Monday, November 7, 2011

The Lost Future

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

The Lost Future - 1 out of 5

In a post-apocalyptic world, mankind has been reduced to cavemen--more eloquent than their real-life counterparts and, I'm guessing, funnier than the Geico ones. Not only are they wearing animal belts, they also have to deal with the dangers this new world faces. Dangers that include gigantic sloths and humans who mutated into...well, mutants.

Apparently turning into a mutant just means you get a bad make-up job.

The Lost Future tells the tale of a tribe who seeks out survivors elsewhere and become separated after they are attacked by the mutants who really don't actually play that large of a part in the overall story. While separated from their kin, two of the tribe meets another, mysterious survivor named Boromir--I mean, Amal, played by Sean Bean. He tells them of a yellow powder that can cure the virus that turns people into the raving mutants. So, at this point, the movie becomes a quest for a cure...something we've already seen in a post-apocalyptic film.

"Here, the future of mankind resides in this...flashlight."

The movie was a SyFy original and I tried to take that with a grain of salt while watching it but the film is so mind-numbingly boring that I wished the grain was a boulder so I could bash my skull in. The characters are lifeless and offer you little reason to care about their quest or plight. The story proves to be just as lifeless as the characters as it is so boring, you start to notice all the things in your house that needs repairing and the idea of painting the garage actually sounds like fun and a perfect excuse at getting away from The Lost Future.

"I knew I should have not done The Lord of the Rings for free."

Going into the movie, I expected it to be pretty bad (does anyone expect a SyFy original to be good?) but I was hoping for it to be one of those bad movies that are at the level that makes them funny but, instead, it was just boring. Then, as if further insult was required, the movie contains the very talented actor Sean Bean. The entire film I kept asking the question of why the hell is he in this? I can only assume that he loves acting so much that he'll take whatever script comes his way or he's just that really cheap. I would hate to think he has some serious gambling debts out there that he has to take care of and being in The Lost Future is the only way to pay them off.

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