as hard-hitting as they need to be to cover up the cliche runaround the movie gives us. Overall, the film feels like VH1 took I Love the 80's and made it into an hour and a half film as the focus is clearly on cramming as many references it can to the "Me" decade. Wild hair, Madonna bracelets, sport coats with the sleeves pulled up and slim ties alongside many, many cocaine references pretty much makes up what you see in this one. Then, about an hour into the film, the movie realizes that it needs to show some emotion and character development and the 80's commentary is put on hold.

"Bitch don't even."

With very few jokes and a huge emphasis on stuffing as many 80's pop culture references that would make a hack stand up comic shake his head in disapproval, Take Me Home Tonight is a film that can't even be saved by its fantastic soundtrack.

The Conspirator

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Conspirator - 4 out of 5

I'm not a history buff. I find the events of days behind us to be interesting but I wouldn't say I spend most of my time watching the History channel...unless there is a marathon of Pawn Stars on. However, I do enjoy when events from our past are made into films and it seems The American Film Company does too. The Conspirator is the first film to be released by this production company that is out to make the most historically accurate films to be made.

Their first project surrounds the trial and execution of Mary Surratt, the only woman in the assassination plot of Abraham Lincoln and the first woman to be put to death by the United States of America. Directed by Robert Redford, the film has the great potential to become a history lesson that could put weaker minds to sleep in high school. However, Redford's vision along with a tremendous cast that really creates an overwhelming amount of emotion makes for a very compelling story.

Who would want to assassinate this most excellent dude? Most heinous.

Courtroom drams can be awesome and a lot of historical period piece movies are very entertaining too and this one combined the two in a magnificent way. The man who would take Patrick Stewart's place as Professor X; James McAvoy, stars as Frederick Aiken, the unlucky man who is forced to uphold the ideals of the constitution and give the conspirator Surratt (played by Forrest Gump's own Jen-nay; Robin Wright) a fair trial. This, of course, is nearly impossible when it comes to matters that pertain to patriotism and justice takes a backseat to revenge as the odds are stacked against Aiken as he deals with nearly overpowering corruption in the case. McAvoy is surrounded by a powerhouse of a cast that includes Kevin Kline, Tom Wilkinson, Danny Houston and the man who seemingly can do anything in the world of Hollywood; Stephen Root.

"Just go straight for two blocks. There you will find Starbucks. While there, get me another coffee."

Now, I'm not a historian and I have yet to master the science in order to time travel but half the film's appeal is the seemingly dead-on representation of the time period. Everything looks like it should and with the actors delivering like a boss, it's easy to lose yourself in the film and the characters and think you're watching something that was actually recorded in 1865. Of course, if you started to think that the movie is an actual recording, check yourself in because you've lost all touch with reality.

"Yes, my X-men movie made you forget all about the horrors that were X3 and Wolverine."

The movie may come off as a history lesson but it's an interesting one to learn. Combine this very enthralling story with a look and feel that appears very real and acting that can't be beat, The Conspirator is an amazing film that makes me very excited to see what other major events in our country's past The American Film Company will spearhead!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Limitless

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Limitless - 4 out of 5

So, the movie is about a drug that turns your brain power up to 11? The user has all synapses firing at full capacity all the time and one can use this increase in brain power to manipulate the system and get virtually anything and everything they want? Sign me up! However, it wouldn't be a movie is there wasn't a conflict that came with this drug.

Some fans of Firefly still can't handle the show was canceled.

Bradley Cooper of The Hangover wants a new drug and finds it in the form of NZT-48. He ends up going from a lazy, possibly dirty, writer with no real prospects--both career and relationship-wise--to something more. His girlfriend leaves him and he has a deadline he's clearly not going to make with his upcoming novel. However, a chance encounter with a man from his past hooks him up with the new miracle drug and he turns himself into a money-making, lady-laying machine. He rubs elbows with a powerful and extremely rich businessman (Robert De Niro) and also pisses off some already ornery Russians who want the drug. Cooper's character quickly finds himself in an orgy of money, drugs, more money, women, some more money, dudes out to kill him and finally, an additional sum of money. And all of this spells an awesome movie!

"Yes, I am Bradley Cooper and I'm more attractive than you'll ever be."

