Thursday, March 31, 2011

Archer Season 1

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Archer Season 1 - 5 out of 5

FX is the network to turn to right now as they have some of the best shows out there and Archer is no exception. Just an absolutely hilarious show about a spy network with a terrific cast of actors bringing life to the characters. Most notably, H. Jon Benjamin voicing the title character. There's really not much else to say about this show other than it's offensive, violent and vulgar--but that's why it's hilarious as hell. But should this really be a surprise? It was, in fact, made by Adam Reed, the guy who brought as the Adult Swim favorites Sealab 2021 and Frisky Dingo. Add in the fact that alumni from Arrested Development like Jessica Walter, Jeffrey Tambor and Judy Greer provide voices and the creator of the show himself describes the series as "James Bond meets Arrested Development," what's not to like?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

127 Hours

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

127 Hours - 5 out of 5

**Further Disclaimer**This review may contain spoilers. Although between you, me and the blog, they shouldn't qualify as spoilers since Ralston's story has been covered quite extensively and if you don't know how his story ended, you've probably been living under a rock--although not the one that pinned him to a wall.

Tales of survival and entertainment are no strangers. They've had a close relationship for a long time but rarely are they brought to the screen in a way that is realistic. 127 Hours is as close to reality as you will see a film about survival comes--in fact, the man who the story is based upon said that the facts of the movie were so close to reality, that it was nearly a documentary.

The movie follows the true story of mountain climber Aron Ralston who, while navigating the cliffs and caverns of Utah, gets his arm stuck between a bolder and a cliff wall. Ultimately the movie ends with Ralston cutting off his own arm in order to get free but this is really just the icing on the cake as the film throws you down the emotional spiral that Ralston goes through during his torturous time spent trapped.

James Franco delivers--like a boss--as Ralston. Honestly, Franco is amazing in everything he plays. No matter if it was when he was out-acting Tobey Maguire in the Spider-man films or being the only thing entertaining about the stoner flop Pineapple Express, the guy can act the SHIT out of any part and this film is no exception. The man has a certain charm he can extrude that makes you easily believe he is the part he's playing.

To top off this movie, it's direct by one of the most versatile directors I can think of, Danny Boyle. This guy has made movies about infected killing machines, scientists on a mission to restart the sun, heroin addicts and even an American Bollywood film. Boyle brings this movie to the screen in a way that you, for every second of the film, experience the pain, anguish and a Gollum/Smeagol-style insanity that Ralston goes through. Through amazing camera work that throws you directly into the face of a dying man, tight editing and some amazing music, Boyle did such an amazing job in the director's chair, I really question the Academy's decision of NOT giving him Best Director this year.

Going into 127 Hours, I had neither high, nor low expectations. I didn't read or pay attention to the hype that surrounded this movie and, after watching, I see the critics were right as this movie was just amazing as it put me through a roller coaster of emotion. I highly recommend this one.

Return to the House on Haunted Hill

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Return to the House on Haunted Hill - 2 out of 5

Alright, I'm going to make this one short and sweet because this film is the epitome of a sequel that didn't need to get made so I don't want to give it too much attention.

Starting off, in 1959 a little film was released on the world called House on Haunted Hill and it starred Vincent Price as an eccentric money man who dares 5 people to spend one night in a haunted house. The film was clever and while it wasn't outright scary, it was creepy and offered the viewer a choice at the end: Even with the knowledge you have, was the house haunted or not? Then, in 1999, the film was remade with the incredibly talented Geoffrey Rush taking over for Price. What was delivered was--and you won't hear me say this often--a pretty decent remake. The film wasn't as ambiguous in the way the first one ended but what it gave us was a genuinely creepy and very uniquely crafted piece of work. It should have ended at that but in 2007, a direct-to-DVD sequel of the remake was produced called Return to the House on Haunted Hill.

The only thing I can really say about this film is that it just plain didn't need to be made. While the acting is decent and, for the most part, it keeps the creepy feel of the remake, the story isn't good enough to warrant its existence. The story of the original and the remake were unique but this film just dives into silliness as it sees people going into Hill House after a priceless idol (isn't there an archeologist professor that does that?) and this idol is the "heart" of the house. I'm not kidding, that's the story.

The High Definition release of this film (remember HD-DVDs? Blu-Ray beat them in that competition) offers a "Choose Your Own Adventure" style of viewing this movie that might make it worth seeing but sadly, I only got to see the regular version on old fashion DVD. However, the story was so lame that I won't even bother searching out a Blu-Ray version in order to take advantage of that feature.

While there is some aspects that work in this movie, the story is so weak that all it does is proves that not all films need a sequel.

Breeders (1997)

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Breeders - 1 out of 5

Before I start my review, I need to emphasize that this film has nothing to do with the other film I reviewed last month that shared the same name. This film is not a remake despite the fact that the names are exactly the same and they share the same basic story. Like the other movie, this one is about an alien out to be a baby daddy to many MANY ladies but the two biggest differences between this film and the other one is the fact that there is very little nudity in this one and this time around, the alien lands at a all women's college where, apparently, there are only about two dozen students since you never seen more than that around campus.

