Sunday, November 13, 2011

Porky's

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Porky's - 1 out of 5

Sex comedies, whether you like it or not, are a staple of the movie world.  There was a time they were considered a mark of revolution and change as sexual liberation took charge but now they are just common place and we get movies where kids fuck pies.  Porky's, made in 1982, has a special place in my heart because it was the first sex comedy I've ever seen and probably the first film I saw that contained a naked woman.  I don't remember much from when I first watched it other than the fact I didn't understand most of the jokes or what the hell was really going on.  Revisiting the film over 20 years later, I realize that much of my misunderstanding might not have come from the lack of knowledge when it came to the jokes but rather just extremely weak writing.

Wait, Kim Cattrall is in this and she doesn't look like the Grim Reaper?  This movie MUST be old.

Porky's is about--well, what all sex comedies are about--a group of high school kids (who are clearly in their 30's) trying to get a little action and then wacky adventures follow in their pursuits.  However, re-watching Porky's all these years later and combining that with the fact I'm old and slightly wiser, I realize there really isn't a story at all going on in this film.  Instead, the movie feels like a poorly put together collection of mini-stories of the main characters getting involved in silly, and sex-themed, scenarios.  There's really no plot to speak of and everything just feels like it was thrown into a blender and put on puree.  The film tries to offer up a main story arc by revolving the boys antics around a seedy bar called Porky's (hey, that's what the movie is named after) as they are disrespected by the owner and then head out to seek revenge but when the rest of the film is packed with flopping around nonsense, it's hard to believe that much effort was put into writing this film--although the writer/director Bob Clark claimed he worked on this script for 15 years.  Hard to believe that he is the same man who directed the amazing A Christmas Story...oh, and he also directed Baby Geniuses.


That handsome fat man with the rapey smile is Porky.

If the film's writing wasn't bad enough, you'd be hard-pressed to find a redeemable character that you can relate to or even find one that has any depth to it whatsoever.  They're all one-dimensional walking cliches--you have the jock, the nerd, the brains of the operation, a redneck, a bigot, etc.  They even throw in an over-weight, possible lesbian, female gym teacher who--and here's a shocker--is militaristic in her teaching and lifestyle and hates men.  Yes, it could be possibly argued that this film became the mold for all the cliche characters we've come to know so well in all the sex comedies we see nowadays.


This woman makes me yearn for the warmth of Anne Ramsey.

It could easily be assumed that I am putting on a false air of superiority but I also didn't find this film funny.  When I first watched it as a wide-eyed young boy, I didn't laugh either because, well, I just didn't understand what the hell is going on but now, I just feel insulted at the bottom of the barrel scum they call jokes.  I don't know, maybe I'm suppose to find a barrage of small penis jokes to be unendingly funny.  Clearly, something must be wrong with me.


The film opens with a morning wood joke...you pretty have a good idea of where it goes from there.

Revisiting Porky's gave me nearly the same reaction I had when I watched it as a child.  Mainly the fact that all these years later, I'm still not laughing.  Even the forbidden joy the film gave me by letting me witness the naked female form is now gone because I'm an adult...and the internet pretty much gives me that in droves.  But let that be a lesson to you young kids out there:  I use to have to sit through crappy movies behind my parents' back in order see boobies.  Now you can just log onto the web.  You kids have no idea how good you have it.

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