When I first sat down to watch this one, in the back of my mind I was wondering how exactly the film would be able to portray a person who's mind suddenly hits the nitrous and goes into overdrive but the use of clever scene composition and interesting use of special effects quickly punches the viewer in the face and you realize, "Holy shit, this man's mind now knows no bounds." Sequences after taking the drug will show Cooper along with another Cooper and sometimes a third Cooper in a single room all doing the activities needed to turn him from the cliche zero to Wall Street's version of a hero. This representation I found, along with a soundtrack that consisted heavily of The Black Keys, successfully created a visual representation of a mind on the verge of bursting out of a skull to take on the world by itself.

These creative visuals, killer soundtrack and tight editing are combined perfectly with the cast. Cooper does an amazing job and makes the character who's literally going from rags to riches and bitches believable. Originally, Shia LaBeouf was going to play this character and I 100% believe the movie would have been nearly 90% less of the greatness that Cooper brought to the role. The-one-time-nobody character of Eddie would have become the same stuttering douche bag that LaBeouf has somehow made a career of. But thankfully, LaDouche hurt his hand in a car accident and couldn't take the role. I'm an atheist but this occurrence truly makes me wonder if there isn't an invisible wizard in the sky guiding the world's actions...or at least making sure that once an awhile a terrible actor doesn't ruin a good movie.

"Where's your restroom?"

A great cast, killer story and all around awesome technical work, Limitless is nearly a perfect movie. Now, I'm going to stop this review, find me that drug and maybe use it to figure out a way where I can use this blog, my love of video games and my inability to get laid and turn it into something epic like Cooper in this one!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Rio

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Rio - 3 out of 5

Ice Age made both a lot of money for Fox and a franchise but once the ice melted, they needed to
go somewhere and Rio is one of the films it went with. The movie is about a rare macaw who is brought to Brazil in order to save his species but ends up becoming entangled in the criminal world of bird smuggling. This animated film hits all the marks you would think it would and ultimately the played out jokes and uninspired story ends up delivering a completely mediocre kid's film that Pixar wouldn't wipe their collective asses with.

The minute the film starts, it's clear that this movie was made just for a quick buck and, thanks to a tie-in with the wickedly popular video game Angry Birds, it was clearly made for marketing purposes and movie tie-ins. The story's downright cliche and the fact the film tries to hide this by loading it up with a lot of purdy colors screams that this movie was the brainchild of a plethora of suits out to make some sweet, sweet cash from video games, plushies and Happy Meal choke hazards. If the story isn't enough evidence, look at the cast.

First off, you have Jesse Eisenberg once again diving into his shallow pool to showcase the lack of depth he has as an actor. Going animated doesn't hide the fact he is still playing the social awkward nerd who, thinking he's witty and being ironic, is self-aware that he's social awkward. Me thinks Michael Cera was too busy to play the part so they got Eisenberg to play the bird Blu in RioLand. Next, it seems the filmmakers wanted to scrape the bottom of the barrel as they give roles (and way too many lines) to Will i Am and George Lopez. What's the deal? Was Carlos Mencia too busy? The only real talent and entertainment to come from the cast comes in the form of Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords playing the villain Nigel and Tracy Morgan providing a limited amount of laughs as the dog; Luiz. However, his introduction comes too late in the film to truly save it.

"Look for me in my next movie: Typecast: The Movie."

I know I sound like this is the worst animated movie to ever be created but that's just not true. The film does offer a very minimal amount of entertainment (unless you're really young, then the bright colors will entertain you more) and the very subtle commentary the film makes on bird smuggling is great but the reality is, the film just doesn't offer up enough to warrant anything more than a single viewing. The jokes are nothing but cliche cuts that have already been beating to death more than Dane Cook's entire routine and the story and characters can barely stay afloat in this puddle of a film. The movie will try and distract you from these very obvious defects by giving you some music and, despite a great tune by Clement, you have to realize that the majority of the other songs contain a Black Eyed Pea.

"I see what you did there."