Normally, B-horror films (especially ones about aliens trying to breed with human females) contains A LOT of gratuitous nudity but this one had a surprising lack of it. Instead, this movie replaces all the potential boob shots with a single dare. A dare that challenges you to stay awake in this boring film. There's no real characters or real story going on here and all the actors seem either bored to death with their role or they think this is the break they've been looking for. The alien isn't that bad of a design but when your bad film lacks an interesting story and action, the alien just isn't enough to keep me interested. I'm usually not for gratuitous nudity but, in this case, this movie needed it badly.

Like the alien babies the unfortunately ladies are surrogate mothers to, this film should have been aborted.

Tangled

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Tangled - 3 out of 5

I'm actually surprised that Disney hasn't already done a film on Rapunzel. The company has never been known for its originality (Pixar is the only thing at Disney that's capable of doing something that hasn't already been done) and they've pretty much grabbed up every other fairy tale property that has ever exist, so why did this one slip past Mickey's giant reach for so long?

The answer to that question doesn't really matter because Disney has let down her long hair and unleashed Tangled on the world and unlike their previous "princess" film (The Princess and the Frog) this one wasn't a total disappointment. (Yeah, I wasn't a fan of TPatF)

One of Disney's most expensive animated "princess" films and the first to be done in 3D animation, Tangled was, to my surprise, kinda entertaining. All the problems I have with all the other "princess" stories are found here: Overemphasis on appearance as the hero of the story has to be of the handsome persuasion and he and the princess fall in love way WAYYYY too quickly--which, as every adult who uses common sense watching these films will realize that their love will never work because it's based solely on appearance. But these problems aside, I walked away thinking that it wasn't the worst Disney film (but not the best either).

The story is your typical Disney cliche and the character designs are the same we've come to known for...well, ever since Disney started making "princess" movies. Rapunzel's love interest, the thief Flynn Rider, looks just like Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid, the only difference is they added some facial hair to Flynn (but props to Disney for naming him Flynn in honor of Errol Flynn). Also, the songs in this film, unlike some past Disney films that gave us greats like "Under the Sea" and "Be Our Guest," the songs are kinda forgettable and some even seem to sound like songs we've heard before (one sounded suspiciously like "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid). However, the film offers some great animation and top notch voice acting from Mandy Moore, Ron Perlman, M.C. Gainey, Jeffrey Tambor, Brad Garrett and many more.

Yes, we all know the story and, true to Disney fashion, they didn't really try anything creative but unlike the last "princess" film the money-loving mouse unleashed into the world, adults won't feel like their intelligence is being insulted as the jokes in the film aren't just obnoxious characters falling over themselves (sure those jokes are there but they aren't assaulting you ever two seconds like in The Princess and the Frog). While this isn't the most entertaining Disney film, it is just good enough for adults to watch with kids or even enjoy by themselves.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Good, the Bad, the Weird

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Good, the Bad, the Weird - 4 out of 5

Take a western and set it in Manchuria during the 1930's and add in some awesome action sequences and really REALLY cool characters, you have yourself the South Korean Western film The Good, the Bad, the Weird.

The film revolves around three very different gunslingers. You got The Bad--a hired hitman, The Good--a bounty hunter and The Weird--a thief. The movie opens with The Weird robbing a train and then all hell breaks loose and you're instantly put on the ride of your life. The opening sequence alone with the train sets the bar for the film and it never stops delivering. The film continues as The Weird gets his hands on a treasure map that becomes the object of desire for not only The Bad and The Good but the entire Japanese and Korean army as well.

While the story may be simple, the characters are just fantastic and the action sequences are put together like a piece of art as they have a very unique flow to them. Also, the action sequences are long--but never to the point they get tedious and boring. With action sequences as good as this movie delivers (and it brings them to the screen with some tight editing, awesome camera work and great music) the simple story doesn't hamper the movie. But then again, not all films have to have a complicated story--in fact, sometimes when an action film's story has too much going on, plot points can be forgotten. Isn't that right, The Expendables?

The Good, the Bad, the Weird is one of those unique action films that mixes genres to make something that is truly entertaining and original. I highly recommend checking this film out and it more than deserves a 4 out of 5.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Weekend at Bernie's II

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Weekend at Bernie's II - 1 out of 5

The dead man is back and it's time for another wacky adventure. Wait, did I say "wacky?" Because I meant to say "it's time for a completely pointless sequel to a film I was totally bored with."

Besides a few story changes, Weekend at Bernie's II isn't much different from the first one. Jonathon Silverman is giving his typical performance that would be the inspiration for David Schwimmer's entire life and Andrew McCarthy is still annoying as all hell. These two extremely unlikeable characters team up to get a bunch of cash that the dead man (Bernie) left behind and, with the help of some voodoo, they're able to follow the corpse who walks/dances to the money's location. I'm not kidding, that's the storyline but when you take into consideration that the film revolves around a dead guy, there's at least some semblance of creativity going on there.

Like the first time around, the laughs are generic and cheesy but at least there isn't a necrophilia joke like in the last one--I'll give the movie that. I didn't enjoy the first one and, clearly, I didn't enjoy this one but, I can say this, at least there was a shot of some boobs in this movie that made me walk away from it saying, "at least it wasn't a total wash." Yep, that sums up the movie for me...a single scene of two girls losing their tops for a split second is the only enjoyment I found.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies Go to College - 2 out of 5

Ah, college. An institution of higher learning where young minds can find themselves and become better prepared for their future and a career of their choosing. It's also becomes a cliche setting for many, many movies.

