Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Super 8

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Super 8 - 2 out of 5

"Okay, I want to rip off all of Steven Spielberg's films from the late 70s and early 80s and then I'll throw in a monster that looks like a cousin of the creature in that movie I produced called Cloverfield.  I'll call it Super 8." - an actual quote from director J.J. Abrams. *

I avoided seeing Super 8 in the theaters because I'm, plain and simple, not a fan of J.J. Abrams.  Every single thing he writes, produces and creates follows a very specific formula:  It's starts out very creative and unique and quickly slides into a slope that takes it into a pit of crap that makes you wonder why you wasted your time watching his shit in the first place...and, for some mysterious reason, he loads every single solitary second of it with lens flares.  It happened with Lost (a show that ended with me wishing I had the time back I wasted after it delivered 5 seasons of shit after its first epic season and delivered a season finale that made me believe that getting kicked in the nuts would have been less painful) and now J.J. Abrams can add another to his list of mediocre entertainment in the form of Super 8.

Hey look, lens flare.
Abrams even ripped off Spielberg's trademark "look" shot.
Just like Abrams other works, Super 8 actually starts out decently with some promise that a alright story might follow...that is, if you can get passed the fact Abrams is ripping off Steven Spielberg the entire time.  Imagine if The Goonies, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and E.T.:  The Extra-Terrestrial all had an orgy and Cloverfield provided the booze...well, that crime against nature's love product is Super 8.  However, since Abrams was able to bribe Spielberg to produce the film, I guess we can't say he was plagiarizing the man.

Hey, more lens flare.
The film is about a group of kids out to make a film, utilizing their super 8 camera (hence the title), that they want to enter into a film contest.  However, they end up in the middle of a large train crash and a mystery follows as strange goings on start to happen (like in Close Encounters) and then the movie decides it no longer wants to be unique (but with all the rip-offs its doing of Spielberg's work, how unique was it really?) and it falls down to the bottom rung and becomes a generic alien/monster movie...and the monster's face looks suspiciously like E.T.'s.  Was kinda expecting a Great White shark to come out at some point too.  Possibly as the kids fly off on their bikes so they can literally jump the shark.

Even action scenes aren't safe from lens flare.

Noah Emmerich, you're a great actor, too bad
lens flare is stealing your thunder.
Some of the kids in the film, like in The Goonies, are great actors and carry the movie well but the other half are as annoying as J.J. Abrams love affair with lens flares.  But even more annoying (and something that made my eyes tired from the constant rolling and tempted me to turn off the DVD) was the obvious fact Abrams wanted you to know, every second of the film and located right next to his lover (lens flare), that the movie takes place in 1979.  If the over-saturated soundtrack of every single number 1 hit from the era wasn't enough, every set was designed with every cliche from the 70s and he even includes pointless, unrealistic and mind-numbing dialogue about a walkman in one scene.  The film was milliseconds away from Abrams himself jumping in front of the camera and yelling, "IT'S 1979!!!" before feverishly pulling out his hair.

"Alright son, we're about to rip off the ending of both E.T. and Close Encounters. 
But at least there's no lens flare...for now, at least."
In the end, I can't say I was greatly disappointed with Super 8 because I went into it with absolutely no hopes for a good film.  In fact, I got exactly what I expected:  The usual J.J. Abrams uninspired film, only this one decided to spend more time ripping off works of its producer than making a film that was interesting and captivating.

Enough with the fucking lens flare!

* Not an actual quote.

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