Rio taught me many lessons but I will focus on two in order to close out this review. Number 1) if movies and TV have taught me anything, it seems people only find themselves going to Rio (whether by accident or on purpose) during Carnival. Apparently nothing else happens there that's worth mentioning or acknowledging. I guess the rampant prostitution, poverty and crime wouldn't have made an adequate film. Finally, Number 2) Pixar still remains the king of animated films. In fact, rumor is that Pixar canceled a project when this one came out because it too closely resembled a movie they were making. This idea makes the movie Rio even harder to watch because every single solitary second that passes on screen, there will be a little voice mumbling that Pixar could have succeed in making this a great film.

Childrens Hospital Seasons 1 &2

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Childrens Hospital Season 1 & 2 - 5 out of 5

It's never a surprise when Adult Swim comes out with a hilarious show but it is a surprise when the show originally started on TheWB.com. Wait, what?!? Warner Brothers was actually putting something on air that was funny? Well, Adult Swim came in and bought the rights and now this little program created by Rob Corddry lampooning such medical dramas as Grey's Anatomy and even Scrubs has found the perfect home!

The show is just absolutely hysterical and completely unapologetic in its offensive humor--and boy can this show get offensive. The series takes all the tidbits that makes all the cliche med dramas on TV and turns them on their ear--something Scrubs once did before it turned into the pretentious comedy it became after Zach Braff started to believe he was something he never was: Talented. Well, Childrens Hospital takes what Scrubs used to be and takes it even further with its absurdist comedy that doesn't fail to entertain.

"I fell down every episode. That's funny, right? Right?"

The only real downside of the show would have to be the characters of Lola and Cat. Occasionally I found these two funny but the fact that the actress portraying the characters play them exactly the same, and I found I wasn't able to tell one from the other--and the actresses don't even look alike!!! Finally, Megan Mullally is in this show and while there are a few times she actually makes me laugh, most of the time it's the usual Mullally where she tries way WAYYYY too hard to be funny and ends up coming off as a bumbling mess. I will never understand her appeal. However, these two complaints are so minor because when you see the show in action, it's easy to forget the bad when you're laughing at all the good. Add to that a cast of amazing comedians like Rob Corddry, Rob Huebel, Ken Marino and Henry Winkler, it's hard NOT to like this show.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Priest

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Priest - 3 out of 5

I've read a couple of the graphic novels this film is an adaptation of but I wouldn't call myself a dedicated reader. However, I've read enough of them going into it that I was mostly familiar with the property's mythology. So, when the trailers came out I wouldn't say I was overly excited to see it but there was a very definitive desire to go and see this one in the theaters. However, being a poor man that I am, I didn't get a chance to see it but I did read the horribly scathing reviews it got. Judging by the 17% it has on Rotten Tomatoes, I sat down expecting to see Catwoman but, instead, I found a mildly entertaining film that, for the most part, I feel was unjustly burned by the critics.

Priest takes place in an alternate world that looks like the bi-product of a sweaty night between steampunk and a spaghetti
western where mankind and a non-sparkling and actually threatening version of vampires are at war. In an effort to stop the madness, the church (really, the church is trying to stop madness? I thought that's what they were built upon) gathers a group of warriors to take on this threat and save humanity. However, a victim of a failed attack from days passed ends up unburied from the past to reek new havoc on the world of men with a seemingly unstoppable army of vamps.

Paul Bettany plays the hero of the film and that, right off the bat, spells awesome. Bettany is a fantastic actor and recently showed that he can be a legitimate bad-ass. His starring role as the warrior of the cloth also lends an air of humor to the film because Bettany is an atheist. That aside, he did a great job and matching him on the other side of the film's coin, playing the film's antagonist is Karl Urban as a slick monster in a duster and wide-brim hat raining chaos on the wastelands of the film's world.

The movie offers up great action sequences, tight editing and a very slick presentation with fantastic special effects, costumes and set design. However, the film doesn't have much in common with the graphic novel and that can alienate fans of the series. The movie also doesn't have much in the story department as it isn't much different from some other films that are out there. Vampires have become the dead horse that Hollywood is beating into oblivion.