If you've seen the other Ghoulies films, you might (or might not) agree with me that they are some cheesy, cheesy films (the first one especially--it looks like it was done by a person high on coke and possibly some sort of hallucinogenic). Well, the third installment seems like the filmmakers saw the previous two and stated, "Challenge Accepted," and decided to see how strange they can go. So, naturally, they put the story on a college campus. I guess this way it's just easier to justify the nudity.

Like all films that are centered around college, the focus on this film is slutty co-eds, lots of drinking and frats during prank week (because apparently that's the only time when interesting things happen to center a movie around). If you've really been to college, it's not just a 24-hour party as the movies show. In fact, if there was a movie depicting real college life, we would see the unwashed roommate, the LAN parties for the guys like me who got no action, girls in pajama pants in class and the frat dudes drinking beer in the shower.

So, in the third installment of this incredibly mediocre franchise, the ghoulies are summoned by the Dean of Students and he uses them to extract revenge on the two fraternities that make his life a living hell during Prank Week. What follows is cartoonish mayhem with absolutely no gore and then some naked ladies thrown in to make things interesting (or viewable, I don't know which). The film tries (unsuccessfully) to make the ghoulies funny by giving them voices and having them spout off as many lame one-liners as they can (something tells me there was a bet won somewhere by this) but when your actors can show about as much emotion as the puppets that are the little ghouls, it's not surprising that ANY part of this film is not absolutely atrocious.

I guess in the end, I just didn't care at all about this movie. The story centers around two fraternities trying to outdo each other in a prank war and, being a geek, I spent more time getting beat up by the frat-boy douche bag brahs that compose a fraternity so, through out the entire movie, I found myself wondering why I should care about these characters. Despite the barely passable acting of the actors, the characters show no redeeming qualities as human beings as they party, drink and treat women like playthings with tits. In fact, even the ghoulies treat the women in this film as eye candy so I found myself wondering what the difference was between those little monsters and the ghoulies (eh, see what I did there? I called the frat boys 'little monsters'). Aside from some tasty nudity (and by tasty, I mean enjoyable, not artsy), the film offers some laughs in the fact this movie just plain sucks. That fact alone kept me from flushing this turd completely and left it spinning in the bowl with a 2 out of 5 (if you've seen any of the Ghoulies movies, you'll understand why I went with a toilet bowl reference at the end.)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dead Space: Aftermath

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Dead Space: Aftermath - 3 out of 5

In an effort to bridge the stories between the first and second video game, the animated film Dead Space: Aftermath was produced in the same way to provide a prologue to the first game, Dead Space: Downfall was made.

Just like the first animated film, Dead Space: Aftermath contains both 2D and 3D animation and, also like the first one, this one has some terrible 3D work. In the previous film, 3D animation was limited to only spaceships and planets, so the bad animation was forgivable but this one uses 3D animation on the characters as if to constantly poke the viewer in the eye with its ugliness and the end results makes the classic cartoon show Reboot look like a piece of exquisite art. Seriously, the 3D animation here is ugly and insulting because of the technology we have. There is no reason whatsoever that 3D animation, in this day and age, should look like something produced in the early 90's.

The 3D animated sequences are used as the "current" events taking place in the film and when the characters in the story recount their individual stories of survival, the film goes into 2D animation and that is where the movie shines! Each story has it's own individual look and despite the heavy influence of anime (if you know me, you know I hate anime) these sections of the film are intensely entertaining.

Unlike the last film, there's actually a decent story and excellent characters going on here. The first film put too much emphasis on action and gore so the rest of the film was filled with generic characters that were about as deep as a kiddie pool (maybe even shallower). In this one, however, the characters have more depth and you start to have a vested interest in them as a viewer. That being said, that doesn't mean the movie skips out on the action and blood--Oh no, it's got that in spades.

With a better story, better characters, great voice acting and some great 2D animation and style, Dead Space: Aftermath greatly improves on the problems that plagued the first one but some absolutely atrocious and downright ugly 3D animation really REALLY hurts this film and causes it to land on a 3 out of 5.

Gamebox 1.0

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Gamebox 1.0 0 - 3 out of 5

Sit down my little one and I shall tell you a tale:

A young video game tester named Charlie Nash is broken up after his girlfriend is gunned down by a drug-addict cop. He's having a very difficult time dealing and becomes more and more reclusive from his friends until one day a mysterious package comes to his apartment. Inside is the Gamebox 1.0, a revolutionary video game system that actually puts Charlie into the game and he has to save a digital copy of his love and destroy an equally digital copy of the man who killed her.

That's the story of Gamebox 1.0 and what you actually see is about EXACTLY as cheesy as you think it would be. This film offers some of the worst special effects and acting you'll ever see in a bad movie--BUT there in lies why I gave this movie a 3 out of 5. It is so bad, it easily becomes one of those great bad movies to watch with your buddies and laugh your rear ends off. Right out of the gate, you'll be laughing as the film's protagonist looks like a older (and slightly slimier) version of the Star Wars kid and things only get more hilarious from there once Nash enters the Gamebox 1.0. It seems all these "game" shots were shot entirely on a out-of-the-box green screen kit someone can get at Best Buy because it is just horrendous. But I guess the filmmakers are asking you forgive them for these bad special effects because it is the first version of the Gamebox and all. Try and contain your fits of laughter as you watch Nash fight his way through a B-version of Grand Theft Auto or fight things that are called zombies but aren't the living dead and seem to have a mastery over jujitsu. You won't even have to make fun of it to laugh at this film because it is just that bad--oh, and did I mention that the girl who will forever be remember for her one role in a mediocre television show is in it? I'm talking about Topanga, she's in this.