These minor complaints aside, the film is entertaining enough to check out but not enough to do so again. Paul Bettany and Karl Urban are great in their roles but a lack of decent characters around them and Cam Gigandet phoning it in as the character of Hicks really hurts the film. But that shouldn't be surprising since Gigandet was in
Twilight. It's not like that film was looking for talent. It also seems that the filmmakers behind this one were trying to fill the supporting roles with people who've been in other vampire-related media as it also has Bill from True Blood making a small appearance. Overall, Priest isn't the best comic book adaptation that's been put out there but it isn't the worst either. Even though the film diverges a great deal away from the comic series, the film is still mildly entertaining.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Louie Season 1

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Louie Season 1 - 5 out of 5

Louis C.K. is perhaps, in my opinion, one of the best stand up comics working today. Being a struggling comedian myself, seeing Louis in action keeps the fire in my belly raging and keeps me
begging for work, taking my licks at open mics and watching those around me still doing Michael Jackson's dead, airline food and viagra jokes actually make a career for themselves and NOT have the desire to take a flying leap off the tallest building I can find. I really enjoyed Lucky Louie even though I can't afford HBO and had to watch it on DVD--believe it or not, being a stand up comedian and writing a blog reviewing whatever DVD I'm watching doesn't really have me diving into the Scrooge McDuck money vault like some people would believe. So, when I heard that Louis was returning to TV and on FX of all networks (one of my favorite networks and the one that is kicking ass in the entertainment department right now), I was beyond excited to an emotion that exists on the fringe of enjoyment but hasn't been classified by modern science.


Facepalming: The reaction done after hearing Dane Cook try to be funny.

Right off the bat, the show is much different from the "live in front of a studio audience" sitcom send-up that was Lucky Louie. Instead, the show is a gritty fantasized adventures of Louis C.K. in his everyday struggle of being a single dad and a stand up comic. Even more interesting is the fact the show lacks the standard twenty-plus minute story arc that you see in every other show out there. Instead, the show will be two stand alone stories (that may occasionally come together) with some of Louis on stage in-between. Now pile on that the fact the entire season lacks a common formula (also very unique for a television show). Episodes will vary from dark, twisted tales that seem to have jumped out of the brain of Hunter S. Thompson to something completely off-the-wall and silly. Sometimes stories take serious turns that show true heart and emotion from the funny man and sometimes stories are just raunchy--filled with garish yarns being woven on subjects like jerking off, blowjobs and shit--all of this is topped with the overall theme of being funny. Whether the humor is derived from depravity or it's derived from real situations that people can relate to or just from a farcical jumble of madness, the show is downright hilarious. It all seems like chaos but the reality is, the show is put together so well, it's easy to lose yourself in each episode.

I can't be the only one who wanted to see more of Todd Barry in the show.

With Louis C.K. at the forefront of every show, fantastic cameos by great comedians like Nick DiPaolo, Godfrey, Toddy Barry and Jim Norton and unbelievably entertaining cameos by atheist funnyman (and one of my top comedians I enjoy); Ricky Gervais, Ferris Beuller and the man unfortunately married to a horse (I kid, I'm sure Sarah Jessica Parker has a great personality); Matthew Broderick (seriously Matt, you're too talented to be with Sarah) and the ALWAYS hilarious Stephen Root, this show has no shortage of great cast members--even Pamela Adlon (who played Louis' wife in Lucky Louie) shows up. With all this talent and the writing, it's hard not to find something to enjoy in this show.

If you haven't seen these two in action in The Invention of Lying, you must...right now!!!

Louie is a show that comedians really get a kick out of because we can relate to much of the stories going on--like Louis destroying a heckler on stage and having the heckler tell him afterwards that as an audience member, she is suppose to heckle (by the way, in case you were wondering, audience members are NOT suppose to heckle)--every comedian who has ever performed has heard and dealt with this one. That aside, anyone can sit down and relate to the stories Louis C.K. is going through and find the funny among the hell his fictionalized real self is going through. Except maybe when his date ended with the girl running off and hopping on a helicopter to escape him--I don't think that's happened to many of us, I did have a girl threaten suicide when I asked her out but she didn't run off into a helicopter--but the times when the show goes crazy like that almost feels like a reality check--as if the show doesn't want to get too real and stops short of Louis himself yelling at you through the screen saying, "Hey, asshole, it's just a show, fucking laugh!!!"

Could this picture be any more arousing--I mean, hilarious! I meant hilarious.

The format for Louie is quite different than 90% of other comedies on TV--and that's a good thing. There's no laugh track to tell you when to laugh like a CBS comedy and since it's not on Fox's regular broadcast channel and on it's cable network instead, it won't be cancelled like another awesome unique comedy that was taken away from us too soon (*cough, Arrested Development, cough*). If you go in expecting Lucky Louie, Louie has the potential to disappoint. However, if you go in with expectations for something different and just want to enjoy seeing Louis C.K. in action, Louie will NOT let you down.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Kenny Hotz's Triumph of the Will Season 1

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Kenny Hotz's Triumph of the Will Season 1 - 5 out of 5

As I stated in my review of Spenny's new show Single White Spenny, I believe that he and his partner from Kenny vs. Spenny have pulled a Kaufman-like maneuver and took their routine of competition into a new arena. Their new competition? Who can create the better TV show? And clearly, and not surprisingly, Kenny wins!

The opening for the first episode...a naked Kenny in the desert.

Unlike Spenny's show, Kenny doesn't go the stage sitcom route. Instead, he puts himself in the real world and issues his own personal challenges for him to overcome--basically, he's competing against the only person who can actually pose a challenge; himself. After six seasons of Kenny vs. Spenny, it was clear Spencer Rice was no real competitor to him so, Mr. Kenneth Hotz had to take himself on and see if he can, well, triumph over his own personal will. Triumph in such cases as going from having nothing to something in Las Vegas, find love for his mother and, in one case, see if he could be a cannibal. I'm not kidding with that last one.

Yes, he really tried to be a cannibal for an episode. And yes, that's a tooth.

The Kenny we all came to know and love is here (not a poorly acted character of himself like Spenny did in Single White Spenny), albeit slightly toned down and more real than his over-the-top self in KvS. However, that doesn't mean he isn't as offensive and as hilarious as he's been. In fact, the show feels like an evolution--like Kenny has leveled up in the Role Playing Game of life and came out a slightly newer and slightly better dude! Even the camera work and editing (done by most of Kenny's old crew from KvS) seems to have been upgraded with the XP they got on their previous 6 years of work. High def cameras and an editing style that can only be compared to an independent film really creates a new style that I was digging through all six episodes.

Is Kenny auditioning for a Werner Herzog or Harmony Korine film?

Watching Kenny travel the world in an effort to prove that he can overcome his greatest threat--himself--was just addicting and actually offered real laughs. Kenny's antics were hilarious and entertaining and I wasn't watching this show with the same morbid curiosity and perversity I held onto while watching the butthole puckering Single White Spenny. I didn't watch Triumph of the Will just to see an actor crash and burn because he couldn't write or act, I watched it because Kenny is truly an artist. And I don't mean an artist like Lady Gaga. Kenny Hotz isn't ripping off the comedian's equivalent of Madonna or producing hits that contain the same beat with different lyrics inserted--no, he produced something new that contains just enough reminiscence of actions past where you are filled with a sense of nostalgia but are excited to see what new adventures he's going to go on in an effort to best himself. This show was so good that if, and I think it's a big IF, the show wasn't a challenge amongst himself and Spenny, I want to see this show make a long run in the world of television.

Single White Spenny Season 1

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Single White Spenny Season 1 - 3 out of 5

Even though Kenny Hotz and Spencer Rice didn't go into a 7th season of Kenny vs. Spenny, I am 100% convinced the show is continuing on in the real world. Their challenge: See which one can create the better show. Kenny's got his new show on Action called Kenny Hotz's Triumph of the Will (look for my review of that one soon) and Spenny's got Single White Spenny on Showcase. And after only sitting through the first round, I am going to give this contest to Kenny. Prepare for your humiliation Spenny.