Gamebox 1.0 is one of those movies where guys who never even played a video game tries to make movies about video games. For example, there is a scene where Charlie is suppose to be playing an original X-Box but when we see his screen, he is clearly playing a PC game--YOU CAN SEE THE MOUSE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! And then, of course, you have the awkward gamers who move the controls up and down in a supposed effort to make their characters jump higher in the video game--real gamers DON'T DO THIS, Hollywood! Tell your actors to play some games before you yell action so they don't look like spastic tools on your finish product.

Anyway, if you're a gamer or you love bad movies, you'll definitely get a kick out of this one.

The Venture Bros. Season 4 Vol. 2

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Venture Bros. Season 4 Vol. 2 - 4 out of 5

The final half of Season 4 of The Venture Bros. delivers about the same as the first half--only with more Brock Samson!

The biggest complaint I had about the first half was the lack of Brock and his replacement, Sgt. Hatred. However, Brock came back in a big way--especially in the final episode! This is fantastic but this whole season has made me realize that Team Venture's time may have come and gone. The episodes this season felt sloppier than the previous seasons and the jokes weren't as solid as they used to be--hell, even the season finale ends on a joke that has been beaten to death by the comedy scene. One aspect I respect about this season however, is the evolution and growth of the characters as we see Hank and Dean age and old heroes and enemies take on new roles. This is very interesting but when episodes have stories that feel thrown together, these changes to the characters seem to be the only reason those certain episodes were created.

Despite these complaints, the show is still damn entertaining enough to warrant the 4 out of 5 rating I gave it. But it was just recently announced the show will have two more seasons, so the writers have to return to their glory days or we'll watch this show fall into the depths of crap like many television shows do when they push their luck. Here's the first thing the writers can do: Kill the Moppets and bring back H.E.L.P.E.R.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

All-Star Superman

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

All-Star Superman - 3 out of 5

Despite being one of the greatest superheroes ever invented Superman doesn't have the best track record when it comes to films--even animated ones. Sure the first one with Christopher Reeves was awesome but none of the others really lived up--especially Superman Returns. As far as the animated films, Superman: Doomsday really set the standard but all other Superman animated films didn't compare. Even All-Star Superman (based upon the comic series of the same name) isn't as good as it could have been.

If you ever read the series, you would know that in it, Superman does a lot of stuff in the twelve issues because he was dying, so doing a animated adaptation of it would definitely prove difficult. Not surpringly, many aspects of the comic series were left out but even with the bare bones story, the film feels rushed and probably could have benefited from a longer running length (even as it is, it was 75 minutes long). This feeling of rushing the story definitely hurts the film more than anything. And between you and me, I really wish they would have left in the scene from the comics where Supes saved the person from suicide.

However, there is a lot that works here. Like all other DC animated films, the animation is awesome and there's some great action going on here. Also, the voice acting is fantastic as we have Wisteria Lane resident, Mike Delfino (James Denton) doing the voice of Supes and one of the sexiest buxom redheads the world has ever seen (Christina Hendricks) takes on the role of Lois Lane. Anthony LaPaglia, Ed Asner and Bender himself; John DiMaggio also co-star with their voice talents in this story of a dying Superman.

If you like Superman or have read the series this film was based on, you'll enjoy this movie. Granted a lot was taken out from the series and some aspects that were left in for the film didn't really need to be there either but All-Star Superman soars at a respectable 3 out of 5.

When Harry Met Sally

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

When Harry Met Sally - 3 out of 5

To be honest, this was the first time I've ever seen this movie. I'm not the biggest fan of romantic comedies so, for the longest time, I've past this film up over and over again but, after watching it, I realized this wasn't your typical romantic comedy. There wasn't a group of girls talking about how they hate men while they playfully tried on hats to shitty pop music. There isn't a scene where the girls comically fall down because the writers couldn't come up with a better joke. No, this romantic comedy is actually decent. I guess you can say, I had what they were all having.

Unlike most romantic comedies, the characters portrayed in this film (played wonderfully by Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan) are realistic and you're able to relate to them. Neither Harry or Sally are beauty queens like we often see in romantic comedies and their interactions together is what brings the funny to the table--not some stupid sequence where a bunch of girls fall off a boat or something cheesy that is often the case in other, lesser romantic comedies. Instead, director Rob Reiner and writer Nora Ephron brings to the film two characters that could be anyone we pass on the street or already know. And there in lies the charm of this film. While I never found it to be laugh out loud or side-splitting funny, the movie is charming and offers up some smiles with its story.

Weekend at Bernie's

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Weekend at Bernie's - 1 out of 5

If you've followed my blog (and I highly suggest you do) you've probably noticed that I've been revisiting many 80's movies and trying to see if they've stood the test of time or if they were as good as I remembered from my childhood. So far, it's been hit or miss and after watching Weekend at Bernie's, this film is most definitely a miss.