The story of this show revolves around a fictionalized/sensationlized real life adventures of Spencer "Spenny" Rice. The show takes place after his divorce (something that really happened to him) and follows him as he tries to find love in his life. What the show delivers is exactly what you would expect from the neurotic one if you've watched even a single episode of KvS. There isn't a single joke that will make you laugh. There isn't a single actor who is passable--even Spenny, playing himself, is completely incapable of delivering a line and there isn't a single character that is enjoyable to watch. In fact, most of them are completely lifeless stand ins of one-dimensional characters you would expect in a by-the-numbers sitcom that only Spenny would think is one-of-a-kind. You have Spenny's mother who is an emotionally abusive drunk. You have Spenny's best friend who is the intellectual of the show but is belittling and downright mean to the individual she calls her "best friend." Finally, you have Spenny's wacky neighbor who comes in the form of a guy who, at first, you would believe to be the "fat comic relief" but actually comes off as a blank sheet of paper who takes on traits of various cliche characters--depending, of course, on what is needed for that episode.

The show overall feels like Spenny bought a book or went to a over-priced emposium that told him how a sitcom is suppose to work because each episode hits marks that only an idiot trying to scam an audience would say are marks a writer is suppose to hit. It is this completely unfunny and almost tragic dish served onto the television that convinces me completely that Kenny and Spenny were able to convince the higher ups in the ivory towers of the Canadian broadcasting castle to even allow this show to be put on the air in order to see who the viewers like more.



At this point, you are probably wondering why I gave the show a middle-of-the-road rating since it sounds like I hate it so much. And you're right, I do hate it...but I love to hate it. Believe it or not, I'm a fan of Spenny. Not the guy by himself but with his pairing with his best friend Kenny. Spenny provided me with hours and hours of laughs on KvS and continues to make me laugh when I re-watch the show. However, the trainwreck that is this show is also entertaining on a level that Spenny may or may not have intended (depending on if this sitcom was a legit try at a career beyond Kenny or not). The poor writing and the lack of even a semblance of a joke becomes funny itself. I found myself laughing at all the wrong points in this show and it just reminds me of how nuts he was every week he and his roommate did f'ed up activities to prove who is the better competitor. Even though I haven't watch Kenny's new show and can truly claim Kenny won this latest challenge, I still have to say it, I think Spenny is getting the humilation for this.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens - 1 out of 5

I'm not a fan of Russ Meyer because skin flicks don't entertain me. I love the female form and really love it when it lacks clothing but gratuitous nudity doesn't do it for me when I watch a film and gratuitous nudity is what Meyer was all about. While I don't enjoy his films, I do recommend you read the biography on the man because he lead an interesting life. Anyway, film critic Roger Ebert is a big fan of Meyer and, like most critics, he was a failed writer who somehow was able to get together with the filmmaker who had a molester-stache before the molester-stache was in and started to write some movies for him. Then, in continuing with the failed writer aspect of his life, the movies he wrote with Meyer only had an impact on the cult culture and never launch Ebert into Hollywood as a legitimate film writer so he did what was expected of him, he became a jaded and angry film critic who tears down other people's movie despite the fact the movies he wrote were utter crap. Now I fully realize that my blog is me critiquing movies and sometime I'm downright scathing but the reality is that while a part of me is bathed in hypocrisy, a larger part of me isn't out to make it in Hollywood as a writer.

If I saw these two driving around in a windowless van, I wouldn't be surprised.

Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens went on to become Meyer's final theatrical release and what he churned out was a film that felt more like a spastic colon, firing fecal matter all over the celluloid rather than a piece of work that resembles some sort of organization. The story is, if you can keep up with it as the editing seems to have been done by someone with a short attention span, seems to be about a sex starved wife who has a husband that has a problem...mainly he likes to anal rape any female he can get his hands on. In an effort to get some regular, mom and pop style vaginal sex from her man, this woman takes a job as a stripper and when that fails (how could that plan not have worked?) decides to take her husband to a large breasted radio preacher who goes to use her faith healing on the butt raper. How does she faith heal him? By raping him. That's right, this film is sour with the theme of rape--the wife even does her share of raping as she forces herself on an underage boy.

Okay, I'm not going to get Freudian on this film and suggest that Roger Ebert gets off on rape fantasies but I will say this: Seeing what he writes and helped bring to the silver screen, I now understand why he hates nearly every film that he reviews. It's because he has a very, VERY specific film style he enjoys. But the one thing this movie (and I plan on watching another Russ Meyer and Ebert collaboration; Beyond the Valley of the Dolls because I'm a glutton for torture) taught me is that I can't take Ebert seriously as a critic.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Tekken

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Tekken - 1 out of 5

I've never been a fan of fighting games. I'm am plain just not good at them. I always found myself just button mashing and hoping that I will somehow pull off a "GET OVER HERE!" So, needless to say, I never really played the game Tekken or its sequels but when I heard it was made into a movie, my mind raced back to the hilarity I endured while watching Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Street Fighter and D.O.A.: Dead or Alive and I instantly realized I had to watch this movie. However, by the time the credits ran, I heard the voice of Shang Tsung telling me to "Finish Him!" I assume Tsung was talking about the DVD but since I rented it from Redbox, I wasn't about to destroy it and have to pay for the damages.

"High Five."

In the not too distant future, all governments are gone and the world is run by corporations (is that really in the not too distant future?). In this wild and crazy future, the unwashed masses are addicted to a television show called Iron Fist (No, not the character from Marvel comics). Well, this little show is a tournament when oily dudes battle it out in an arena--not unlike the Octagon in the UFC, only there's less rednecks in the crowd. Among the madness of a government-less world, a young man named Jin losses his mother when a raid occurs in the slums. Grief-stricken and angry, he works to get in the tournament and pummel out his rage with his fists.

If Uwe Boll directed Tekken, Roger Jr. would have been in it.

Being that this film was based on a video game and didn't receive national release in the States, I was hoping that this movie would be a cheese-fest for me to laugh at but it turns out, it was just boring. When the sequences of the film enter the arena, the film starts to take a Uwe Boll turn and the rotten stench of movie cheese starts to appear in the air but these sequences are so short, the curds barely has time to settle. I can't believe I'm saying this but I wished Uwe Boll directed this just so I could have enjoyed myself and laugh my ass off. And to make matters worse, the film was directed by the guy who made Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid and Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. How did this movie not end up being a stinky piece of crap to laugh at?

"Finish him--oops, wrong role."

The disappointment I suffered at the hands of Tekken is truly unique and all its own. Going into the film, I wanted a movie that looked and felt like the 2nd Mortal Kombat film. The kind of movie that is so bad that you know, through some miracle of ignorance, there were actual people involved in the making process that either thought it was great or that people would actual swallow the giant turd they just fashioned and unleashed on viewing audiences. Instead, what I got was a slow movie snore-fest that seemed to take itself too seriously but then would put crap like this into it...

"The skimpy outfits help us fight better."


I know it's strange to sit down and find out that I actually wanted a cheesy bad movie but I love bad movies and, let's face it, some video game adaptations can't become decent films even if you had a team of the most talented filmmakers working on it.

The Warrior's Way

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Warrior's Way - 3 out of 5

Westerns and martial arts films shockingly go together in an equivalent of peanut butter and chocolate. No one proved this more than one of the greatest directors/writers of our time than Quentin Tarantino. His homage to the world of 70's Kung Fu films and spaghetti westerns thrown together in an orgy of entertainment he called Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Vol. 2 is the near embodiment of how well these two genres can work together. The Warrior's Way is another attempt to make these two film classifications dance in perfect sync.


That was the plan anyway.

A warrior destined to become the world's greatest swordsman refuses to kill the last remaining
member of a tribe and is now on the run from his own clan. But can you blame the guy? The last remaining tribesman was a wee widdle baby. So, our warrior, with baby in hand, flees to a small American town in the Old West were he finds that no one truly escapes his past--all the while trying to help the town folks with their own set of problems with a former resident.

For the most part, the movie isn't half bad. I really
dug the style the movie presented itself as--the over-the-top action and its overly emphasized background and environments really made the movie something nice to look at. The film's star Dong-gun Jang (who plays the warrior on the run) really did a great job of playing the mysterious warrior-type and, for the most part, came off as a legitimate bad-ass and backing him up was the always entertaining Geoffrey Rush playing a drunk marksman who never misses. Add to this mix Danny Huston playing the sadistic character of The Colonel and you have the potential to be a downright fun flick.

"I smell booze."