I don't remember much from this movie when I watched it as a kid in 1989. All I remembered about it was the basic elements of the story: Two dudes have to pretend that a dead dude is alive. However, after watching it for the first time in 22 years, I started to wonder what the pitch for this film was because if I were to judge it based on my viewing experience, I would say that the writers sold it as two unlikeable characters ham it up for an hour and a half and not a single joke or moment of entertainment will come.

The beginning of the film is one lame joke after another about the horrors of living in Manhattan. There's your typical cliche jokes about small apartments, cockroaches, high rent, a lot of crime and noise. After the character of Bernie dies and the film is about these two unlikeable characters trying to pretend he's alive, the film becomes a series of bad tripping gags and dead body humor (complete with a necrophilia joke--and a really bad one at that. Not that I think I've seen a good joke about having sex with corpses.) Seriously, the jokes in this movie are so dreadful that it's impossible to smile and I found myself facepalming every other second. Was this movie written by a hack comedian? If this movie was remade now, it would be complete with a viagra joke and gags about airline food. This movie is more of an open mic done by an amateur rather than a quality comedy show at a nightclub.

If the jokes weren't bad enough, the film casts two of the 80's most unlikeable actors to play two extremely annoying and unlikeable characters. You have the by-the-books good guy played by Jonathan Silverman and the slob character who won't allow a single second of this film to pass without him speaking and jabbering constantly, the most annoying actor to have a career in the 80's--the 1980's Shia LaBeouf; Andrew McCarthy.

A shitty premise, lack of humor and absolutely annoying acting is what makes this movie completely unbearable. I couldn't even crack a smile at this film's horrible attempt to make me laugh. This movie resembled the title character of the film: Lifeless. Weekend at Bernie's falls flat on its face dead at a 1 out of 5. Bury this one six feet under. Okay, I'll stop with the bad puns, I'm starting to sound like the writers of this piece of crap.

The Next Karate Kid

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Next Karate Kid - 1 out of 5

If Hollywood is one thing, it is the fact that it is a terrible gambler. Constantly film executives take chances that even Vegas would say it's a stupid risk. That sums up the fourth film in The Karate Kid Quadrility.

Daniel-san is gone and Mr. Miyagi finds a new trouble kid to teach in the ways of karate. This troubled youth (Julie) is played (quite badly) by Hilary Swank and her performance is so wooden and forced that it actually made me wonder how on earth she ever had a career after this film. Even worse is the film tries to make her look like the nicest, sweetest and most misunderstood trouble child. Her character's parents are deceased and she breaks the rules of authority by...wait for it...taking care of a injured hawk that she keeps secretly on the roof of her school. WOW! What a rebel!!! The story even starts to take a strange turn as her high school has a group of students who are used to enforce the rules (with violence if necessary, which is odd. The school board is cool with this?) under the tutelage of Colonel Dugan (played by Sam Fisher himself; Michael Ironside). Mysteriously, this group actually destroys a student's car and the Col. instructs one of his students to "finish him" during a fight. This made me wonder what exactly constitutes the end in one of these fights. Was the Col. instructing his student to kill another student? And, seemingly, the school board, the community and local law enforcement are cool with the antics of this student organization.

Apart of this group, known as the Alpha Elite, is the man (Eric) who tries to woo our new Karate Kid. Now, the whole movie I had to keep reminding myself that these characters were in high school because the actor who portrayed Eric looks like he's on the verge of pushing 40. Could matters get worse with the story? Of course it can because the moment Mr. Miyagi discovers that Julie is a perfect student for karate is when she's about to get hit by a car and, at the last moment, she leaps onto the hood and lands safely out of danger. Man Alive! At least the last three films were grounded in reality.

A bad story that ties up no real loose ends and culminates in an extremely weak morale at the end that's combined with weak acting pretty much sums up the attempt that is this movie. The third film wasn't the best but at least it was entertaining. Hollywood shouldn't have gambled and tried to bring new life to the franchise. Which brings me to my final point...I said Hollywood is a terrible gambler but it also never learns. After the debacle that was The Next Karate Kid, Hollywood decided to once again bring new life into the franchise by remaking the first film. I can hear the execs now, "Okay, we tried a woman, how about we try a terrible rapper and generic actor's son? That will bring in the youths to see our next crappy remake." Then another asks, "Can we replace Pat Morita with that guy who made the movies with Chris Tucker and use to be a respected martial arts action star?"

Will Hollywood never learn?

Monday, March 21, 2011

The Karate Kid Part III

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Karate Kid Part III - 3 out of 5

While the first two films are charming, The Karate Kid Part III may be the sequel where the franchise finally starts to slide. The story doesn't change much and the "believe in yourself" morale at the end of the story doesn't change either. This time, the story takes place after Mr. Miyagi and Daniel-san return from Japan and they decide to open a bonsai tree store (and yes, once again Daniel's mom is nowhere to be seen and allows Mr. Miyagi to take care of her underage son. Although the films shows Miss LaRusso taking care of her uncle who is ill, me thinks the reality is she's on a bender and glad to be free of her child). As Miyagi and Daniel get the store ready, Daniel once again meets ANOTHER girl and a foe from the first film returns and wants revenge--the evil Cobra Kai dojo teacher who instructed that "mercy was for the weak" in the first film; John Kreese, is back with his Vietnam buddy and fellow Cobra Kai who enlist Daniel-san's newest opponent that we already know he will defeat in the end.

The story isn't as emotional as the previous two and the recycled, familiar story that we've already seen twice over makes this film--even though it is enjoyable--fall into a 3 out of 5.

The Karate Kid Part II

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Karate Kid Part II - 4 out of 5

Taking off exactly when the first one left off, the adventure of Mr. Miyagi and Daniel-san continues as the loyal student must travel with his teacher to Japan as Miyagi's father lays on his death bed and an long burning feud must come to an end.

Like the first one, this sequel is filled with charm, a great story and a great morale we all knew and adored in 80's films. While not better than the film that started it all, this film holds up well (both in respect to the last one and the test of time) and is still an enjoyable watch. Plus, it's got Chicago on the soundtrack. You can't beat that.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Karate Kid

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Karate Kid - 4 out of 5

First off, I need to clarify that this is the ORIGINAL film and not the remake that stars the young man who will only have a career because of his father.

Recently, RiffTrax announced that they were going to unleash a riff to the third film in the series and that made me realize I haven't seen the film in a long time and decided to revisit them. And let me say this: The film stands up to the test of time. The story of young Daniel Larusso being taken as a eye-wide, undisciplined student by Mr. Miyagi is still as entertaining and heart-warming as the first time I saw it.

Do I really need to say more?

Yes, I do. Sweep the leg.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Mannequin 2: On the Move

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Mannequin 2: On the Move - 1 out of 5

After revisiting the first film, I decided to watch the sequel that I never seen. All I can say is this: I regret that decision.

I thought the first one was bad but this one was just as bad. Not worse but just as bad and somehow that made the experience even more painful. Had this film actually surpassed the last one on the bad scale, I would have found myself saying, "Well, at least the first one was better" but when the second one is equally as bad, I have nothing to fall back on.

The story is the same but different. A store clerk discovers a mannequin that is on loan from the kingdom of Hauptmann-Koenig who, in reality, is a princess cursed to remain a statue until she is freed by love and, as luck would have it, the store clerk is the prince she was in love with a thousand years ago. So the fact that a mannequin who becomes alive and falls in love with a store clerk remains the same from the first film but the whole princess/prince curse business, that's new and actually sounds like some crap Disney would pull out of Mickey's ass.

What this sequel ends up delivering is some of the worst over-acting I've ever seen in a movie. Not a single person--not Kristy Swanson as the princess, William Ragsdale as the store clerk or even the extras are convincing in their roles. Every single solitary person acts like they are in a cartoon or are completely uncomfortable in their skin. It makes for a very strange film. OH! And I hope you enjoy hearing the same song over and over again because, like the first film, this movie picks one song (probably because that's all the production could afford) and plays it until your ears bleed.

Like the first film, the character of Hollywood is the film's only saving grace as he provides a miniscule amount of entertainment--and I emphasize miniscule. Other than that, this film follows perfect in the shadows of its predecessor with a 1 out of 5.

Fall from Grace

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Fall from Grace - 5 out of 5

***FURTHER DISCLAIMER***My own biases of the Westboro Baptist Church is in no way hidden in this review. So if you support the WBC or, more accurately, are a member of the WBC (because there aren't many outside the Phelps family that DOES support them) then I say this with all the respect I can muster for you evil people: FUCK YOU!

Need some rage material? Need something that will make you want to turn into the Incredible Hulk and SMASH? Than look no further than this 2007 documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church. Within seconds of it starting, you'll be looking for a lamp to throw at your television set.

If you've been living under a rock, the Westboro Baptist Church is a...well, let's call it like it is--it's a cult run by closeted homosexual Fred Phelps who preaches that God hates fags. This documentary showcases the insane family and hateful world views that the self-loathing gay man Phelps has raised his flock to be. It shows that everyone from his children to his grandchildren have consumed his spiteful Kool-Aid and have joined him in his ventures to picket soldiers' funerals and other events like 1st Amendment Lessons (yeah, that's right, they picket classes that teach people about the very thing that allows these A-holes to picket) to gay pride celebrations and even Comic Con last year (okay, the documentary didn't show that but in 2010, the WBC actually protested Comic Con. But my fellow geeks were ready and sent them packing as they trolled the shit out of them!)

Now you're probably wondering why I keep calling old Freddy Bear a closeted homosexual. I have good reason. While the documentary doesn't talk about it, there is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Phelps LOVES the cock. Look at the past preachers who all took extreme stances on homosexuality: Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Glenn Murphy Jr., Bob Allen, etc. What did they all have in common? Homosexual sex. Hey Phelps, you ever heard of the phrase "he doth protest too much?"

This popular theory aside (and it is popular) this documentary is really interesting as it shows how deeply committed the family is to their own insanity and how the community despises them. This also creates a second emotion as it will nearly make you shit your pants with fear as you watch the children spill this hateful rhetoric.