However, the film suffers from poor construction as a majority of the film's backstory is told through flashbacks narrated by the film's star; Jang. This just comes off as an extra layer of laziness on a film that already had the feel of a fish flopping on the ground out of water as it can't quite get the mix of western and martial arts right and often can't tell if it's going to be tongue and cheek or not. Things only get worse when the wayward warrior named Yang arrives in the ghost town and we find Kate Bosworth is going to be his love interest. I honestly didn't know what was more unbearable: Her inability to be convincing or the terrible, phony accent she sports. But then again, it's not like I expected much from the girl who ruined the role of Lois Lane.

Master the actual art of acting before you attempt it with a blindfold, Bosworth.

Despite the film's obvious downfalls, The Warrior's Way definitely has its moments. The action is slick and is nearly to the point you can ignore the flaws the movie contains. But once the action stops, the swords point towards the ground, the gun barrels stop smoking and the blood slowly ends its constant dripping into the sand, Kate Bosworth opens her mouth and you start to wish for that strain of dysentery that ran rampant on The Oregon Trail.

Endangered Species

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Endangered Species - 1 out of 5

Do you remember when I reviewed the movie Pinocchio's Revenge? You don't? Well, here's a link to it...http://revronmovies.blogspot.com/2011/06/pinocchios-revenge.html.

Anyway, when I watched that film, I pointed out that one of the things the good ole World Wide Web
talked about was the film's shower sequence. Despite the rest of the film lacking nudity, this scene offered up a "nothing will be hidden" sequence that really felt out of place in the film. However, after reading up on the writer/director, I discovered that he loves putting naked boobies in his film and then phones in the rest of the project. So, while checking out his IMDb page, I discovered he did a film in 2003 called Endangered Species that starred the Mummy from The Mummy and Gimli from The Lord of the Rings. But what really struck me was the fact that Eric Roberts was in it and if you know bad movies, you know that if Mr. Roberts is in it, it's going to be an awesome bad movie that will be a guarantee for entertainment. Sadly, that wasn't the case with Endangered Species.



"Why indeed I'm a more entertaining actor than my sister."

The movie is about two aliens who are on Earth: One is here to kill our species and the other is here to protect us. The movie opens with the bad alien slaughtering a workout facility full of toned bodies (and yes, there is even a shower scene during this sequence, in case you were wondering). The resulting slaughter causes the police to get involved and Eric Roberts takes it upon himself to figure out what the aliens are doing and why humanity has to be in the middle of this ruckus.

I so badly wanted this film to be one of those awesomely bad movies but it just didn't happen. First off, the DVD showcases this alien on its cover but at no point do you actually see this creature. Finally, this film just doesn't deliver the bad acting and weak story that most crummy sci-fi films bring. Don't get me wrong, the acting and story are terrible but they are just regular terrible--not fun terrible like in Sharktopus (also starring Eric Roberts) or Mega Piranha. Instead, the film is dry, boring and saltine cracker-like in its bland tasteless delivery. All the actors come off like their doing it for check and there's none of the over-acting types who think this will be their big break like you get to see in other B-films. Add that with absolutely pointless nudity and you have yourself a film that you feel too sorry for to make fun of.

Pure Luck

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Pure Luck - 3 out of 5

Martin Short is the type of actor/physical comedian who you either enjoy or don't and sometimes, for those who enjoy him, he can only be entertaining in small doses...but that is usually the case with physical comedians who's actions seem to be fueled by a direct shot of adrenaline. I, myself, enjoy Martin Short in some of his appearances...others, not so much.

Not Funny Martin Short

Very Funny Martin Short

Back in 1991, a little comedy called Pure Luck hit the scenes and it saw Martin Short and Danny Glover team together to track down the bad luck enriched daughter of a wealthy businessman. The
catch? Martin Short's character suffers from the same bad luck. What follows is a pretty tame, family friendly comedy that showcases that even in 1991 Glover was still too old for this shit and Short can sometimes come off as trying too hard. I'm not saying I hated this movie--I won't because this DVD is nearly impossible to find and I had to go to a lot of work just to revisit this one. There are times when this movie comes off genuinely funny but never to the point I was busting a gut or even doing one of the "LOL" things the kids are so fond of doing. Pure Luck is one of those rare comedies that the entire family, even the .5 child in the 3.5 kids, can enjoy. Nothing too raunchy or risky, just some mildly amusing jokes that involve Short falling down.