While this is a fantastic documentary showing the downright frightful ways of this unbelievably hateful and evil cult run by a self-loathing, masochistic closet homosexual, I realize that by my actual viewing of this film, I am only further servicing the psychotic ways of the Phelps clan. While the documentary doesn't show them in a good light, in their sick heads, they actually believe that if they showcase their message and even if people don't agree, they've done their job right. Yeah, in their sick heads, they think they accomplished something. But all I can say is this: I can't wait till Fred Phelps dies so I can make a pilgrimage to Kansas and protest his funeral with a sign that reads, "God Hates Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church."

Mannequin

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Mannequin - 1 out of 5

I watched this movie as a kid when it came out in 1987 but couldn't remember a damn thing from it. I remembered the basic story and that it was about some random dude who discovers a mannequin in the department store he works in can come to life and than some other stuff happens--that was all I remembered. So, recently, when I was reminded of it, I checked it out from my library and decided to watch it for the first time in over two decades.

I now realize why I didn't remember anything from it because my fragile young mind erased the memories of this horrible movie. However, it did make me wonder a few things. For example, could the movie only afford "Nothing is Going to Stop Us Now" by Starship and a single synthesizer beat that is used almost in every scene for its score? Or did people actually think Kim Cattrall was a good actress and she was attractive in the 80's? I'm pretty sure we don't classify her as either now. And finally, how did Andrew McCarthy swindle his way to the leading role in this movie? Did he have nude photos of the producers or something? Actually, I can't even figure out how he gets work. He always reminded me of the friend who tries to hard to be quirky and awkwardly cool to the point he's just annoying and comes off fake. Which pretty much sums up his performance in this film.

I guess what I'm basically getting at is this film is lame. Extra lame with a heaping helping of lame sauce dripped all over it. Basically the film was just an excuse to provide endless montages of Kim and Andrew dancing and playing dress up. The only real joy this film can deliver is in the form of the character Hollywood (played by Meshach Taylor) and even this character doesn't provide much. Normally this would be the point in the review that other critics would put something they think is witty like 'Mannequin delivers just like the noun it is titled after: stiff and non-moving.' But I'm not like other critics--hell, I'm not actually a critic. I'm just a regular old dude making a blog where I review the movies I watch, whether they be new or old. But let me say this in closing, I am hoping that I will never forget the wretchedness that is this film so that in 20 more years, I don't come back to it to see if it was any good.

Dead Space: Downfall

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Dead Space: Downfall - 3 out of 5

I'm a cheap man. A REALLY cheap man. And when you're a cheap man and you're a gamer, some games you wait till they become greatest hits and their price is dropped to 20 bucks. Well, that's what I did with Dead Space. The game is just fantastic and scary as all hell but I'm not reviewing the video game, I'm reviewing the animated film that serves as a prequel to the events in the first game. I'm reviewing Dead Space: Downfall.

Like I said before, this movie acts as a prologue to the events that take place in the video game as it follows a group of miners who travel out to a outpost in space that suddenly erupts into violence after an ancient artifact is found. An investigation by the mining ship Ishimura discovers a long dormant evil has been reawaken and the rest of the film becomes a fight for survival for the crew of the ship.

When this first came out, I wrote it off and didn't bother to see it because too often, animated films based upon motion picture or video game properties always end up becoming anime projects, for example, the video game Halo. Personally, I am not a fan of anime, so I was relieved when I finally noticed that this film wasn't anime-based. The animation, however, is very nice to look at. That is, the 2D animation is nice to look at. However, the integrated 3D animation looks like something that came out in the 90's BUT the 3D animation consists mostly of the ships and the planet the ancient relic rests upon AND since the action is character/monster driven, the 3D animation doesn't have a very large role in the film so this compliant is easily forgettable. It really becomes something to forget when you see the hardcore action this film offers. And when I say hardcore, I mean FUCKING HARDCORE!!! You could shower for a year in the amount of animated blood this movie dishes out.

But there in lies the true problem of Dead Space: Downfall. The film is so completely focused on the brutality of it all, the story begins to suffer and there are no real characters for me, the viewer, to get behind and cheer on to survival. Sure the movie focuses around the ship's head of security; Alissa Vincent but her character is so weakly delivered as she is basically a generic, F-bomb spitting, tough-as-nails, loose-cannon female sci-fi cliche. Why is it that science fiction lacks quality female characters? They always fall into one of two categories: the cliche I just described or the damsel in distress. However, every so often we get kick-ass females in space who break these molds. For example, Ripley from Alien.

Despite excellent voice acting from some of voice acting's best and decent bloody action, the film's lack of quality characters and over-emphasis on blood rather than story causes Dead Space: Downfall to FALL into a 3 out of 5.

The Venture Bros. Season 4 Vol. 1

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Venture Bros. Season 4 Vol. 1 - 4 out of 5

The Venture crew is back and ready for adventure for the fourth season of this hilarious Adult Swim cartoon. However, things have changed since the previous season. Brock Samson is alive, Henchman 24 is dead and Dean and Hank are a few years older.

The awesome writing and humor I've come to know and love from the show is still here but something was missing for me during this season that caused me to not enjoy it as much as the previous ones. It's not the fact that it was decided to break this season into two volumes but rather the absence of Brock really hurt the show as I'm not a fan of Sgt. Hatred being the loyal bodyguard of Rusty, Hank and Dean. The man being a former arch-villain and recovering pedophile sounds funny on paper but just wasn't as cool as Brock. But in the end, it's still The Venture Bros. and it's still funny as hell. And, like all the other Adult Swim shows being released on DVD currently, these episodes are now uncensored. Uncensored in the fact the swearing is no longer bleeped out and, unlike shows like Metalocalypse, the nudity is still blurred.

While I didn't enjoy this as much as the last 3 seasons, the evolution of the show and new turn it provided for the characters was a welcome sight (despite the lack of Brock) and it's still absolutely hilarious and worth watching!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Quiz Show

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Quiz Show - 4 out of 5

Who would have known that TV game shows were rigged? Actually, in this day and age it's not surprising but in the 1950's Americans weren't as jaded (or stupid if you watch Jersey Shore) so the concept of television executives (the most evil people in the world--they are the ones who gave Tyler Perry a show on TBS after all) actually cheating for the sake of ratings to be surprising.

Like most films based upon true stories, some liberties were taken as the filmmakers brought the 21 controversy to the screen and, despite these changes, the film is just amazing. The movie is wonderfully put together and have a fantastic cast. John Turturro and Ralph Fiennes are just plain amazing in their roles. And with the presentation of the story being polished, clean and super shiny, Quiz Show is a fantastic movie that holds up just as well today as it did when it came out in 1994.

Species: The Awakening

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Species: The Awakening - 1 out of 5

The fourth and, hopefully, the final film in the Species franchise and, unlike the others, this one deviates from the predictable frame that the others had. And I say that sarcastically because it still is about a sexy alien/human hybrid trying to get her freak on and pop out some evil alien babies. The difference this time around is the sexy and dangerous fem fatal alien doesn't realize she's part alien until she gets older and then the usual stuff happens.

Just like the last one, this film has a boring story as it tries to be more of a drama than a horror film. Also, the one thing that made the previous films watchable--the gratuitous nudity--isn't really here as most topless shots of the alien/human ladies have them with pasties over their jubblies. There's nothing really else I can say about this movie. It's boring, the acting is weak and since it's a SyFy made-for-TV movie, the special effects are cartoonish and silly. The franchise was never the best but at least the first one offered some entertainment. It's sad the rest of them couldn't even do that.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Highlander

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Highlander - 4 out of 5

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!

Not only is this the infamous line from the movie, it should also have been the motto for Hollywood as, despite how cool this movie was (and is), they went on to make many MANY horrible sequels but a semi-decent television series. But I'm not reviewing the sequels (seriously, I'm not EVER going to review those) because, for me, the franchise began and ended with this film.

In case you're young and waste your time listening to Justin Bieber and think Dane Cook is hilarious, you're probably not familiar with the epicness that is Highlander (yeah, I just made up the word 'epicness'). Released onto our mortal world in 1986, Highlander is a fantasy film that follows an immortal who must find his eternal enemy and destroy him because...wait for it...THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!

If that concept doesn't make you want to instantly see this film or the fact that there are sword fights in it doesn't make your cerebellum salivate at the idea of great fiction, stop reading right now because you're too busy watching Sexy & The City to enjoy a truly great story and all my boys (and girls) for Team MacLeod can continue reading because you can appreciate the greatness this film is. WE know the story is fun and awesome. WE know that the film has Christopher Lambert kicking ass as The Highlander. WE know we get a treat with Sean Connery being in this movie and WE know that the bad ass who is the voice of Mr. Krabs on SpongeBob SquarePants; Clancy Brown, kicks an enormous amount of ass as the evil Kurgan! I don't even have to write a review and even talk about the movie because these are facts to us--the ubercool boys and girls who've seen this movie.

However, I will say this...watching this movie now, decades later, there are some things I've noticed now that I never noticed as a kid. Mainly some of the special effects are lame but that didn't stop us from enjoying it back in the day and, despite being The Highlander, Christopher Lambert cannot wield a sword very convincingly. But when you look at the crappy action films that are littering our movie screens now like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and horrible Australian actors poorly trying to be Americans, Lambert's less than stellar sword fighting is quite forgivable.

So, due to the advancements in special effects, Highlander can look dated now but the story is still awesome!

Ah, what the hell, I'm going to say it again: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!

Species III

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Species III - 1 out of 5

Okay, I can sum up this third installment of the Species franchise that takes place directly after the last one and follows a NEW alien/human hybrid hottie named Sara (played by Sunny Mabrey) and is being chased by the offspring of the alien/human hybrid from the last film; Patrick, in one word: Boring.

Oh my this movie was boring. The story isn't enough to keep me awake as it focuses on, once again, a gorgeous alien/human sex machine trying to get her freak on and get with making the babies on mankind. However, this film decided to change it up a little (and I emphasize a little) as the offspring of astronaut turned alien impregnating machine Patrick from the last one are trying to get their freak on with Sara who, if I'm not mistaken, is actually their sister--GROSS! Like the last two, the government is trying to kill the hot beast but unlike the others, this one has the offspring (or as they call themselves in this one; half-breeds) using some geneticists from a small college to try and correct the problems with their amalgamated DNA.

And if the story wasn't boring enough, the acting is phoned in and the whole film looks like a SyFy Original--OH WAIT, it was! It surprises me that this film actually scores better on Rotten Tomatoes than the last one--and the last one sucked too!

Okay, nuts and bolts of it all, this movie is a snorefest that, despite some lady kegs that get seen, it isn't worth viewing.